Hello - new here but not new to anxiety and panic :(

[Carrera74]

Hi everyone

My Introduction ( a bit long, sorry!)

I’ve suffered with some sort of anxiety for as long as I can remember. I remember having my first panic attack when I was at high school. Mine always started with feeling hot and then I’d get panicky. I’ve been able to manage the anxiety through my life but have had a few rough patches. The main one being towards the end of a very volatile relationship with my ex. I felt I was continually walking on egg shells and my GP prescribed me Half Inderal to get me through the split and court case. I weaned myself off these 5 years ago and have managed any periods of stress without meds.

Now why I am here….. I got a nasty flu bug at Christmas and then got another bug at Easter and have felt continually run down since. I went to see my GP a month ago as I was not feeling any better. If anything I was feeling worse. Was continually tired, struggling to concentrate at work, having hot flushes and felt on edge. I was hoping I had a thyroid problem or anaemia as it would be an answer to the way I was feeling. GP did a full MOT and the bloods came back clear. He said I was emotionally exhausted and said to remember I wasn’t physically ill and to get myself out and about and enjoy some fresh air and I would be fine. He said if the symptoms continued he could prescribe me betablockers but he didn’t want to do that and he said I’d been fine in a few days.

I had taken the week off work so did as he said but if anything I was just getting more panicky and anxious. Each time I went out I would feel continually on edge. I would panic and even though I know how to deal with panic attacks they would just take over. As I wasn’t feeling any better I went back but saw a different GP and I broke down. I am so frustrated at myself for not being able to get a grip of myself. I am unable to leave the house without panicking, feel dizzy, etc. My GP asked a few questions and prescribed me Sertraline and Propranolol. He signed me off work with anxiety and depression for two weeks and said to go back once the drugs had kicked in. I left quite shocked that I had just been diagnosed with this (only 5 days after my last appointment). This GP tried to prescribe my Citrapram (sp?) but I have tried a half dose of this previously but I had an awful reaction to it and never took it again. He also didn’t seem to know any of my previous mental health history. To be honest it felt like he just fobbed me off with a prescription and a sick note 

Anyway I came home and thought I would just take it easy for a few days. Stop drinking wine (I know I have been drinking too much lately, it’s the only thing that relaxes me….) and eat properly. I tried to leave the house for small walks but the panic would set in. I feel constantly on edge, my heart feels like it is constantly racing (although my heart is 80 beats per minute) but it feels so much faster. Each time I leave the house I have increased anxiety. I have been avoiding going out but on Saturday I went to get a card from the shop and I had a huge panic attack. One so bad I thought I was going to die. I was terrified. I drove home but it was the longest journey ever. It was only a 5 min journey but I didn’t think my heart would get me home.

Now I am sorry for this long post. But this is the reason why I have found this site. I am scared to take the medication. I am scared to leave the house. I have cancelled going on a few dates with my friends and husband as I can’t leave the house without hyperventilating. It’s taken control and I know I need to take the tablets but I’m too scared.

I hope I find some peace on this site and I hope I find the confidence to try the betablockers as I need to get my life back x

[nomorepanic]

Hi Carrera74

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[EvaSunshine78]

Hi,
I just wanted to say Hello, after reading your post. I hope everything works out for you. I don't know what to say on the med front as your panic sounds quite bad at the moment, I guess if you feel it will help, but you've taken meds before so you probably know more than me. I don't take them, I try to get through with my own mind power and reverse the feelings, although it feels nearly Impossible sometimes! It's just how I like to work but it is hard. It's good that you said you have controlled your panic in the past, if you can do that you can grab it by the horns and do it again. Nothing will harm you and as the text revealed nothing is physically wrong with you. I used to have terrible attacks but not anymore. The last one I had was in January, but that was the first one in years and I was under a heavy amount of stress and anxiety at that time and that triggered it, but I have never had one since. Go with your gut Instinct, if you are really too scared to take the meds then dont do it, if you think you can be strong enough to kick the panic in the ass then do that instead. I can imagine going on/off meds is not fun and with side effects more so. Be brave and face it head on if you can. I am making this sound easy but it is a matter of controlling your own thoughts.
Good Luck. Hug! xx

[EvaSunshine78]

*That was meant to be Tests NOT Texts!* :) x

[Carrera74]

Thanks for the reply. I have been to control it but I don't know why it has got a hold on me. I don't want to take the anti depressants but think maybe the beta blockers may be the crutch I need to get me back on track. My hubby is really anti drugs but I don't think I can do this on my own, weak as that might sound :( I did go out twice yesterday, only small journeys to the chemist and felt awful both times but I did it but I think it's going to be a long process to get back out and about without some drugs... just need to be brave enough to take them. Even though I have had them before I am still wary of taking them. Google has scared me even more!! x

[M155anthr0p3]

Hi Carrera74,

You sound just like me 2 weeks ago. I suffer from panic attacks & health anxiety so was terrified of taking any medication.
I've been taking Propranolol for 2 weeks now (I didn't want to take anti-depressants either) & I feel so much better. It's stopped all of the horrible physical symptoms that panic brings on like the racing heart, the sweats & the shaking & the dizzyness. Some days I thought I would die. I would wake up expecting to panic & so the panic would come.
Some of my thoughts are still there..the what if's...but my body doesn't respond to it in the way it used to. I am much calmer & am learning how to deal with it.
I don't plan to be on beta-blockers forever & I have to go back to my doctor who is going to arrange for me to have some therapy as well as taking these as they are not a fix.

Don't be frightened to take them. I was frightened but I'm still here! And feeling better.
And stop yourself looking on google, this is the worst thing you can do, there is all kinds of stuff on there that will just play on your mind.

