View Full Version : Getting sick of this now!!!
So, I am really trying to get myself better, been going out with my fiancé and trying to go for walks by myself, not far, just round the block, but I still feel awful, it is not getting any easier or better!! What is the point? I can't see it getting better then this, and I certainly can't see me being well enough to deal with our wedding on 25 August!! I just can't go on like this, I try to be positive but everyday I just feel awful. Just feels like my brain is not working properly and it's really getting me down, I don't know what to do anymore. I am taking my tablets and waiting for CBT and councelling but I have been down this route before. I just feel like giving up.
Sorry for the rant but I just feel worthless and useless.
hello Ames:)
you are so not worthless and useless Ames ........no no emphatic NO :hugs:
just weary of the struggle to keep balanced and hopeful ..it is blooming exhausting and leaves you feeling vulnerable and scared of course it does .
You are doing very well in getting out for walks with your fiance who sounds very supportive .....just keep plodding on with this and push your boundaries gently. Are you still taking Cit?
I remember you were worried about your hen night and how much once you were there .............you enjoyed it and felt so proud of yourself .
you will be fine on your wedding day my love :hugs:
we just have to remember that it is the same adrenaline hormone that makes us excited and anxious depending on situation .
you go for excited ..............the day will go lovely and if you need to go off for a while to calm yourself .....then that is fine too. it is you and your husbands day . no one will think anything of it .
it is your day and it will be pass so quickly Ames ....with joy in your heart honest.
you can and will do this .......it is only a few hours ....but will make you and your fiance so happy.:)
dont look into the future of what ifs?:ohmy:...........take each moment as it comes .the people at your wedding love you and will understand a few nerves.
xxxxx
I know. I'm still on the tabs just worried they arent working. I'm just in a foul mood today and peed off with having to struggle everyday. I want to go back to work and be a 'normal' person again but my daily symptoms, weird head being the worst, I just can't see that happening. I cant explain what I mean by weird head, it's like dizzy, with funny eyes, and pressure and just feels like not quite stable? Really hard to describe but won't go away. I hate it, I just want to hide in bed today but my fiancé wants to go out and go things as he is back from work early.
Some days I feel really excited about the wedding but days, like today, that I can't be bothered to think about anything.
Thanks got your positive words, I just wish I could believe in myself. Xx
I know exactly your symptoms today ............the dizzy fuzzy head .pressure in eyes and not being quite here ?
My eyes were the nasty feelings..........peering out into a world I couldnt engage with . unable to shake the fuzzy feeling .
sorry if too upbeat in last mail .......just want to say Ames ..........what you feel today does not mirror tomorrow . we know how it can change .
take care xxx
I like it when people are up beat, because I can be too!! Just not today, but tomorrow is another day!! My fiancé is now snoring on the sofa with the tennis on, so I might sneak off and have a nap, may feel better when I wake up.
I really do appreciate your replies, please don't think I don't. Xx
snap :)
old man snowgoose is gently zzzzzzzzzzzing as well on sofa .waiting for Murray to play next :mad:
have a nap .... might join you in cyber land :hugs:
stay positive if you can Ames xxx
Anxious_gal
30-06-11, 00:40
This might sound silly, but positive thinking has been what helps me.
When you go for your walk try praising yourself, you might feel a bit daft :)
Say things like go me I'm going for a walk, I might be scared to death but I'm still walking, notice all the nice things you see as your walking.
Cause if your thinking negative thoughts, like ugh why am I still anxious, why is my heart racing, I should have stayed at home, this isn't working, .....
It hard when your feeling bad to stay positive, maybe make a play list of happy music and listen to it while you walk?
I do that, I have some nice relaxing music too that seems to help me chill out a bit and to walk slower, I'm always in a rush cause of the anxiety :)
Visualization can help, I use it a lot but then I do tend to day dream way too much.
Imagine yourself at the wedding having fun, feeling calm and relaxed, really add in all the details, sounds, smells, feelings, conversations.
Bed time is a nice time to do this :)
When you imagine every thing going wrong, well it just creates anxiety, I always say most of my anxiety is caused by imagination!
trying to go for walks by myself
I still feel awful, it is not getting any easier or better!! What is the point?
I just feel like giving up.
If the next time you're out, you feel like giving up, then I agree...give up!:winks: Say to yourself your anxiety has beaten you, you just don't care anymore and you just can't be bothered to keep fighting the anxious feelings off.
Try it...and see what happens...and if you feel better I'll explain why.:winks::hugs:
Thanks guys, I'm willing to give anything to try!! I'll let you know how I get on. Xx
Ok, so tried to go to the local shop (it's down a big hill and I think that's my problem, not good with hills) and I couldn't do it, so I accepted it and turned back, now I just feel stupid and disappointed. What should I do?? X
No one can expect to dive into a swimming pool and learn how to swim straightaway so there's no need to beat yourself up. Instead you should be praising yourself for giving it a go!
