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apm
03-04-04, 16:34
Hi everyone, bit of a specific question, this one.
For work, I am booked to go to New York in early May for a conference (American Psychiatric Association, ironically, delivering a workshop about burnout in psychiatrists!). Sine my first (and only) panic attack just over 2 weeks ago, I've been feeling the 'fear of the fear', and while I think this is improving, I'm feeling anxious about whether I'll be able to go or not. While I am able to function reasonably well (go to work, go out etc), and I've faced two big fears (going on a train and getting stuck in traffic), I'm thinking that it would be sensible to cancel the trip to 1) remove this as a source of anxiety and 2) lose the possibility that I'll get there and have a shockingly horrible time. What do you think? Work have paid, so no loss to me, and I should be able to find someone to fill in for me.

Thanks in advance,

Alex.

If you're in a hole, stop digging... unless you're a miner.

sarah
03-04-04, 17:09
Hiya Alex

I was in a similar (ish) position to you in October but it was a holiday not a conference. My husband basicaly made it clear that if I didnt go then I wasnt making an effort and he wouldnt be happy with me at all. i.e was it worth staying with me etc.

I was pretty much agoraphobic at the time so it was extremely difficult to even contemplate trying. Anyhow, I went to the doctor and explained my problem and he gave me some diazepam to relax me for the journey, I took them on the day of the flight and was completely fine and had a great time. (I also had a relaxation CD that I played non stop on the flight and a puzzle book to occupy me).

Maybe you dont want to take the diazepam route but the advice I would give is dont start avoiding things as it will make you worse.
The anticipatory anxiety is often worse than the actual event.

love Sarah
xx

Brownie
03-04-04, 17:45
Hi Alex,

I say, try to go...dont be afraid of the panic (easier said then done I know) But I bet you will have a great time, and maybe it will get your mind off of the panic. Just keep yourself occupied while your in the city, believe me there are so many things to do I know because i live 10 minutes away lol. Do you take any meds?? As Sarah said bring your diazapam just for peace of mind so that you know you can calm down quick if you have to. And New York City in the spring.....who would want to miss out on that? Its the best time to go!
Good Luck Alex..I hope ya go.

-Christie[:I]

apm
03-04-04, 18:26
Thanks guys- excellent advice as always. Trouble is, I'm not on meds, and I'm reluctant to go that route. The main thing that concerns me is that this trip will be weighing on my mind from now until I go, preventing me from making progress! I will also (for most of my time there) be on my own, and even before I got this thing of ours I wasn't much of one for socialising with strangers in strange surroundings! My fear is that assuming I get there ok, I'll have a miserable time. It's not the place- I've visited NY before twice with friends and had a stunning time. Also before my attack, I was always paranoid about flying- not the actual flying, but being on time, missing the flight etc. I just feel that a trip of this magnitude would be too much too soon! I'm also not avoiding situations that scare me, having already done the two major ones I was worried about (train and stuck in traffic). The colleague I'm presenting with has been very understanding, and suggested that I cancel (he's a psychiatrist!). Likely, given the event, that there'll be drug company do's I'm expected to go to, and I'm sure I'd rather avoid those.
Hmm.. thinking about it, I'm not sure I want to go, actually. What do you guys reckon?

If you're in a hole, stop digging... unless you're a miner.

sarah
03-04-04, 18:39
Hiya Alex

Ok, so youve been putting yourself in anxiety situations already and not avoiding things. In that case, I believe that theres no point forcing yourself to do something just because you think you should.

Like me...I somtimes go out to places and think... do I really want to go or am I going just because I think I should to practice getting over the panic? Most of the time I go somewhere in the freezing cold and rain because im trying to 'cure' myself when I truly would be happier in the warm at home like most sensible 'normal'people...lol

So now you have another choice. Why not cancel the trip if as you say it wont be a problem with work and make your next flight abroad something more pleasant than a work commitment..a holiday. This will mean time to enjoy yourself and no extra pressure's that you dont need right now?

love Sarah
xx

Meg
03-04-04, 18:46
Dear Alex,

I completely understand this one. I work in clinical trials and am very familar with the big conferences abroad and the Pharma do's. They can be very unpersonal and overwhelming.

It's a month away. You may feel so much better by then but I would certainly be starting to find a standby and plan B.

