Wanting to harm others

[alicia10]

Hi

I really need help!


Sorry this will be long!! I have been utterly unable to even do anything over the past week. At the beginning I was obsessed, because of something stupid that I did, that I was really ill and convinced myself that I think I was dying. I know that sounds ridiculous, but even though doctors told me I would probably be OK I was always thinking "but there's no actual tests been done..." etc. Now this spiraled me into a state of depression/strong OCD. Or so I hope. Everything has been feeling like it's not real and I suffered a panic attack when I tried to go to a restaurant for a meal with friends. Ever since then it's almost like I've been obsessed with thinking about the worst case scenario that would happen. In my mind that would be going mad (because everything wasn't feeling real) and I would loose control and hurt someone. As I began thinking about hurting people, I because obsessed that I was going to do this. After having thinking about it for so long I am now totally fixated with the fact that I will hurt someone. I have had horrible urges, of doing something to people I care about. I know this sounds silly, but it has expanded to absolutely everyone I meet. I'm always like "I could hurt them, I could hurt them" and that inevitably leads to how I could hurt them. It's like I look and someone and think "I could...". I don't want to do this at all and am terrified it's going to happen. I've been to a doctor and been placed on diazepam and have spoken to a therapist who says it's anxiety/OCD, but there is two weeks until antidepressants may work, and I can be referred for CBT. I really am finding it hard to do anything - I went to asda just then and was just a mess. I can't be around my parents because the thoughts are there.

Does anyone have any advice to help me get through in the meantime as to what to do to help stop these thoughts?

[neilish]

I was in EXACTLY the same state after the death of my cat. Yes, my loverly pet cat made me very ill!
This was the first time I had ever felt anything like this.
At first, all I could think of was death. Nothing else just the whole 'what is death?' etc. Massive OCD for about a week, without me even realising it until the point I felt massive anxiety!

Ive never harmed anyone in my life, and never ever thought of hurting anyone in away. But, I went through a very bad phase of 'this knife could hurt someone' 'I could hurt someone with this screwdriver' etc etc. And yes, the closest to me, my parents, brother, uncle were the first people in my mind when I thought of the 'hurt' IT was very scary, I thought I was going insane. I thought that I was turning into a monster. HOW COULD I THINK THESE THINGS??? Its all OCD, and anxiety.

Its very odd, but YOU KNOW you would never hurt anyone. Yes, you have the feeling of 'but what if i do?'
Its a horrible feeling, but I promise you it will pass.

I had these thoughts as I said, after the passing of my pet cat. Strange how the mind works!

Ever visualised it, with a thought? Really not nice at all!

[KFox]

I totally sympathise with you here; I have similar thoughts about harming myself (with what has expanded to practically EVERY object) in a certain place for the past three months and only recently have I been taking medication and been able to speak to a therapist. I too feel like I am stuck between a rock and hard place, not being able to stop thinking about all these horrible things almost all of the time.

Our imagination runs wild. It doesn't stop searching for things to worry about. The physical sensations of anxiety definitely do not help us handle our mental symptoms more effectively. I still think time is the most effective healer in some ways, but then in some cases it takes a LONG time... so we have to look at some other options here... CBT is supposed to be the best reccommended treatment for OCD and unwanted thoughts going just now and I'm still waiting for it to come as well.

To help you cope with this I don't reccommend any techniques like "thought stopping" since that seemed to do me more harm than good (and holds little to no scientific merit). You could remind yourself that you do not have evil intentions - I try this myself and though it doesn't make these impulses we get that much less compelling, it does help keep things in perspective a little bit.

Hope you'll be alright ;)

[FRANKIEISBACK]

this symptom is very common ...get the book getting control by lee baer

[scott26]

Hi
Really feel for you as I know how horrible it is. I'm going through a very similar thing. I've got a wife and 2 small children that I love so much. I have horrible thought that revolve around the people I love the most. Mine started after I thought I was dying too. But I just wanted to tell you that you can and will get better but the more you fight the thoughts the worse they become/hang around. I've been for CBT and it was very helpful for me. I learnt that the more you try to stop these thoughts the worse they become. Like trying to plug holes in a damm. These are just thoughts allow them just to pass. Try not to give them any meaning. I tend to write a diary now as I also friend writing it all down helps, as I'm not a very good talker. Try going for a walk/run.You will feel better soon and I hope you get on ok with your cbt.

[lleksam]

I had the same thoughts.

I did CBT and I was told to go along with them, Even egg them on! The more I said "sure lets kill someone, lets do it right now" the more they started to disappear and lose their impact. It is really scary and causes your anxiety to rise at the start but it will go down.

CBT will help you, I'm sure it will!

[lleksam]

Honestly Alicia CBT is the best way to cure OCD...

It will take some time and it will be difficult but it really does work if you put the effort and do things you're afraid of. I lived for 6 years before I started my CBT and I wish to god I started it when I first became ill and not tried so many medications...

I could not see these thoughts ever stopping from just talking about stuff but I was so wrong...CBT changed my life.

Best of luck to you, Remember OCD is an illness like any other. You have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about.

[Martin Burridge]

The thing that gives the thought its power is the very behaviours you use to try and neutralise it. For example if you worry that you will hurt a particular person you may avoid them or make sure there are no sharp objects around.

Your mind observes your behaviours, sees that you are acting on the thought and this gives the thought credibility. Now that it thinks the thought is credible it sends it to you more often and stronger. This makes you feel more anxious so you try harder to neutralise it. And so begins a vicious cycle that is hard to get out of. This is how OCD works

CBT will help you accept the thoughts as harmless and you will be taught ways of letting the anxiety pass (which it will) without using neutralising behaviours. When your mind learns that it is not important because you do not act on it then the power and frequency of the thoughts will diminish.

[ricky87]

i know how you feel about being spaced out. i wake up every day feeling spaced out and nothings real. i drink alcohol which doesnt help in the long run anyway tell your psychiatrist everything i do theyve heard worst trust me. anyway the spaced out and unrealness of everything is from anxiety and also there is a term called deriliazation the psciatrist told me. im just gna start anti depressAnts they make you feel worse before you get better so my advice be round people when taking them and keep yourself busy. x:)

[london]

your never do it it wont happen dont worry
wish you better
god bless