So, what do we do when we're learning how to do something? We learn from experience, learn the right technique and keep persevering until we can swim without fear...or we stay home if that makes us feel happier.
Perhaps tackling the whole hill as a first attempt is like diving into the deep end. Try a more shallow attempt first and gradually build up to swmming the channel. Too much in one go can be very defeating and does nothing for our confidence. Confidence has to be built up gradually but we must always expect little setbacks along the way so remember not to beat yourself up for having courage.
One last thought, if you're thinking to yourself before you go out, "I'm really afraid and terribly anxious" or "I can do this so don't be afraid", you're already creating a mountain to climb. What do you think or say to yourself before you get out of a chair? Anything? I expect the only thought you have is why you need to get up because getting out of a chair represents no fear. So the next time you go out for your small attempt you need to train your mind with the same thought. "I need to pop down the road because I need to get...". If you allow your mind to focus on anxious thoughts, your anxious feelings will keep making you focus on anxious thoughts because you're creating a cycle that feed your anxiety. Anxiety starves when we learn that it can't harm us so we don't need to keep thinking about it or how we're feeling.
Remember, the next time you see a ghost, say "boo" back and keep walking towards it no matter how you feel because then you find the only power it has is the ability to say "Boo" to you but it has no substance. It just makes you believe it does by frightening you. Once you learn to ignore it and forget it's even there by paying it no attention at all, it Will also ignore and forget you.
For instance, if a lion is in front of you you're going to feel petrified with anxious feelings. How do you feel when it's not there? Your mind creates the image of a lion so your mind can also make it disappear by learning how not to think about it by focusing on what you want to do rather than how you're feeling.
People say about looking for a cure when really the cure is already within you without you even being aware. Anxious feelings are a natural reaction to things we find stressful. They only become a problem when we keep focusing on these feelings because we can't let go which then makes us "feel" very ill. If you're about to take an exam, how do you feel? Your hill is your daily exam. How do we pass an exam? We focus on the right answers and not on how we're feeling otherwise we become a bundle of nerves and fail every time.
Be kind and patient with yourself. You'll get there.:hugs:
Thanks bill, that makes so much sense!! I know I sit on my sofa with my coat on and try to 'build up the courage' to go out, and think about the worst outcome, that being that u panic so much I feel I can't get home!! I will read and re read your post until it is ingrained!! I am also reading the Claire Weekes books which I am finding helpful. Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it!! Xx
Something else to bear in mind is that although a wedding is an exciting event, it also creates alot of stress because there's alot to sort out and you will want everything to be just right. Any form of stress will cause worry, even if you're not aware that it's causing any, so in a way you have another exam to get through, after which things will settle and that pressure will ease so you may find your anxiety also eases to an extent.
Try not to be impatient with yourself as this will also cause stress and tension.
Things will work out ok and once the wedding gets going you'll be too busy enjoying yourself to worry about anxious feelings.
I'm just happy to hopefully be of some help. You're welcome to ask me anything, anytime, if you think I can help further.:hugs:
Please read some of my posts. Take a look at how i was when i first joined and how i am now. I was ignorant about my situation for ages and only this year did i decide to get help and believe me im doing things that i NEVER thought i would do again. Its not easy but it is possible!! You have to remember not to be your own worst enemy when it comes to thoughts, your not a freak or a let down or useless!! Counselling will help!! They will explain some things to you which will suddenly make sense. Remember to try things at your own time and pace..dont feel stupid!! Keep trying to go to the shop..as soon as you dont feel comfortable simply say oh well smile and turn around..remembering nothing bad has happened..then go a little further and a littler futher..eventually you will get there even if you dont go in you can then walk back knowing you go there!! Do not expect to much of yourself to soon else you will increase the fear - your flight or fight reponse will go "hang on i really didnt like this before"..
Well, I managed to get down to the shop!! Yey!! I did have to call my best friend from work because I freaked out, and she ran to me (work is only 2mins away) she stayed with me for about 5mins but had to get back, so o did my shop, and managed the walk back up with no incident (the walk up was what I was fearing most as I don't like to get hot and out of breath at the moment!!) I am proud of myself, but is it still progress if I had to use my friend as a crutch like that?? Xx
I am proud of you aswell!!!! you should be VERY proud!! Well Done :)
of Course its progress we will use people to "lean on" and help us to cope. xxxx
I find that walking in more familiar surroundings such as my local area leads to me becoming greatly anxious. I prefer to be in an area where no one knows me, no one will bump into me, ask me questions on how I am doing etc. It becomes greatly overwhelming and leads to me running back to my safe haven that I call home. It sends me further back on my progress too! Recently, I have started getting on the bus/going out in the car to a familiar area for me but an area where the chances of bumping into others are very slim. By the time I do bump into someone, it's usually when I am on an almighty high for achieving my little adventure. Even if it was to the main town for a spot of retail therapy or just to find a quiet spot to sit down and observe peacefully all that goes on around me. Have a little try if you can, it may work, it may not. But know that wherever you are that you are within a distance to a bus stop or an area where your loved ones can come and collect you. I think having the thought of knowing that someone is there for me if it gets too much and is willing to come to my aid is greatly reassuring. I wish you the very best on your journey xx
Thanks guys. I know I'm getting there. I am ok when with other people, I just need to build my confidence to venture into the world alone!! Xx
managed the walk back up with no incident
Remember the above and every time your fear surfaces, keep reminding yourself of those words. This way you will instill self-belief. Even if you do have a setback, remember those words because the setback will Only be caused by self-doubt and fear. The best way to combat fear is self-confidence so the more you can do this walk without incident, the more you'll believe in yourself, the easier it'll become and it becomes as natural as getting out of a chair without thinking anything other than what you want while you're out.