If you have a colleague/friend/ other people from work you can rely on to be a mate during a rough patch I think you will be ok , but if you are going to be with strangers and reps, drinking too much and staying up too late or being hotel alone then I agree a rain check may be your healthiest option this year.

Be kind to yourself.

You might want to think about getting a weekend away somewhere closer by plane during April to see how the flights are to help you decide.

If you were going because you had to - consider cancelling - if you were looking forward to it previously then think carefully before cancelling as the reasons you were looking forward to will still be there.





Meg

"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

- Guillaume Apollinaire

apm
04-04-04, 11:49
Great advice Meg- confirms everything I was thinking! I'm not afraid too much of the flying, or even giving the workshop, it's just the whole thing I think might be a bit overwhelming just now.

Many thanks for your sage words!

Alex.

If you're in a hole, stop digging... unless you're a miner.

uryjm
04-04-04, 20:44
Alex
I know if I cancelled a work trip - anywhere - due to anxiety, it would be a big step backward. Sure, I could justify it to myself before I went, and you seem to have some very valid reasons for wanting to avoid it, but after it had passed I'd berate myself for having let the anxiety start to control my life instead of me controlling it. New York avoided this week, next week something else. Where will it end before I choose to put a stop it? So my advice would be choose to go. Think of the positives of the trip, the new friends you might meet, being in a great city on expenses, how the trip might help you do your job better and so on. Good luck.

Jim

apm
04-04-04, 20:57
Hi Jim,
Appreciate your thoughts, and this is something I've been puzzling over for a while. I do agree with everything you've said- makes alot of sense. I have decided to not go, though. Despite being a fab city, I wasn't massively looking forward to the trip- quite stressful anyway, and I'd be on my own alot of the time (likely to be in hotel room!!- I'm not a great mixer in a strange city). I am actually giving 2 presentations between now and then (one London, one Cardiff)- it's not so much the trip or the presentation, but all of it together. It's making me anxious now, and I feel I need to not have it hanging over me if I'm to recover as soon as I can, if you see what I mean! As Meg says, I just think it'd b to much that soon. I feel I've made alot of progress already- so I'm not hugely concerned. Am I being naive??

Thanks again,

Alex.

diana
05-04-04, 18:19
Dear Alex,

Welcome to our little family here. :)

So nice to have you here. :)

You have already had so much good advice thrown your way.

All I can add is that I agree with what Meg posted on one of her posts above about going if you had originally felt that you would like to but have changed your mind because of anticipatory anxiety.

However if you were never looking forward to the trip in the first place then your choice to decline at this time would probably be the best decision for you right now.

As long as you are sure that you are not avoiding the trip because of the fear of fear.

Do keep us updated on how you are doing.

I wish you luck in your decision making.

Take care,

Diana xxx [:o)]

apm
05-04-04, 20:08
Thanks for the welcome, Diana! It really does feel like a family in the forum, everyone has been so welcoming and full of great advice!
This trip is the sort of trip that I wouldn't have enjoyed very much- being on my own much of the time, and when not having to socialise with drug reps and psychiatrists I don't know! If it was a holiday with friends, it wouldn't be an issue- I'd be there; and as I said, I'm doing a couple of presentations this month, which should help me. If I was well, I'd certainly go, because it will look good on my cv, and I could do some shoppng. Even if my recovery continues, I think I'll still be quite fragile by the time the trip comes, and not quite ready.

It is strange, but I really don't seem to be consciously fearing another attack. The anxiety is still there, but is less intense, although I remain quite restless (although part of that may be cigarette withdrawal...) and I'm still sleeping badly. There are good times and bad times (not so much days) With help from this wonderful group, I feel I am in the road to recovery!

Thanks again to everyone,

Alex.


If you're in a hole, stop digging... unless you're a miner.

diana
05-04-04, 20:33
Hiya Alex,

Well nothing lost if it is a trip you would`nt have normally enjoyed anyway ey?


You are well on your road to recovery Alex for sure, as you said you are "NOT" fearing another attack.

Well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

That in itself is quite an accomplishment.

Only you know your yourself and your body and if you feel that this trip would be a bit much for you right now then you are probably right.

I mean as you say you still have 2 other presentations to give so it is`nt like you are really totally opting out.

I think you will do just fine and that your decision will be fine as well.

Well done on your part for giving up the cigarettes!!!!!!

