Job offer fears

[fishman65]

Hi everyone,I'm a pretty regular visitor to this site but try to sort out anxieties by myself if I can in more recent times.However,a mate of mine phoned today with the offer of some temporary work on a patio he's building,knowing that by trade I'm a bricklayer.He lives about 8 miles away and I'm pretty sure I could do the job if....yes that's the usual word that crops up time and again....'if'.If my anxiety can cope with going to a place of work,knowing that I don't have the CHOICE of turning back if my anxiety starts to creep up.I'm tempted to do the work because of the money obviously but then I'm claiming carers allowance to look after my wife who has long term illnesses.This last point should negate the whole problem,but its just the feelings this request for help from my mate has left me with.I kid myself that anxiety/depression etc is in remission but then I realise that anything like this has the power to completely derail me and remind me just how limited I am.I'm not looking for magical answers,just sharing my realisation that I'm still in the clutches of this illness and I suppose always will be?

Thank you for listening, Andy

[Tyke]

Hi Andy

It is very hard to turn down offers of work in the present climate, as there isn't that much work around. Does this mate know about your condition? If he does then maybe you could have a chat with him beforehand and explain the situation. If he doesn't know and you don't want to let on, maybe it is worth giving it a go and if you end up feeling unwell, just passing it off as a virus or stomach upset or something. If you do feel anxious, but stick it out, you may well start to feel a bit better (this has happened to me). I don't know anything about 'Carers Allowance' though or how that would affect things. I do think it's worth a shot though. You are a skilled tradesman and being able to use those skills again would be good for you as well as being able to earn the cash.

Tyke

[Luna]

You're anxious about being in a situation where you can't return home to a place you feel safe, but as Tyke points out you can always say you're feeling ill if you feel overwhelmed. Your friend isn't going to cage you into his garden! Don't worry about being trapped away from home, that worry is only going to make you feel more panicked.

I guess you know that because you can see how your line of thinking is derailing your progress battling anxiety. No magical answers I'm afraid, though I would like one. Just don't feel too bad about the times when your struggling with anxiety, its not something you have any control of (otherwise you'd choose not to have it, right?) all you can do is manage it the best you can and have a good, happy life.

If you want to do the work you could always declare your earnings.

[fishman65]

Thank you guys for the very helpful advice.I know you are both talking a lot of sense,and yes my friend does know about my problems.However,I find it very difficult to tell him,his girlfriend is easier to tell though.I suppose I could pretend I have a virus or something,that might work.Well it wouldn't leave him with much choice as to finding someone else!!I do feel as though the gauntlet has been thrown down though,like I have to take up the challenge?I think its that which I'm wrestling with.

Anyway Tyke and Luna,thank you again for your input,it is greatly appreciated :)

[Tyke]

If you use the virus as a cover maybe you could say beforehand you'd love to do the work, but have been a bit off it recently, but now feel fit enough again. Then should you not cope you could have a 'relapse'. If he knows you are possibly not 100%, it should make it easier to work on through, even if you do feel anxious, and think how great you will feel if you achieve it!

You also are probably under a lot of strain looking after your wife. Most people would accept this would increase the pressure on someone and make them more anxious, so if you feel this is a factor as well, it might be worth mentioning especially if you do decide to come clean about the anxiety. I think nearly all of us would treat this kind of situation sympathetically.