Jefferiah
03-07-11, 12:34
Hey guys,
Well, I'm David, 25 year old student, and I am suffering terribly with anxiety / panic disorder.
I have always been under a lot of stress, and my mum was always very stressed about money and things as I was growing up, but obviously thought nothing of it at the time.
I had my first panic attack when I was about 18, whilst smoking some cannabis. This was my worst panic attack, as I think most first ones are, as it was not only my most extreme one in terms of symptoms, but I didn't knmow what was going on.
Anyway, I never experienced any real anxiety after that, although I guess depression was ever present, and in fact getting worse, due to stress, fanancial problems, studies, relationships etc etc. Although, I have always been a little cautious of my health, but never over the top or anything.
Around about 3.5 years ago, I broke humerus arm wrestling, which was a huge shock to me and made me realise I wasn't actually invincible...6 months later, my mother had a heart attack whilst on holiday in Florida. She survived, but at the time I didn't seem too emotionally troubled, given she could have easily died...6 months or so after that was when I started feeling a little more anxious, but nothing too bad really. But, subconciously I think my head was messed up, and I started mindlessly going out partying a lot more than usual, taking drugs and generally treating my life as a joke, living for the moment and thinking 'if I die tomorrow, at least I had a good time last night!'.
This last about a year, and I stopped abruptly when I was told one day that the stuff I was taking (a research chemical at that) was starting to kill people. I took this with a pinch of salt, and the next day proceeded take some as normal, and had a big panic attack...and this is where my anxiety has become unbareable.
From this point, I have become massively obsessed with my heart health, and I have been paranoid every since that I am going to have a heart attack, or die. This is most likely due to the fact my mum has a heart attack, and I was foolish enough to do drugs for a year, and am scared I have done damage to my body.
The severe anxiety started at that point, about February last year. Anything which made my heart beat faster would send me in to a panic attack. I couldn't even go to the gym or anything because if I felt my heart beating, I would descend in to panic. It was as though I had never been aware of my heart before, and now, I am aware of it at ALL times.
Anyway, my anxiety has progressively got worse, mostly, as things started happening to people very close to me. My very best friend randomly dropped down in the middle of a football game in the street, and had a grand mal seizure...from this point on, I would think I was dizzy and was going to have a fit all the time. Luckily, this passed after about 2 or 3 months.
The same friend was rushed to hospital one night with appendicitis. From this point, every time I thought I even had a slight stomach pain, I would assume I had appendicitis too. This still lingers with me, although not as bad as it was.
The main thing which seems to have stuck with me is the heart awareness, and that seems to be the root of all evil for me. I progressively over the past 6 months have become more and more anxious, having a few more random panic attacks, which seemed to be out of nowhere, and although the doctor has not told me this in their own words, I think I have descended in to panic disorder, as I am now constantly frightened of having another panic attack, but unfortunately, over the past couple months, they have become more and more frequent, to the point now where I almost break in to a panic attack every single day now, at least once, but luckily I think I am starting to get a slight grip on them, and as soon as I feel triggers, I start breathing exercises and try to calm myself, so they don't have a chance to blow out of proportion.
I started taking Citalopram 10mg last Monday, and so far, I feel pretty washed out, and have lost my appetite. I take my tablet in the morning, but as soon as night approaches, I am having panic episodes every single night since starting the medication. I am just hoping that sticking it out will be beneficial, as I can't life with my anxiety controlling my life anymore.
I don't like leaving the house much any more, in fact, I have spent this entire week curled up in a ball in bed, deliberately trying to sleep to avoid any ill effects I might feel, and hope to just pass a few weeks by so that the meds might start to have their desired effect.
Sorry for the rediculously long introduction, but just wanted to put you all in the picture of who I am, and why I think I might be here...although if I knew for sure why I was here, I'm sure I wouldn't actually be here and would have a grip on my life :blush:
If you have made it all the way down here, thanks for reading, and hope to talk to you guys about how to beat our common foe!