That is great. :-D

I know you are feeling a little restless, and a bit anxious, but that is to be expected with the withdrawal.

You are doing just fine, don`t worry to much.

Though we know only you can make your final decisions, we are here to support you every step of the way.

Take care,

Diana xxxx

apm
05-04-04, 22:20
Thanks Diana- your words mean alot.
I realised long ago that there's no quick fix for this thing of ours, just taking it day by day and concentrating on the positive. So far, I've been lucky- and the support I've received has been great. I know that there's still a long way to go, but I am feeling pretty positive at the moment, and I think that counts for alot, right?
I know there will be down days/ times in the future, but I truly believe that with help and support from my friends (both in the real world and on this forum) I will get through this!!

Thanks again,

Alex.

If you're in a hole, stop digging... unless you're a miner.

diana
06-04-04, 17:35
You are right Alex. :)

We all will get through this and beat this thing together.

It does take time and blips like you say, but just the fact that you are already feeling very positive is a big accomplishment.

So keep doing what you are doing, and remember we are here if you need a little extra support or advice. :)

You are doing great, Keep it up.

Remember to keep us updated on how you are doing.

Take care,

Diana xxx

apm
06-04-04, 18:39
Hey Diana- once again thanks for your comforting words. This morning I felt great, got good sleep and not much anxiety. Had a good day, although feel a bit jittery now (may be cigarette craving contributing though!).

On the whole, all going well..

Alex.

If you're in a hole, stop digging... unless you're a miner.

diana
06-04-04, 18:45
Great news Alex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you are right about the jittery feelings. Definitely cigarrette cravings, don`t give in LOL............. :-D

Glad everything is going well.

Keep us updated.

Take care,

Diana xxxx

Meg
19-04-04, 22:23
Hey Alex,

How are you doing now and have you done either of your other presentations yet ?

Meg

apm
19-04-04, 22:42
Hi Meg,

I'm doing ok at the moment (after the hangover from the other thread...)- first presentation is thursday afternoon, in London. It's a presentation that I can do in my sleep (material is very familiar), but I'm sure I'll be nervous (I always am!). I am ready to accept that I will get anxious beforehand, and will stay positive that I can get through this without a panic. it's over a month now since my first (and only) attack, so I hope that I can get through this without a hitch!
I've done all of the other things that have been thrown at me so far without any big problems, so hope this is okay. Any advice?

Thanks for being there,

Alex.

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

diana
19-04-04, 23:37
Hiya Alex,

Great to hear from you and to know that you are doing well.:)

I know you will be fine getting through your presentation coming up on Thursday, but like you said you know you will be a bit nervous which is "NORMAL".

Just know that even if you do feel a bit anxious, it will pass. Try not to concentrate on it to much.

It is quite "NORMAL" to get nervous or even a little anxious when doing presentations even for those who do not suffer from anxiety/panic. So not to worry about that. :-D

You will be just fine Alex I know you will.

If you need a picker upper just post and we will do our best to give you the lift you need. That is what we all do for each other here.

You have all of us here that care about you so you are definitely not alone. :)

Take care, and post to let us know how things go for ya okay?

Good luck on the presentation.

Diana xxxx

Meg
20-04-04, 13:17
Just to recognise the difference between expected nerves and having anxiety and not to let your body and thoughts con you into thinking it's worse than it is.

I benchmarked my anxiety, when recovering, by thinking back to how I was when I presented to 300 people long before any panic set in. If I wasn't rushing to the loo, being tachycardic and having leg cramps - then it can't be that bad this time !

I'd now just learnt to fear these symptoms , not accept them as normal as I used to.

Water with rescue remedy nearby.

All the best ...


Meg

"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

- Guillaume Apollinaire

apm
20-04-04, 13:41
Thanks guys- appreciate your advice! I used to do a bit of acting, and used to get awful stage fright- that's a good benchmark! Not quite as bad presenting, but still pretty nervous. All goes once you get going- and I imagine I'll even enjoy it.
Feeling a bit jittery today, but not too bad. Seems to wear off in the evening, and come back in the morning- odd. On balance, though, it is improving. Just have to think back to the first week when I was really anxious, couldn't concentrate, no apetite. I'd say I'm 55-60% back to normal.

Will post nearer the time, as the anxiety/ nerves are bound to get worse!!

