face my fear of driving - i got a puncture

[darkangel]

I am a recovering agoraphobic and one of my fears is driving - not the driving itself but I never go far from my town centre and surrounding areas. I have been practising going that little bit further and I was doing eally well. I get anxious if stuck in traffic or worry that i may breakdown. Yesterday I got a puncture - it was the end of the world - to me. I know it is stupid but i couldnt think clearly what to do - i never changed a tyre in my life - could i drive with a puncture - it was totally flat with a big piece of metal stuck in it. I am a member of RAC but when i phoned they said it would be at least an hour and half i broke down in tears and explained i couldnt sit for that long - i think she must have thought i was mad. My thoughts escalated and all the what ifs arose. When I panic i need to eat - i had nothing - no bach rescue remedy and very little water left as I was on my way back home.
I eventually phoned my ex husband - I havent had any contact since leaving him last June but by this time I was frantic. He did come and fix it but now I feel so stupid - the last thing i wanted to to let him see me in that state and he smirked as he went off as he always said I couldnt live independently - and I have tried so long to prove that i can. God i am wittering on - the puncture made me realise that I am vulnerable and in times of "crisis" there is no-one i can turn to - apart from internet friends.
I did drive again this morning but I feel I have lost my confidence.
Any advice please
Darkangel

........life is for living not just for surviving

[jackie]

you can live indepenantly and even though i do not have a fear of driving i too would have to ring someone in a situation like that.

its not important what yuor ex thinks as you know different and although we all have vulnerabilities and this anxiety leaves its maek yuo drove this morning so pat yuorself in the back. as the days go on and you keep driving the experience you had will fade and the fear of it too will fade, setbacks are a part of life but it is how we deal with them that counts, you dealt with yours face on good on you

take care your doing well

jackie

[Alexandra]

Hi Hun

Big hugs going out to you (((((((((Dark)))))))))))

Just to say again i agree with all that Jackie says & that you are a strong person who has achieved so much lately.

You are doing well & i admire you for that.

Take Care



Alex

Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart

[tessie]

I too have a fear of driving outside of my 'comfort zone' . This all came from a bout of agoraphobia, and the feeling that I was not living in my own body. These two sensations were awful, as I could not make it to the first lamp post on my street without being terrified, and short of breath. The driving issue unfortunately still exists, and I have a tendancy to slam on the breaks when frightened. This is not good wtih two children. All I can say, is that little steps do ammount to an amazing defeat, as onlt perseverance alone will allow you to live your life, and not let this 'thing' beat. you. Well done!

Tess

[carldourish]

Do you know whats funny? I'm a man and I've never changed a tyre, couldn't even tell you how to do it. I know where the petrol and water goes. You clearly know what the issues are. I think you did great!!

Carl

[honeybee3939]

Hi Darkangel,

I have a fear of driving also, i think you are so brave getting back in your car this morning and driving you seem a very strong person,

WELL DONE !!!!

P.S i cant change a tyre either !!:D


Love Andrea
xxx

[darkangel]

Thank you for your replies and it has made me rationalise it.

i spoke to a friend today about it - a man of course and he said "its so easy to change - you could have read the instructions in the car manual" only a man would say something like that - when in panic mode the last thing I could do would be to concentrate on a car manual !!!!

When I look back on the "incident" I try and find the positive - and it was that I got through it, ok I felt awful but nothing bad happened and I did get back home. Sorry carl but EFT did go out the window - it proved one thing though - IT WAS ONLY MY THOUGHTS that kept the anxiety going - it wasnt really the puncture it was all the WHAT IFS that got me into a panic.

I thought I was doing so well as I have learned how to open the bonnet and check oil and water - I did have to refer to the car manual to find how to open bonnet mind u - but thats another story !!!!


Thank you again for your kind words of encouragement

Darkangel


........life is for living not just for surviving

[Elle-Kay]

Darkangel, my dad used to be a car mechanic, for many years, and since I learnt to drive (and joined the AA) he told me never to change a tyre myself, but to call out the AA. He says that you have to get the jack in just the right place for a start, and then you have to make sure that the nuts are really tight when you put the new wheel on, neither of which a woman would find easy to do (and I'm a very pro-female-independence type of gal, so I'm not saying that men are more capable here!). So don't feel bad, or that you aren't independent for not being able to change a tyre - it's nothing to be ashamed of to admit that someone else has more expertise in something than you, and ask for their help! :)

--- Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

[darkangel]

hi leah

yes you hit the nail on the head - ASKING FOR HELP - this is a big issue for me - I was brought up to be independent and rely only on myself and not to appear weak. It is a barrier i am working on and yes you are right. I guess I felt I SHOULD be able to do it.

Thank your for that

Darkangel

........life is for living not just for surviving

[panicdiva]

darkangel,

I'm glad you are starting to look at the positives. To me the most positive thing you did was get into a car the very next day & drive. Surely, when you were at your worst you would not have been able to do that. I don't think it was a setback at all for you - I think you have proved to yourself that you can get through your worst fears. Calling someone to come & get you by the way is soooooo normal. Even people who do not have fears about driving would have done the same thing - I don't know many who would wait 1 & a half hours for the RAC. Well done to you !!!!!