David
Well, I'm David, 25 year old student, and I am suffering terribly with anxiety / panic disorder.
I have always been under a lot of stress, and my mum was always very stressed about money and things as I was growing up, but obviously thought nothing of it at the time.
I had my first panic attack when I was about 18, whilst smoking some cannabis. This was my worst panic attack, as I think most first ones are, as it was not only my most extreme one in terms of symptoms, but I didn't knmow what was going on.
Anyway, I never experienced any real anxiety after that, although I guess depression was ever present, and in fact getting worse, due to stress, fanancial problems, studies, relationships etc etc. Although, I have always been a little cautious of my health, but never over the top or anything.
Around about 3.5 years ago, I broke humerus arm wrestling, which was a huge shock to me and made me realise I wasn't actually invincible...6 months later, my mother had a heart attack whilst on holiday in Florida. She survived, but at the time I didn't seem too emotionally troubled, given she could have easily died...6 months or so after that was when I started feeling a little more anxious, but nothing too bad really. But, subconciously I think my head was messed up, and I started mindlessly going out partying a lot more than usual, taking drugs and generally treating my life as a joke, living for the moment and thinking 'if I die tomorrow, at least I had a good time last night!'.
This last about a year, and I stopped abruptly when I was told one day that the stuff I was taking (a research chemical at that) was starting to kill people. I took this with a pinch of salt, and the next day proceeded take some as normal, and had a big panic attack...and this is where my anxiety has become unbareable.
From this point, I have become massively obsessed with my heart health, and I have been paranoid every since that I am going to have a heart attack, or die. This is most likely due to the fact my mum has a heart attack, and I was foolish enough to do drugs for a year, and am scared I have done damage to my body.
The severe anxiety started at that point, about February last year. Anything which made my heart beat faster would send me in to a panic attack. I couldn't even go to the gym or anything because if I felt my heart beating, I would descend in to panic. It was as though I had never been aware of my heart before, and now, I am aware of it at ALL times.
Anyway, my anxiety has progressively got worse, mostly, as things started happening to people very close to me. My very best friend randomly dropped down in the middle of a football game in the street, and had a grand mal seizure...from this point on, I would think I was dizzy and was going to have a fit all the time. Luckily, this passed after about 2 or 3 months.
The same friend was rushed to hospital one night with appendicitis. From this point, every time I thought I even had a slight stomach pain, I would assume I had appendicitis too. This still lingers with me, although not as bad as it was.
The main thing which seems to have stuck with me is the heart awareness, and that seems to be the root of all evil for me. I progressively over the past 6 months have become more and more anxious, having a few more random panic attacks, which seemed to be out of nowhere, and although the doctor has not told me this in their own words, I think I have descended in to panic disorder, as I am now constantly frightened of having another panic attack, but unfortunately, over the past couple months, they have become more and more frequent, to the point now where I almost break in to a panic attack every single day now, at least once, but luckily I think I am starting to get a slight grip on them, and as soon as I feel triggers, I start breathing exercises and try to calm myself, so they don't have a chance to blow out of proportion.
I started taking Citalopram 10mg last Monday, and so far, I feel pretty washed out, and have lost my appetite. I take my tablet in the morning, but as soon as night approaches, I am having panic episodes every single night since starting the medication. I am just hoping that sticking it out will be beneficial, as I can't life with my anxiety controlling my life anymore.
I don't like leaving the house much any more, in fact, I have spent this entire week curled up in a ball in bed, deliberately trying to sleep to avoid any ill effects I might feel, and hope to just pass a few weeks by so that the meds might start to have their desired effect.
Sorry for the rediculously long introduction, but just wanted to put you all in the picture of who I am, and why I think I might be here...although if I knew for sure why I was here, I'm sure I wouldn't actually be here and would have a grip on my life :blush:
If you have made it all the way down here, thanks for reading, and hope to talk to you guys about how to beat our common foe!
David