Thanks for your support guys- means alot.

Alex.

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

diana
20-04-04, 14:46
Hiya Alex,

You are right "ALL GOES ONCE YOU GET GOING".

You will do just fine, and like you said you might even actually enjoy it. :)

Good on you for not avoiding, which is the worse thing we sufferers can do.

Good that you are feeling more "normal" now. It does take a bit of time though does`nt it?

Keep us updated on things won`t you?

Take care,

Diana xxxx

apm
20-04-04, 15:16
Hi Diana,

Yes, I am determined to not avoid this one, especially since I pulled out of the New York trip. I'm also off to Cardiff to give substantially the same presentation next friday. All go! Difficulty there is if I drive down or take the train (I live in SE London). I can do trains, but don't enjoy the experience (then I never really did). Does taking my car count as avoidance or just doing something I don't enjoy?? Tricky!

It does take a while, this getting better lark- and sometimes that is a worry- am I really getting better? This is especially pertinent when I have a 'good' day or period, when the anxiety goes. When the jitters come back, it just feels like I've lost all of that progress, and I'm back where I started! What I do find very useful (and a tip for all) is to look back over my posts- show how much better things are now! Important to focus on that, although it can be tricky.

You know this, but you guys really help!!

Alex.

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

Meg
20-04-04, 15:43
Alex, Do whatever you would have done before panic ever happened.

'and sometimes that is a worry- am I really getting better?'

everyday I asked that question for ages until reading my diary really was conclusive evidence in itself. It ended up being a list of entries reading 'no issues at all today' especially as I knew I wasn't avoiding any more .

Any blips were a disaster until my partner would laugh with me when I tried to earnestly assure him that this time I was going mad or feeling panicky.

He would relay several incidents when we had played this exact same scenario before and it had never happened.

He would also say - No way - you're so far away from how you were then- believe me I watched you every day when you were really ill.

It's not a fortnights convalescence scenario. I wish .

Keep it up - you're doing great Alex


Meg

Meg
20-04-04, 16:23
Just rereading your post Alex.

Are you Vit B ing in the am ?
Are you having breakfast and then regular wholesome snacks till lunchtime ?

Mornings tend to be worse I think as you wake up with a blank page and instinctively most of us whizz through the day in our minds and usually there is something that hits us and by evening we've done the day and are on wind down.





Meg

"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

- Guillaume Apollinaire

apm
20-04-04, 20:44
Hi Meg- thanks for your replies.

I do usually have a healthy breakfast (malted cereal or a couple of ryvita with marmite-yum!) and an expresso (naughty I know, but my only caffeine of the day). I take a multivitamin and a vit c (can I take b- complex too? The multi contains 100% rda, can you take too muchm of it?) Don't usually snack before lunch, maybe a banana would be good (really into bananas at the moment).

For the past couple of days, the jittery thing has started at about toothbrushing time (I'm sleeping better, and wake up feeling fine). It seems to build to a peak while I'm driving to work (hour journey). Comes and goes during the day, and has been easing off after dinner. Complicated at the moment by 1) me being a bit nervous about this presentation on thursday, and 2) I have started developing feelings for someone (although she is away at the moment), which can feel like nervousness! All very complicated, I know!!

Thanks again- these posts really help!!

Alex.

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

Meg
20-04-04, 22:22
Check your multi vit. If it hasn't got 50mg of most of the B's add in a proper B complex.
Quest vitamins do a good Vit C 1000 mg and B 50 complex combined.

RDA of Vit C is just enough to prevent scurvy, the B amount is similar....

Jittery at start of thinking time ... Learn a language in the car or a talking book - anything to keep you diverted. Prove to yourself it's doable by distraction to keep it out.

Yes, banana is good , nuts are too. Try to keep sugars stable. We use a lot of energy gearing up for the day .

Butterflys eh ? How lovely - I thought you'd got back together with your sort of ex girlfriend ? Better than full blown churny tummy though !




Meg

"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

- Guillaume Apollinaire

apm
20-04-04, 22:36
Thanks Meg- my multi is low on the b's, so I'll add those. Will listen to Radio 4 in the car (usually music), or maybe a spoken word CD. Good ideas!
The love life is kind of complicated, but it is the same girl- just got a little tricky for a while!

Onward and upward!!

Alex.

