overthinker
01-07-11, 02:11
a year ago i suffered anorexia it effectively eliminated my thoughts as i was focused on cals etc now im recovered im dealing with ocd (not diagnosed professionally) but i use to have an obssession that i was pregnant even though i was a virgin, or that i was going blind and other stuff but its just gotten worse and worse and i seriously cant take it
i was sexually and physically abused but its the last 6months where i have thought im a peado now a serial killer can someone automatically become this in 6 months or is it genetics etc because one minute i believed in peace, love and happiness the next a dark cloud descended i want it gone i look to the future and im not excited i dont know if i want one :'(
ok so a week ago i had pocd and it has eased now but today i had an amazing evening had a couple of thoughts but just ignored them i then went home with my boyfriend (http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/distressedsuicidalwas-this-an-actual-urge-or-ocd#) and was at his dads we were watching a comedy i was happy and then all of a sudden the urge and thought to pick up a knife (http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/distressedsuicidalwas-this-an-actual-urge-or-ocd#) and stab them entered my mind it was like the ocd was trying to move my legs and walk i resisted and had an anxiety moment my face was red heart pounded no one saw as we were in a dark room i even got images of me smearing blood everywhere and then slicing my wrists :'( i got home burst into tears and looked in the mirror for half and hour saying over and over 'im not a killer' omg i cant believe it i really cant was this a natural urge to kill or just ocd ??
im going to my gp tomorow :'( i hope they can confirm ocd i want it gone i dont want to hurt anybody now but when its happens its so strong
i was sexually and physically abused but its the last 6months where i have thought im a peado now a serial killer can someone automatically become this in 6 months or is it genetics etc because one minute i believed in peace, love and happiness the next a dark cloud descended i want it gone i look to the future and im not excited i dont know if i want one :'(
ok so a week ago i had pocd and it has eased now but today i had an amazing evening had a couple of thoughts but just ignored them i then went home with my boyfriend (http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/distressedsuicidalwas-this-an-actual-urge-or-ocd#) and was at his dads we were watching a comedy i was happy and then all of a sudden the urge and thought to pick up a knife (http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forums/topic/distressedsuicidalwas-this-an-actual-urge-or-ocd#) and stab them entered my mind it was like the ocd was trying to move my legs and walk i resisted and had an anxiety moment my face was red heart pounded no one saw as we were in a dark room i even got images of me smearing blood everywhere and then slicing my wrists :'( i got home burst into tears and looked in the mirror for half and hour saying over and over 'im not a killer' omg i cant believe it i really cant was this a natural urge to kill or just ocd ??
im going to my gp tomorow :'( i hope they can confirm ocd i want it gone i dont want to hurt anybody now but when its happens its so strong