Lizziesaurus
03-07-11, 11:47
Says it all in the title really. I had a blip yesterday, I'd felt it coming all week and it was awful. I feel better today but my boyfriend thinks he's done something wrong or that I don't really like him or something. I know it must be hard to understand something you can't even begin to imagine but I do love him, he makes a difference and I need that. I just don't know where to begin and how to explain it all :weep:
I feel like I'm in abit of a bubble, trapped from the outside world when I feel like this. The effects of my venlafaxine seem to be decreasing, like a drug I feel I need more to get the same 'high' as before. When I say high I mean good feeling about life, I upped to 150mg a few weeks ago, my doc said I could then just drop back to 75mg but that didn't work and then today I've upped again to 225mg, without my doctors say so as well but I feel I'm running out of ideas. I need to go and see him sooner rather than the end of this month. More than anything I need to know what's wrong with me so I can understand it and fight it.
I don't want to feel like this but it's almost like I don't know how to feel anything else. I don't know who I am or meant to be. Is the depression etc the real me or is the happy side, generally brought on by meds the real me, is it somewhere inbetween? I just don't know and that scares me. I wonder what the rest of my life will be like.
I look at other people with sheer jealousy, children laughing, people just generally getting on with life, enjoying this weather and I feel stuck between who I want to be, who I am and what I could be.
Sorry for going on so much I just needed to get this out there to some people who understand.
I feel like I'm in abit of a bubble, trapped from the outside world when I feel like this. The effects of my venlafaxine seem to be decreasing, like a drug I feel I need more to get the same 'high' as before. When I say high I mean good feeling about life, I upped to 150mg a few weeks ago, my doc said I could then just drop back to 75mg but that didn't work and then today I've upped again to 225mg, without my doctors say so as well but I feel I'm running out of ideas. I need to go and see him sooner rather than the end of this month. More than anything I need to know what's wrong with me so I can understand it and fight it.
I don't want to feel like this but it's almost like I don't know how to feel anything else. I don't know who I am or meant to be. Is the depression etc the real me or is the happy side, generally brought on by meds the real me, is it somewhere inbetween? I just don't know and that scares me. I wonder what the rest of my life will be like.
I look at other people with sheer jealousy, children laughing, people just generally getting on with life, enjoying this weather and I feel stuck between who I want to be, who I am and what I could be.
Sorry for going on so much I just needed to get this out there to some people who understand.