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

apm
21-04-04, 20:25
Presentation is actually tomorrow morning (good job I forgot to attach my presentation to my colleague organising, or she wouldn't have called me to remind me and I wouldn't have checked the time!). This is a good thing, as it'll be over early. All is prepared. I feel okay this evening, little nervous maybe. Will send a message in from work after, let y'all know how I got on. I did tell the organiser about my thing (she's been a colleague for years), an that I might be a bit twitchy, and would be clutching a bottle of water!!

Take care,

Alex.

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

apm
22-04-04, 12:18
Presentation went well! Felt a bit panicky on the train, but that passed. Felt a bit pacicky again just after I began, but that passed too. Relief to finish, and chat a bit at the end. Phew!]

Next friday is Cardiff. Longer session. But I got through this one- should be no problem. Thanks everyone for your support (especially Meg x).

Alex.

Alex.

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

sarah
22-04-04, 17:28
Hiya Alex

Good on you for doing so well. Thats a great weight off your mind I bet!
One down, one to go..you are halfway there already and now you have done fine on this one, the next wont seem so daunting.

Well done

love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

diana
22-04-04, 20:17
Hiya Alex,

Well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so glad that things went well for you today.

Like Sarah said you are already half way there.

One more to go. The next one should be quite easier than this one don`t you think?

Good to hear that your love life is up and running too. :)

Please keep us posted on how things are going for ya.

You have so many positive things working for you right now.

Great News!!!!!

Take care,

Diana xxx

apm
22-04-04, 20:54
Thanks guys- it's a relief to have it done. But now I have next week to worry about! That one is much longer (about 45 minutes, although familiar material), and I have to facilitate a discussion afterwards. It'll be stressful, but it's not like I have a choice! And I can have a little rest afterwards- no more presentations for a bit.
Thanks so much for your positivity and support- means alot! And meg- thanks for your mail- I didn't get it til I got home, but made me feel good!

I do have a dilemma over how I get to Wales (I live in Bromley). I could take the train, but I'm not great on trains (didn't really like them before)- make me quite uneasy. I've made several journeys recently, but none more than half an hour (Cardiff is 2 hours) and on my own, I don't enjoy it. I could drive but 1) it's a long way and the traffic won't be fun and 2) am I avoiding?? Just wondering if doing a long train journey plus this presentation might be a bit much just now? Or should I just do it?? Timewise, with a fairly clear run there won't be much in it. But friday evening M25? Likely to not be very clear!!

Love to hear what you think!!

Thanks once again,

Alex.
xx



Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

Meg
23-04-04, 10:44
So is the presentation on Friday evening or are you thinking of the return journey ?

How would you gone down to Cardiff pre panic ?

Meg

apm
23-04-04, 15:39
Hi Meg,

Presentation is from 1100 to 1400. Would either go down night before & do hotel or go on the morning. Travel back to London at 1400, after lunch.

Pre panic, difficult to say how I'd have travelled. Before my new job, probably by train. Now I drive alot more, my tolerance for trains is far lower!! I honestly hadn't thought about how I'd get there before last week. The place I'm going is outside Cardiff, so would be a short taxi ride.
It's just that it'd be train, tube, train, taxi (and opposite for return) or just car. In the car I'm fine (even heavy traffic is fine now). Trains make me a bit panicky (yesterday on the way there, I had what I'd call a small anxiety attack- higher heartbeat, blood draining- not a proper panic attack though, and with breathing and water it went), and that on top of travelling to give this presentation is quite a traumatic thought!
Is it sensible to drive, or am I running away? Just be awful to have a panic attack on the train, and have to get off at Bristol! I've only had the one panic so far, so not sure how good I'd be with another!! What do you guys think??

Thanks again,

Alex.

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

sarah
23-04-04, 16:47
Hiya Alex

Just a thought here.

If you truly are worried about the train journey (and a little stressed about the presentation?) maybe it would be good for you to take your car seeing as you are ok with that. After all you must have things to carry with you for the presentation so the sensible thing from my point of view is to take the car so you have it parked outside the venue..no unneccesary carrying things on and off the trains?

Then, maybe you can practice train journeys when you havent got anything to do at the end of the journey? One weekend just get a one day travel pass and get on and off trains/busses etc to get used to it again but have the freedom to do it as and when you please?

