wendy
26-04-06, 19:47
Hi Everyone
This may seem a strange post, I have choosen to post it under sucsess as it has taken me years and years to share this with anyone and I need to do it now to move on to my future, my ability to do so is purely down to the friends I have made and support I have received from this site, I have lived my life ashamed and weak of who I am and never let anyone know the "real" Wendy not family or friends as they have already judged me from the little they already know, I joined this site not really knowing who I would meet or what to expect but you people have made me your friend, never judged me and are slowly giving me the will to start living my life, you are the only people I have felt safe enough to share my darkest secrets, I am still scared, but I trust you all so here goes.... the causes for my Panic Attacks, Death Anxiety, Health Anxiety are below (In order of happening)
1) 3 Years old was made to see my Grandma Dead in Coffin
2) Deaths of remaining 3 grandparents over short time
3) Mothers Depression - was told Daily she wish I was either not born or a boy
4) Found my Father Dead from his Suicide. Exhaust filled car (Age 15)
5) Had to identify my Father with police to suport my mum
6) Made to return to school 2 Days following Death
7) Upon returning to school I had to sit through a Samaritans talk about Suicide and how it used to bring shame to the family
8) Deserted by my friends - I was no fun anymore
9) Attempted Rape by 2 "Friends"
10) :D My son Born - Best Day of my life (Age 21)
11) My mum trys to take control of my son "the son she always wanted", I go along to try and be the better daughter she always wanted
12) I meet boyfriend, So nice until..... the spitting at me, the slapping, the kicking of my car, the name calling the feeling of worthlessness
13) I turn to drink and drugs to block out the pain
14) Financial ruin, I loose everything
15) Sit with my aunite who is dying of cancer until she takes her last breath
15) I give up on life
Sorry to rant but feel like someone had just taken an iron bar from around neck....... this is now my past, I have released myself and am now moving on to my future.
Please dont see this as me been upset, It has taken me 32 years to do this and it is thanks you all
Thank you
Wendy xxx
This may seem a strange post, I have choosen to post it under sucsess as it has taken me years and years to share this with anyone and I need to do it now to move on to my future, my ability to do so is purely down to the friends I have made and support I have received from this site, I have lived my life ashamed and weak of who I am and never let anyone know the "real" Wendy not family or friends as they have already judged me from the little they already know, I joined this site not really knowing who I would meet or what to expect but you people have made me your friend, never judged me and are slowly giving me the will to start living my life, you are the only people I have felt safe enough to share my darkest secrets, I am still scared, but I trust you all so here goes.... the causes for my Panic Attacks, Death Anxiety, Health Anxiety are below (In order of happening)
1) 3 Years old was made to see my Grandma Dead in Coffin
2) Deaths of remaining 3 grandparents over short time
3) Mothers Depression - was told Daily she wish I was either not born or a boy
4) Found my Father Dead from his Suicide. Exhaust filled car (Age 15)
5) Had to identify my Father with police to suport my mum
6) Made to return to school 2 Days following Death
7) Upon returning to school I had to sit through a Samaritans talk about Suicide and how it used to bring shame to the family
8) Deserted by my friends - I was no fun anymore
9) Attempted Rape by 2 "Friends"
10) :D My son Born - Best Day of my life (Age 21)
11) My mum trys to take control of my son "the son she always wanted", I go along to try and be the better daughter she always wanted
12) I meet boyfriend, So nice until..... the spitting at me, the slapping, the kicking of my car, the name calling the feeling of worthlessness
13) I turn to drink and drugs to block out the pain
14) Financial ruin, I loose everything
15) Sit with my aunite who is dying of cancer until she takes her last breath
15) I give up on life
Sorry to rant but feel like someone had just taken an iron bar from around neck....... this is now my past, I have released myself and am now moving on to my future.
Please dont see this as me been upset, It has taken me 32 years to do this and it is thanks you all
Thank you
Wendy xxx