Up and down like a yoyo!!

[londonchris]

Hi all,

I don't know what's up at the moment but I seem to be in and out of health anxiety every day and it's really frustrating. :shrug:

Mine originally started with ectopic beats and I still get them and they still worry me. But now because of the extra tension I get chest pains and also indigestion which all just add to the burden.

Basically I'm 23 and my dr gave me a clean bill of health and the cardiologist said I was fine, but nobody actually explained to me why I feel how I feel and by that time it was too late :weep:

Some days I feel ok (ish) and finally think I'm beginning to recover, but then I'll have a bad day and suddenly plunge down the slippery slope again and feel awful for the next couple of weeks.

I still tend to sleep well and it's the only time I guess my body gets a bit of respite. On waking, I try to stay calm as long as possible but it doesn't usually work.

Today I was calm on waking, but I had one ectopic earlier and now I have a slight mild pain on the left side of my jaw, and my chest feels tight from indigestion.

Obviously my mind is going into heart attack overdrive even though I know it's irrational.

I need to find a way to stop these thoughts entering my mind and ruling me basically. I need to try to accept these symptoms as being anxiety and nothing more, and allowing my body time to recover.

But I don't know where to start. It's so difficult, and I wonder if anybody actually recovers from this horrible state of mind? It's consuming my life, it's become an obsession, but every time I try to escape, I take two steps forward and three steps back.

I don't really know what to do. I know I want to beat it but I just don't know how.

I really don't want to go on medication as I feel it would just mask the symptoms but I'm wasting my life here :weep:

[nhf]

Hi LondonChris

My anxiety started very similarly to yours - palpitations - have had the all clear from the doc, had an echocardiagram of the heart all fine but like you i cant seem to stop my brain from jumping to the worst conclusion. Rationally i know im fine!! its just when that anxiety and panic kick in its hard to believe sometimes. I too have my good days where i think i'm actually starting to feel like the old me and the tiniest thing happens and i feel like i am going backwards. (like today - and im so frustrated with myself, i just wish i could stop these irrational thoughts, hopfully my CBT will help me through)

We just have to believe we will get there - it takes time to recover and im sure we will!! Not much help in my post sorry just wanted you to know your not alone! x

[londonchris]

Hi nhf :)

It's good to know we're not alone thank you for your post!

I find it quite crazy really that so many millions of people in the world have anxiety disorders of all types, and yet awareness is practically zero.

I haven't told anyone at work about my anxiety disorder because I feel like I'd be ridiculed, so I suffer in silence. Only my partner and closest family know.

I just feel that if I'd known about anxiety prior to my palpitations, I could have just brushed it off. Now, three years in, it's bound to be far tougher!

I agree though, it's so annoying when you have a great day or two and then an awful day. So frustrating!!! x

[nhf]

I dont have any family close by, they live about 160 miles away so all of my friends are aware of my anxiety as they were the ones coming to hospital with me when i was having the palps and tests - friends are defiantly the family you choose. They have been amazing with me.

I didnt really tell anyone at first work at first but i have now - i work in a small office so everyone knows but i also find that helps me sometimes as there are good days and bad days and they talk me down on the bad.....

The annoying part for me is that i know i used to experience all of these physical symptoms before the anxiety and the tests yet i always used to brush them off and ignore them and get on with life, they never really bothered me but when i actually went to the doctor about them he took one listen to my heart and my BP and called an ambulance and sent me to hospital. This is where my anxiety started. Part of me wishes i'd never gone to the doctor that day and continued as i was!

I also think its difficult for people who have never experienced anxiety themselves. I know my family struggle to understand as none of them are worriers - they tend to say 'your fine! get on with it there is nothing to worry about' - If only we could!! lol x

[ItchyOne]

Hi LondonChris, I know exactly how you feel. I too, am going through the roller coaster ride on health anxiety. There are days when I feel I'm getting better and I consciously force myself not to think negatively. However, the moment a new symptom appears, I sink back into HA's clutches.

I often look forward to night time, because like you, I still tend to sleep well (thankfully!). And sleeping clams me down. Fortunately, I don't have nightmares and strangely in my dreams, I don't seem to exhibit any signs of HA. So you can tell why I always look forward to sleep time.

Only my wife knows about my condition in full details. Other family members only know bits and pieces of my condition. I don't tell my friends much as I feel they won't understand what I'm going through and they tend to give very frivilous comments.

This past 1 week has been great for me. I feel almost anxiety-free so I really took this opportunity to run a lot of errands that I've been putting off. I hope the good mood will last a little longer this time as I'll be going on a week long business trip 2 days from now. My mind tends to wander whenever I'm away from my family and my comfort zone. Wish me luck...

[londonchris]

Hi ItchyOne, thanks for you reply. You sound exactly the same as me! I sleep like a baby most nights it's lovely but just recently I've been finding myself more anxious on going to bed than I used to and I want to nip this in the bud straight away.

Basically my anxiety doesn't seem to surround the actual symptoms I get anymore so much as my fear of having heart problems. I've had the tests done and they come back fine, but when you're getting these funny beats it can be disconcerting. But even that doesn't affect me that much now, it's more the thought that one day I'm going to get a heart attack.

I get those horrible images in my head of myself being in pain and the thought it could strike at any time winds me up to the point of dispair. I don't know why I get like this to be honest but it's just the way I am and I've never really seen a solution as yet to this problem.

Until I can beat the underlying thoughts and feelings, I have no chance tackling the rest of this and until I do, it's always going to be an issue :weep:

[ciccone-hassell]

hi londonchris
i no the feelin i have had ecgs and 24hr heart traces but i still think i'm gunnas have a massive heart attack but i dont get joy going to bed my panicin get worst as i lay down and can hear my heart beat all the dam time " does anyone else " dont try and let bedtimes become stressfull like i have its makin my life even a bigger struggle :( , my docs and hospitail said my heart was fine but i'm still not convinced atm :(

[ItchyOne]

Hi LondonChris, you're right. If there is a definite solution, this forum wouldn't exist. :) But I find great comfort being here knowing that there are others like me. It's not a solution to my HA issues, but it does help to make my day smoother.

Even though I'm currently in a HA-free mode, I fear the next attack as it always come without warning. For example, even watching Dr House or ER can sometimes trigger my anxiety. But knowing these triggers, I now learn to avoid them to keep my HA-free period longer.

I also have chronic urticaria (hives) and I'm currently under daily antihistamine meds. I sometimes get this intense itch and rash all over my arms and legs. (now you know why I'm the ItchyOne... :roflmao:) In the past, whenever I get the hives attacks, I will plunge deep and swim in really bad anxiety. I now try learn to live with it and to simply shrug it off.

So anyway, I won't expect that I'll be completely free from anxiety in the near future, so I don't just sit and wait for that day to happen. As you said, it's up and down like a yoyo. So make full use of every second you have when it's the up swing. Run the errands you've been putting off, spend time with your friends and family, and just smile. :) And you're down, come back to the forum to seek comfort. We're always here!