I would do it that way whether I had panic or not :)

love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

Meg
24-04-04, 09:39
Car . I echo Sarah.

apm
24-04-04, 12:49
That sounds like great advice! Thanks guys- really appreciate your support. I was leaning towards that, but I was concerned that I was avoiding. Sarah, you're bang on though- the presentation is a bit stressful, and so is the train. Individually, they'd be okay, but together maybe a bit much. I've improved so much, but I realise I still have a long way to go yet!

I think I will drive down in the morning, save my hosts paying for the hotel, and me staying on my own in an unfamiliar place (again not fond of that).

Alex.
xx

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

sarah
24-04-04, 13:50
Hiya Alex

Im of the opinion that you would be avoiding if you didnt go at all. As it is, you are still going but taking the sensible option. After all, who want to sit in a stuffy train when you could be blasting down the motorway with your windows open playing your fave music?

love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

apm
24-04-04, 14:26
Too true Sarah! Although I might leave the windows closed and put the a/c on. Stick on some Queens of the Stone Age and let the turbo have some fun!! I do enjoy driving, so why not enjoy at least part of the trip?
Realistically, there will be times when I'm in a queue going nowhere fast, but at least I'll still have my music and a/c (rather than being stuffed into an uncomfortable seat in a hot carriage with lots of people I don't know...

Sorted.

Thanks again, I feel good for having made the decision. Only the pres to worry about now (which suddenly doesn't seem so bad)!

Alex.
xxx

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

nomorepanic
24-04-04, 18:20
Alex

I am bit like you in that if I don't feel that I am pushing myself to the limit on doing stuff then I am not facing it head on or tackling the issues, but I agree that the car is the better option.

The presentation is enough to cope with so don't add to the hassle and stress by doing the train, taxi thing as well.

Let us know how it goes ok?

Nicola

apm
25-04-04, 11:13
Thanks Nicola- makes alot of sense. I think there is a tendancy for us to assume that anything that it's scaring us half to death is not progression. It takes a step back to realise that recovery is a slow road, and trying to do to much could be counterproductive!

Will report once I'm back on friday.

Thanks again,

Alex.
xx

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

diana
26-04-04, 16:15
Alex,

Well done on your decision making on taking your car. I also agreed with the posts above about you taking the car.

Why add the extra stress ey?

I too feel like Sarah, I tend to think your not going at all would have been "AVOIDANCE" not trying to find the practical way to travel.

So well done again. :)

I hope all went well, and you enjoyed the drive there.

You are doing very good, keep up the great work.

Take care,

Diana xxxx

apm
29-04-04, 11:31
Well, the presentation in Wales is tomorrow, and I'm feeling a bit jumpy today, and truth be known a bit low. Figure it's just a blip, but it's particularly annoying as I should be very happy (things are going very well with my girlfriend at the moment- I do get moments of joy, especially when I speak to/ see her).
Have my presentation printed and all directions in a file, so I'm ready, oh yes. Also feel that it's more like a meeting/discussion with me doing most of the talking- perception that should help, as long as I can keep my mind in that frame.
But more generally, I don't feel awfully like I've made alot of progress in the last couple of weeks (compared with the first month). Is this normal, like a flattening curve? It may just be the anxiety free periods lulling me into a false sense of recovery, I suppose. Just that I have felt so much better than I did at first, and I want to keep getting better!! As ever, your opinions valued enormously!

Best,

Alex.
x

PS nice to chat to some of you in the chatroom last night.

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

Meg
29-04-04, 12:17
Dear Alex,

Plateaus are quite normal and good so you can consolidate before the next upward heave.
I think you're doing fine..
Going to your presentation last week was something that you did really well with.
That you have increasing anxiety free periods is great too.

As we get better we change our expectations of how we expect to be too. We get impatient for full recovery.

Now that your body is much better and stronger and less stressed by toxins and exhaustion the residual anxiety is mainly being caused by how you think and dwell on things ...

I drew my progress and will send you it.

Will have fingers crossed for you tomorrow. Hope it goes well.



Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

diana
29-04-04, 13:43
Alex,

Good to hear things are going great with your girlfriend.

What you are feeling is quite normal like Meg mentioned. We all go through this, but do not confuse this "plateau" with the feeling of not making progress. This is just a time for you to put everything in order so as to not overwhelm yourself with everything at one time.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are doing great.