I was watching the tennis today and the winner was asked how did you stop yourself freezing on match point? The answer was they focused on what they had to do to Win that point and Not what "might" happen if they Lost that point. The more you focus on negative thoughts, the more the negative thoughts will determine the outcome. Believe in yourself and your ability in the knowledge that you WILL be ok just have you have been before and that there is Nothing to fear but fear you create for yourself.
Be proud of achievements but don't knock yourself when things go wrong. Be proud that you gave it a go and don't look back at bad memories, only the times you coped.
What's the difference between winning and losing? Self-Confidence. Whether in sport or in life, to succeed you need to build confidence and the only way is to keep practising the right technique until you get it right because life is a game full of mistakes and ups and downs but just as in sport, you just have to keep going if you really want to beat your opponent called anxiety.
I would say you've won your first point so you know now you can win. Now you need to keep going with what you've learnt until you've won the match.:hugs:
Thank you so much bill, you are such a great support to me, and I bet, alot of others on here. Had a really good night last night, had 6 people over for tea and poker, and we stayed up late chatting in the garden, was lovely!! Knackered today though!! Nice relax for me I think!! Xx
Feeling sick of feeling sick, is a pivotal moment in anyones relationship with anxiety.
Very often now, when my anxiety grows, I tell it you go for it and do its worst!!! I ask it to destroy me, to do i the very worst thing it can do.... At those moments ( when I sincerely mean it ) the anxiety starts to fade.
I'd be interested to hear how you get on so I'll keep a watch out for your posts. If I think I can offer anything to keep you going, I'll certainly reply.:hugs:
Thanks bill, been doing a bit better. Can go out with others quite easily, just still struggling to get out alone, I think that's just a confidence thing. Really looking forward to the wedding now, and even thinking about going back to work!!
Really tired today though so haven't done anything really, except house work!! But o can accept that as just a tired day and carry on tomorrow!!
As has been said, its like swimming. You cannot jump in the pool and expect to swim instantly! You have to unlearn all the negatives you feel.
Six months ago, i couldnt do anything. I used to lock myself in my room, never socialise, i avoided my friends, and about 3 months ago i broke up with my girlfriend. I couldnt do anything. I was constantly miserable, fed up, sick of not being able to control my own life.
I saw the doctor and was perscribed beta blockers. I took them for 3 days then hated the way they made me. I felt worse after taking them!
One day, i decided i needed something from the shops. I didnt really want to go, and even tried to convince myself that what i was going for was a stupid thing to get. I got so fed up that i kinda snapped with myself, and forced myself to go into the town.
I felt horrible the whole trip. BUT... When i got back i was chuffed i had accomplished it. The following day i went out somewhere else.
About a month ago i went out for a night out. I have lived in this town now for a year, and only been out 3 times in the whole time i had been here. Again, i felt sick, ill, uneasy, light headed. I stayed the course of the night, and the longer it went on the better i became. The following weekend i went out again, with no problems at all. This past weekend, i managed to go out on the night, but then the following day, i managed to catch up with 2 friends who i hadnt seen for months because of my anxiety. Not only that, but i met 4 of their friends, and even managed to have dinner, in a pub, in a random town i had never been to before. A few months ago i wouldnt of been able to leave my room. Now i am gradually improving.
After 4 years of suffering, torturing myself and getting myself worked up, that snap was what got me motivated again. Im still not 100%, but i can guarentee that it will eventually get better for you! Its hard to take that first step, but once you do, you will find that afterwards things slowly become better. It may take a while, but it WILL HAPPEN!
Best of luck for your wedding! It will be stressful, but i guarentee when you are up there taking your vows, the anxiety will be the last thing on your mind. It will be the build up to the wedding that will make you feel the worst, but thats because you will obsess over it before you get there! Get yourself out there, enjoy your life. Its nothing to be feared! And as you tackle each day head on, you will gradually unlearn the terrible things, and remember why you enjoyed life!
Matthewh thank you so much for your post, you are doing really well!! I know I am gonna get there, I am now more easily accepting the bad days, and still try and go for a little walk or something. I will keep pressing on and get my life back!! Xx
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