View Full Version : In desperate need of advice
I suffer from severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks and some agoraphobia.
I desperately need advice about my 5 year old daughter!!
I had a phone call last monday from my daughters school telling me that my daughter and a little boy in her class had gone missing but been found. During the phone call the head said they had been caught kissing in a class room! Then went on to talk about how normal this was and how children experiment and take their clothes off. So I then asked why was she talking about taking clothes off? This is when she eventually told me that my daughter had taken her tights off and had been found with them in her hand. Explained they would be supervising better etc.
Well com thursday, my daughter tells me that the little boy had been touching the top of her leg and she hadnt liked it so I sent her off to school as normal trying to not let her see my anxiety. As soon as she left I called the school and told them I was coming down well I was sat at that school for 2 and a half hours trying to find out what had happened. Eventually they told me she had been found with no trousers or tights on. I went mad. They promised to change things so kids couldn't disappear.
Thursday evening my daughter came home from school. And obviously I didn't want to lead her into saying something that hadn't happened. So I asked if there had been anything happeneing at school and said I had heard she had disappeared a few days before she knew exactly what I meant and went all shy. I asked what happened and she said the little boy kissed her. I said "did anything else happen?" That was when she did a hand movement near her privates and said he did this mummy and I didn't like it! I sent her to play whilst freaking inside. I called the school straight away.
They have now informed social services who I spoke to today and they have said they are also involving the police. I'm scared of what is happening. Can anybody give me any advice, tell me if I did the right thing? Anything I'm really freaking out!!
Feel sick, panicky and clammy keep having to use my inhaler.
Hi sacha.23
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You're doing the best you can Sacha by trying to get to the bottom of what has happened. Now the social services and police are involved there is no chance of the school sweeping this under the carpet like they may have tried to do had you not been persistent and thorough in finding out what had gone on. I have two daughters and would react exactly the same. All you can do now is let the professionals deal with it and support your daughter through it all.
Tyke
Thank you. My panic attacks etc have been alot worse since I had this news and I am not sure what is the best thing to do next! I am spending most of my time in tears and just feel like the ground is opening up from beneath me and is about to swallow me up! I feel like such a failure!
You're not a failure Sacha, you can never watch your kids 24/7. If anyone has to answer for what happened it is certainly not you. The school seems to me to have some explaining to do and you wonder what on earth is going on in that little boys mind and exactly why at such a young age.
Do you think it might help if you went to see your doctor as he may be able to offer some medication or counselling or something to help you through all this? You could also try and get some advice from somewhere like Childline who must be used to dealing with people in similar situations to yourself.
I hope you and your daughter manage to come through this without any lasting damage and that it all turns out not to be as serious at it could be.
Tyke
Hi Sacha,
I totally agree with Tyke. You have NOTHING to feel a failure for. It is the school that have severely let you and your daughter down big time.
Do not fear social services/police in this instance as they will hopefully investigate the circumstances surrounding this being able to occur in what is supposed to be a place of safety, that being the school. They will not investigate you or your home as you have no culpability in this whatsoever. You entrusted the school to be adequately supervising and caring for your child and they clearly did not do this. How for starters are two 5 year olds able to just go off alone and things to reach that stage without anyone noticing? That is outrageous!
You are absolutely doing the right thing here and the very best for your daughter.
Hang in there.xx:hugs:
You have done what any mother would have done in the best interests of their child as far as i'm concerned, you poor thing, i felt so gutted for you reading that.
What a fab mum you are, do let us know if you can how it all goes and we'll support you everyway we can.
di xx
Anxious_gal
02-07-11, 22:30
Hey I am assuming the little boy is the same age.
He is too young to realize what he was doing.
The best thing to do it talk about this normally with you daughter, try really hard not to shame her.
Sit her down and explain not to go off alone with other boys, to say no, to find her teacher etc....
If she can talk about what happened with you, as easy as talking about the weather, it will help prevent her from feeling bad about it.
I'd also be worried about what kind of adult material the little boy may have been exposed to that even thought to do that :(
Try not to worry about involving the police, try not let your daughter know you are upset but show her how much you care about her.
The social workers is just routine and It's good that they out there trying to protect children.
You have nothing to feel guilty for, It's your instinct to want to protect your daughter.
The children were obviously not well supervised that at age 5 they could go off on their own :(
I hope some thing will be done about that.
Thank you all so much I really appreciate your kind words!! :)
I am hiding my feelings from my children at the moment it's the evenings that it all goes through my head and makes me feel like i'm going mad!! :unsure:
I am already on medication but may head to doctors and get some advice and maybe an increase in my meds!
I will let you know how I get on when I know myself!!!!
Thank you xxxx
Hi honey hope your feeling better. You've done the right thing remember you are not just protecting your child but the little boy involved too. It may well be innocent but thats for the experts to decide. You acted with patience and caring and with great strength. Take care.
I have spoken to social services today and the police have decided that they do not need to become involved! The social worker will be coming round on Thursday morning to see me and my daughter!! Then we will see how it goes after that!! Fingers crossed!! Thank you all xx
Glad things seem to be getting resolved for you Sacha. Given the age of the boy, it's hard to think it was anything too bad. Kids these days though are subjected to so much adult stuff everywhere, on the TV, in music, advertising and newspapers etc it's very hard keeping them away from things sometimes. This boy has maybe seen something he shouldn't have. Even before the 9.00 pm TV watershed there is often material which isn't really suitable for young viewers.
Tyke
I have Social services due at about 10.30 this morning and they want to talk to my daughter by herself. My friend says I shouldn't let this happen, but I really don't know what to do for the best I have come over all shaky this morning, feel sick can hardly breathe. I really do not like social services they really make me freak out!
I will let you know how we get on after this meeting!!
I know what you mean about Social Services, but they probably felt if you are there she could feel under pressure to say something or not say something about what happened. She may have picked up on the seriousness of the issue and have a mixture of emotions surrounding what went on, fear, guilt, embarrassment etc. I'm sure all they wanted to do was satisfy themselves that they got to the truth without upsetting your poor daughter in any way. Hope it all went OK.
They didn't even bother to turn up!! I got myself all worked up this morning and then they don't even ring me to say they aren't coming!! Then when I say I can't do tom as had to keep my daughter off of school today she blames me!! Feel very angry right now!! So it's all been rescheduled for Monday at 1pm!!!!!
Hmmm an apology would have been nice for starters wouldn't it......
I wouldnt worry too much about it, at that age children doing this is pretty common, it isnt really a sexual thing, they are more interested in the differences between boys and girls. Most young kids still think kissing or holding hands with the opposite sex is pretty disgusting.
Hiya,
Well we had the appointment with social services and they were not able to get any information out of my daughter. They are arranging a meeting with the little boy and his parents then will be getting back to me but are hopeful that they will probably just close the case. They are very unimpressed at my daughters school for the situation, as if they had been watching them in the first place nobody would have had all of this worry!!
On a good note though, I managed to change my daughters school means a 2 and a half mile walk in the morning to get her there but makes me feel happier! Thank you all for your advice!!
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