You will continue to move upward and onward.

I wish you all the luck for tomorrow. Though I am sure you will do just fine. :)

Post to let us know how things get on for you.

Take care,

Diana xxxx

apm
29-04-04, 15:44
Hi Guys,

Thanks for the reassurance- I'm feeling alot better now! Still a bit jittery, but much less than earlier. Good to hear about plateaus- suppose it makes sense really, forward a bit, back a bit, plateau a bit etc. As you point out Meg- I think I'm impatient for recovery, and the anxiety-free periods are just showing me what that's like! And thanks for the progress chart- really helpful. I'm guessing it's plotted over a period of months/ even years... Still, the upward trend is an upward trend!
Not feeling too bad about tomorrow at the moment- will certainly post as soon as I get back tomorrow night...

Thanks again, guys!

Alex.
xx



Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

apm
30-04-04, 18:22
To all that have ben following this...

Well, I'm back from Wales, and all went incredibly well. Journey was fine (although about a month's rain fell on the M4 in the time I was on it!), and I even got there early (I'd deliberately aimed to get there on time, to avoid having time to wait around- prime panic territory!)!. But I set up the presentation, and gave it, then facilitated the discussion, and all without a twitch! And they laid on a really nice curry for lunch too. The trip back wasn't so good- terrible weather and I did feel quite jittery (odd, as it was done, but there you go), and poor traffic on the M25. Luckily, I missed the worst of it! Reckon might just be tired- up at 0600, spent 7 1/2 hours on the road today! Better than a train, though. Also ate the curry quickly to get on the road- doesn't help.
All in all, I'm chuffed! I can enjoy the long weekend now! Duran Duran tomorrow night at Wembley Arena!

Thanks for all your help, everyone.

Alex.
x

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

Meg
30-04-04, 18:45
Brilliant - well done.

Think that's another distinct heave up from your last plateau ...

Have a great weekend.



Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

diana
30-04-04, 19:52
Good on you Alex!!!!!

Job well done.

Have fun at the concert over the weekend, and enjoy your time off.

You have certainly earned a relaxing weekend.

Take care and keep us posted on any new journeys coming up for ya.

Best Wishes,

Diana xxxx

sarah
30-04-04, 22:17
Hiya Alex

Im really glad you did good today..its great news!!!
I think its common to feel anxious after the event... I certainly do. Maybe because its over and you relax and thats whaen it hits you. Anyway you did good matey!!!

Enjoy the concert...im really jealous..I was convinced I was going to marry Simon Le Bon when I was about 13..lol

love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

sarah
03-05-04, 13:09
Hiya Alex

How was the concert?
Did you throw some undies at Simon as promised?...LOL

love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

nomorepanic
03-05-04, 13:13
Alex

Forgot to ask you in chat how the concert was? Did it go ok?

Glad to hear your trip away was a sucess too - apart from the weather and the M25!

Nicola

diana
03-05-04, 22:54
Hey Alex,

Was the concert all you hoped it would be????

I do hope you had a grand time.

Post to let us know how you are getting on now.

Take care,

Diana xxxx

apm
04-05-04, 12:34
Hi guys,

The concert was fantastic! Great to hear all the old faves, and have a good sing (when the volume is so loud no-one can tell how bad you sound!). Sarah- I brought some underwear, but we were just too far away for a good launch trajectory (would have landed on someone's head)!
Weekend generally was fab- spent most of it with my girlfriend (about 3 months in- it's going so well I can't quite believe it!), and I am extremely happy at the moment, despite the miserable weather. Slightly jittery this morning, but nothing much to moan about- just going back to work I guess. Weekend almost completely jitter-free, even being at the concert was ok (with a quick rescue remedy).

Onward and upward, and I can't underestimate how much you have all helped- thanks so much!!

Alex.
xx




Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

sarah
04-05-04, 12:49
Hiya Alex

Im glad things are going well for you with you girlfriend..thats great news, I think you deserve it!!!

Also glad you had a wicked time at the concert. Ive dug out my old albums in tribute because I couldnt go...LOL

love Sarah
xx

(shame about the undies...lol)

Meg
04-05-04, 14:00
Alex - that's really good to know how well you're doing. Well done .

I think lots of non anx people get end of bank holiday weekend jitters. No worries about that at all.