Good luck to you!!
Be brave!!! xxx

[Carrera74]

Hello :)

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I don't like feeling like this and just want to be 'me' again. I've tried to go out all week but the panic beats me. I feel weak with all the anxiety :(

Can I ask what strength betablocker you're on? I've got the modified release ones.

My mind is arguing with me. One GP said he didn't want to give me drugs, the second couldn't give me them quick enough. I've got the modified release ones and I'm not sure if these are too strong for me? I'm dubious as the GP didn't know much about what I have taken previously... think I'm just doing my what if worrying ....! If I don't have one thing to stress about it's something else. I'm starting to think I have health anxiety too...

Again thanks for replying. It helps x

[KayleighJane]

hi there, i was taking propranolol modified release 80mg up until a few weeks ago but came off them as doctor thought i didnt need them everyday and gave me 40mg fast acting ones to take as and when i need to. The modified release tablets helped me alot with some of the physical symptoms, you don't have to take them forever but if it is going to help you in the short term then maybe you should give them a go? I am still on the anti depressants but i know that won't be forever either.

Good luck :)

Kayleigh x

[M155anthr0p3]

I understand how you feel, I used to be so outgoing, always up for going out. Now the thought of the supermarket or going to the pub makes me feel ill & like you the panic beats me so I end up not bothering.
You've got to remember that you're not alone & you will get better. I'm trying to do little things like go out for food at lunchtime at work & it was a massive step for me. The first 10 mins are horrible but then when I've been sitting there a while I stop panicking (without even realizing) which goes to show that it is in my head & only I can control it. I've thought everything from "I am going to have a heart attack" to "oh my god what's that pain in my leg I have a bloodclot" I even went to the walk in medical centre about the suspected blood clot - how ridiculous is that! I am on a mission now to keep telling myself that every twinge in my body IS NOT LIFE THREATENING!
You can do it too.

I take 40mg twice a day. Once in the morning when I get up (730ish) & another when I get home at 6pm. Honestly, I was so frightened to take them at first. Esp when the doctor told me they would slow my heart down but he said that the slower it is, the better it is for you..& I trusted him.
If you're not happy with your doctor then you should see someone else who makes you feel comfortable, who you can trust as I think that's half the battle when you can speak to someone who understands what you're going through.

xxx

[Carrera74]

Thanks for replying.

I've made yet another appointment for the doctors. I'm going to see the original one who did my bloods this afternoon. I'm a jittery mess already knowing I have to drive there. I haven't been able to drive further than the end of the road without freaking out for nearly 2 weeks so this will be a big test :( I know I shouldn't worry as I'll probably make it worse but its all I seem to be able to do lately.

I still haven't taken the tablets. This is silly but the (latest) reason I'm stalling is because the betablocks are a different brand to what I took years ago and I remember that towards the end of coming off them the chemist gave me a different brand and I could feel a difference from the usual type, like they didn't work the same. I can't remember exactly what the difference was but I remember so now I daren't take them and want to ask for the same ones as last time - not sure I can do this? Honestly you'd think I had nothing to worry about the way I think up new things...... :unsure:

[M155anthr0p3]

It's not silly!!!!!
I've sent you a private message xxx

[Carrera74]

I have put off taking these tablets all weekend. I'm getting in a right mess with it all. I've been in the house all weekend trying to pluck up the courage to take one but have made excuses. I had two family get togethers this weekend and I didn't go as I can't leave the house. I know I need to take them but I am too scared :( I hate this.

[katie92]

hi i have really bad panic attacks its horrible i panic about swollowing my tongue also get neck ache all the time and think its goin to snap i can bang my neck and just panic about it snapping :( i feel so stupid just want to get rid of it. cant go anywhere becoz of it . can any1 help me????

[mikesmith]

Hi. Read your posts with interest. The fact that you went out twice is great, feeling awful does slowly diminish, please dont get me wrong, i am not a recovered Agrophobic, i still suffer very much.
My last " good" spell was about 6 years ago, I had a good friend who I used to travel to work with everyday ( he owns a music shop) it was very very hard at first, but became easier over a space of, maybe 4 months, it got to the stage when I could do practicaly anything I chose to do. unfortunatley, i let it slip and soon became housebound AGAIN!. I suppose the point im trying to make is that a little and often is the way forward. As far as medication goes, I prefer not to have my panics etc dulled, if i woke up feeling rough one morning, it was to easy to blame the pills. If i wake up feeling rough now, I know its just a bug, hangover etc haha.
this probably reads as total rubbish, but i know what I mean!!
Good luck. stay positive. there is a wonderful world out there, waiting to be explored!

[Carrera74]

Hi there. Your post makes total sense :) I have struggled with the panic for a long time and I feel that is has beaten me so I have opted for the beta blockers. I can't afford to carry on being stuck in the house. I left the house again yesterday twice. I walked to the shop with hubby which isn't very far but it gave me a bit of confidence. I felt a bit unsteady but managed it. Later on I had to drop the kids off and I drove but took hubby with me, just in case. On queue I had a panic attack but managed to control it or at least stop it from getting out of hand like it did a few weeks ago. Hubby offered to take over the driving but I persevered. It was really hard and I know that the fact he was there was my safety blanket. Just need to go out in the car on my own now. I took the first beta blocker this morning so I'm hoping they will help me with this hurdle :S

Thanks for your comments. This site is so helpful :)

[Marn]

Hi

I have tried everyone under the sun I have a choice of two and that is it if they don't work then I am stuffed :0(((( I am taking venlafaxine as I cannot take the ssras as they make my already racing heart race even more.

I hate this I feel helpless to it xxx