somethingwitty
23-06-11, 18:24
This week I'm having a classic 'I have a small ailment, but because I have super fun HA I'm going to blow it out of all proportion' kind of time. Which is always a laugh. Long drawn out anxiety is like a giant party...
Basically, my right tonsil is kinda big. It has been for at least 6 weeks, maybe more, but I hadn't really worried about it as my anxiety was off focusing on other things. But with them now out the way and dealt with, my tonsil is getting my full attention.
It isn't even really that big. It just peeks out ever so slightly. If I didn't check my body umpteen times a day for signs of illness, I wouldn't even have noticed the thing. I've felt like I've been about to have a full blown throat infection a couple of times over the last 6 weeks or so but its never come, and do have a slightly irritated throat, so common sense says its just a minor infection that I can't shift. Right?
Wrong! Of course it is Throat Cancer, or most likely tonsil cancer. Either way the big C is there. I even went to the doctors (I was there anyway for a completely unrelated blood test for a medical form I need so just popped in to see one) and the person I saw was spectacularly unimpressed with the size of my tonsil. She felt my neck, found nothing interesting there, and was like "Yeah, your right tonsil is kinda swollen, do you want some antibiotics or something?" I don't know why, but then your GP is really unimpressed - not negligent or unsympathetic, just giving off a vibe that screams 'This isn't serious at all...' - with your symptoms, I find it really reassuring.
So I'm now here with my antibiotics and a still swollen\irritated tonsil. And the fact that 3 days into a 10 day course of penicillin v there is no improvement means that I was right all along, it IS cancer and I should go back and get referred to a specialist to start chemo ASAP so I don't die. This is all despite the fact that I don't feel ill, I have no trouble swallowing, I can't even find a lymph node to be swollen, don't have teeth falling out my jaw, haven't got any blood in anything, have no cough and have, you know, no bad pain in my neck and jaw.
You know, this is what is driving me nuts about health anxiety. I can't just have a sore throat anymore. I have to have throat cancer. And I won't believe that I don't have some horrific life threatening disease until I've been told black and white by a doctor that I don't. Any symptom I get, or even invent, isn't just an innocent thing anymore. I have to be told back and white "Don't worry, this isn't serious and you won't get ill and die young". Oh well, I've got my CBT assessment in 8 days, so hopefully that path might help.
Also, if you have a sore throat, do NOT use a mobile phone light (the ones that work as a flash on some smartphones) to look down your throat. The light is so bright, your mouth looks bizarre and you can just... eurgh... don't do it!
(Sorry that wasn't a constructive post and just me rambling on, just I find it uber useful to spill out whatever I've been chewing round and round in my head here, where I know at least a few people who understand will see it)
Basically, my right tonsil is kinda big. It has been for at least 6 weeks, maybe more, but I hadn't really worried about it as my anxiety was off focusing on other things. But with them now out the way and dealt with, my tonsil is getting my full attention.
It isn't even really that big. It just peeks out ever so slightly. If I didn't check my body umpteen times a day for signs of illness, I wouldn't even have noticed the thing. I've felt like I've been about to have a full blown throat infection a couple of times over the last 6 weeks or so but its never come, and do have a slightly irritated throat, so common sense says its just a minor infection that I can't shift. Right?
Wrong! Of course it is Throat Cancer, or most likely tonsil cancer. Either way the big C is there. I even went to the doctors (I was there anyway for a completely unrelated blood test for a medical form I need so just popped in to see one) and the person I saw was spectacularly unimpressed with the size of my tonsil. She felt my neck, found nothing interesting there, and was like "Yeah, your right tonsil is kinda swollen, do you want some antibiotics or something?" I don't know why, but then your GP is really unimpressed - not negligent or unsympathetic, just giving off a vibe that screams 'This isn't serious at all...' - with your symptoms, I find it really reassuring.
So I'm now here with my antibiotics and a still swollen\irritated tonsil. And the fact that 3 days into a 10 day course of penicillin v there is no improvement means that I was right all along, it IS cancer and I should go back and get referred to a specialist to start chemo ASAP so I don't die. This is all despite the fact that I don't feel ill, I have no trouble swallowing, I can't even find a lymph node to be swollen, don't have teeth falling out my jaw, haven't got any blood in anything, have no cough and have, you know, no bad pain in my neck and jaw.
You know, this is what is driving me nuts about health anxiety. I can't just have a sore throat anymore. I have to have throat cancer. And I won't believe that I don't have some horrific life threatening disease until I've been told black and white by a doctor that I don't. Any symptom I get, or even invent, isn't just an innocent thing anymore. I have to be told back and white "Don't worry, this isn't serious and you won't get ill and die young". Oh well, I've got my CBT assessment in 8 days, so hopefully that path might help.
Also, if you have a sore throat, do NOT use a mobile phone light (the ones that work as a flash on some smartphones) to look down your throat. The light is so bright, your mouth looks bizarre and you can just... eurgh... don't do it!
(Sorry that wasn't a constructive post and just me rambling on, just I find it uber useful to spill out whatever I've been chewing round and round in my head here, where I know at least a few people who understand will see it)