I'm glad to hear that you think that this site has helped and supported you. I am becoming a firm believer that the sooner someone finds a source of constant sensible advice and support the quicker they improve.

The problem with GPs and CBT etc is that you only get that consistant support and help so intermittantly, when initially you need it pretty constantly to ward off additional fears getting seeded.

Thoughts ?





Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

Jules31
04-05-04, 15:42
Meg

I completely agree with you. If I'd had constant support and found CBT and all the other tools at the start, I'm sure I wouldn't have got so entrenched with everything.

Jules

diana
04-05-04, 16:42
Great News Alex!!!!!!

I am so happy for you.

You are doing so well, and I am glad that the relationship with your girlfriend is so positive in your life now.

I have`nt heard any Duran Duran songs in ages. LOL........... :)

I`ll bet it was awesome to be there in the midst of the crowd. Bringing all those old, but great feelings back ey?

The radio here very rarely plays Duran Duran. They were so hot back in the day were`nt they?

Yea, I remember those years quite pleasantly I might add. :)

Would like to go back at times. :)

I am glad that the site has been such a help to ya too. That is what we all hope this site does for each and everyone who enters.

Take care Alex.

Keep us updated periodically on how things are going for ya. Or if there will be wedding bells anytime in the future. :)

Best Wishes Mate,

Diana xxxx

P.S. I agree with Sarah, to bad about the undies!!!!!!!! LOL........ :-D

apm
06-05-04, 20:33
Thanks everyone- you're all such stars! Still feeling pretty good, although going to London tomorrow on the train, always a bit jittery! And I've booked myself in to give blood on monday, should be a good bit of exposure. I haven't donated for a while, and it feels like a good next stage of exposure. I shall be quite nervous, but hopefully will get through ok!

Don't think any wedding bells on the cards at the mo, but I'm really enjoying things at the moment- she's a wonderful girl!

Take care all,

Alex.
xx

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

Meg
06-05-04, 21:38
So Alex -

Lets move you on a step.

Take a moment or two to identify exactly what it is about the train that gets you jittery and why. Then if it is something irrational and is the result of a preconception / scaremongering then debate it out within your head and may the most rational and logical side win.

If you cannot identify it - talk yourself into refusing to give it any further thought until it can identify. Like you would a child who is just whining .

With the blood giving - ensure you're well fed and hydrated and not hung over pre going to minimise any wierd feelings.

Have a good trip tomorrow.



take some thing academic (but not too heavy) to read - journal- to read and bury yourself in it if you do get a bit jittery.

Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

apm
07-05-04, 14:03
Hi Meg- as usual sound an helpful advice! Not sure why the train makes me jittery, but I think it's a throwback from the old 'being somewhere and can't get away' syndrome. It is getting better though (I work one day per week in central London, so have to train it)- less jittery each time. First time I tried (week after my panic attack), I couldn't get on the thing- anxiety began before the doors had opened! Now it's less of an issue- most of the journey's fine, with a small jittery bit, lasts a minute or two. Better than last week!

I'm giving blood at 1900, so have time to get home and have a bite and a drink b4 embarking. Will take something taxing to read, maybe a journal and a crossword! Was thinking could be good to listen to relaxation cd?

Will let you know how it goes!

Thanks again,

Alex.
xxx

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

Meg
07-05-04, 14:37
Well done yet again Alex.

Certainly take it all and decide depending on how you feel and the situation. You may decide that chatting is more active form of distraction or you may want to tune out with a CD...This works best if it's one you are already familiar with .









Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

diana
10-05-04, 15:54
Alex,

So pleased to hear about your happiness with your girlfriend. :)

Post to let us know how your trip was.

I wish you all the best. :-D

Take care,

Diana xxxx

apm
10-05-04, 22:23
Hey guys, thanks for the tips and wishes- really nice! Well, took the train on friday (and back), no jitters. Gave blood this evening, very small jitter, nothing to worry about. So far, so good. Little jittery this morning, but feel good this evening, despite V stressful day at work!!


Hope y'all are doing well,

Alex.
xx

PS, the blood thing was over so quick, didn't get the chance to read or listen to anything!

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

diana
11-05-04, 13:48
Alex,

Great News!!!!!!!

Good on you for doing so well on the train trip and the blood donation. :)

Keep up the great work.

Take care,

Diana xxxx