Upcoming holiday, feel like im going to break down again

[WillyB]

I go to spain for 10 days in less than a month. The last holiday i went on was italy 2 years ago. This 'holiday' destroyed me, i had a full on mental and nervous breakdown and havent been right since.

I agreed to go this time to keep my grandmother company, but now she has her own friend coming with us. Im stressed and depressed enough as it is, and now i have a month of waiting to see if i break down or not. I cant deal with that again, never again, who knows what will happen to me. I cant bare thinking about the things i felt last time, unbearable heat, ultra anxiety, panic attacks, crying, wishing i could just go home. God it was so awful and now i have to go through it again.

How am i meant to survive this? if i break down again, that means no more University, no more friends, no more anything, just pain.

[Geoff2301]

I'd back out of that "holiday" immediately..... if not sooner!! It just isn't worth the hassle is it?

[WillyB]

too late, its all booked

[debs71]

Hi WillyB,

Don't back out!! All that will do is set you back further as the fear only intensifies the more times you avoid it.

I backed out of a holiday a year ago, as late as the VERY DAY I was due to go. I spent the whole day before I was due to leave very anxious - sweating, crying, deciding to go/not go,just in complete fear. I could not sleep a wink and then finally I decided I just couldn't go through with it in the early hours of the departure day.

I was so angry with myself and the fact my anxiety had done that. I lost money on the flight, even though thankfully I only had to pay to change the flight date and not cancel altogether but I lost all my accommodation money.

Please, please try not to look any further than tomorrow right now. Don't dwell on 'what if this/that happens? what if I am feeling really anxious again and all the same things happen?' Those thoughts serve no purpose except to bring on all the feelings and symptoms you fear.

Anticipation is the culprit for us, as all those 'what ifs' just make us unwell. Instead of telling yourself that you will feel bad again like before, repeat to yourself mentally 'this time will be different. I CAN do this. This is my anxiety talking and I WILL have a good holiday.' It is hard to do, but it does work I assure you.

Positivity not negativity is a lot of the battle with anxiety.

The last time I travelled in March I had anxiety again but this time I literally made myself go and just kept telling myself that everything was going to be fine. It's hard but it can be done. Anxiety cannot and must not control us. We are the boss and at the end of the day, all anxiety is is smoke and mirrors.

You can do this hun. Don't let it beat you.xxx:hugs:

[ElizabethJane]

Hi WillyB,

Don't back out!! All that will do is set you back further as the fear only intensifies the more times you avoid it.

I backed out of a holiday a year ago, as late as the VERY DAY I was due to go. I spent the whole day before I was due to leave very anxious - sweating, crying, deciding to go/not go,just in complete fear. I could not sleep a wink and then finally I decided I just couldn't go through with it in the early hours of the departure day.

I was so angry with myself and the fact my anxiety had done that. I lost money on the flight, even though thankfully I only had to pay to change the flight date and not cancel altogether but I lost all my accommodation money.

Please, please try not to look any further than tomorrow right now. Don't dwell on 'what if this/that happens? what if I am feeling really anxious again and all the same things happen?' Those thoughts serve no purpose except to bring on all the feelings and symptoms you fear.

Anticipation is the culprit for us, as all those 'what ifs' just make us unwell. Instead of telling yourself that you will feel bad again like before, repeat to yourself mentally 'this time will be different. I CAN do this. This is my anxiety talking and I WILL have a good holiday.' It is hard to do, but it does work I assure you.

Positivity not negativity is a lot of the battle with anxiety.

The last time I travelled in March I had anxiety again but this time I literally made myself go and just kept telling myself that everything was going to be fine. It's hard but it can be done. Anxiety cannot and must not control us. We are the boss and at the end of the day, all anxiety is is smoke and mirrors.

You can do this hun. Don't let it beat you.xxx:hugs:
This is such a good post Debs well done. I have backed out of many situations and confronted others. Just try to go for it. EJ.

[WillyB]

Hi WillyB,

Don't back out!! All that will do is set you back further as the fear only intensifies the more times you avoid it.

I backed out of a holiday a year ago, as late as the VERY DAY I was due to go. I spent the whole day before I was due to leave very anxious - sweating, crying, deciding to go/not go,just in complete fear. I could not sleep a wink and then finally I decided I just couldn't go through with it in the early hours of the departure day.

I was so angry with myself and the fact my anxiety had done that. I lost money on the flight, even though thankfully I only had to pay to change the flight date and not cancel altogether but I lost all my accommodation money.

Please, please try not to look any further than tomorrow right now. Don't dwell on 'what if this/that happens? what if I am feeling really anxious again and all the same things happen?' Those thoughts serve no purpose except to bring on all the feelings and symptoms you fear.

Anticipation is the culprit for us, as all those 'what ifs' just make us unwell. Instead of telling yourself that you will feel bad again like before, repeat to yourself mentally 'this time will be different. I CAN do this. This is my anxiety talking and I WILL have a good holiday.' It is hard to do, but it does work I assure you.

Positivity not negativity is a lot of the battle with anxiety.

The last time I travelled in March I had anxiety again but this time I literally made myself go and just kept telling myself that everything was going to be fine. It's hard but it can be done. Anxiety cannot and must not control us. We are the boss and at the end of the day, all anxiety is is smoke and mirrors.

You can do this hun. Don't let it beat you.xxx:hugs:


That was a brilliant reply, i will try my best to do this. Its just so similar to 2 years ago though, this exact time last year i had a certain worry that kicked off the destruction, now i have a worry right now as well as this holiday, its as if history is repeating itself, its so weird.

[debs71]

Hi again Willy!

Dont think about the past, just this holiday, and don't compare the two either. Try to see this holiday as being the one that breaks the pattern.

It is really hard when we already have a sort of precedent set by a previous bad experience/stressful event as we automatically think about that when something similar occurs. It's awful I know.

I am thinking from what you say that it is not so much the holiday itself that is the issue, but more the worry itself that is the problem. Kind of like an association thing (worry/holiday)

Try if you can - instead of associating the holiday as being an anxiety - as seeing it as something positive/ a break from your particular worry/stress, so turning a negative into a positive. (if that makes sense)

I also think it is so hard to get out of that association thing. Last year I had panic attacks in particular places in public (a particular shop in town and my hairdressers) and it was a real problem for me to go back into those places afterwards as I automatically expected it to happen again. It lingered for ages and was hard to break. I managed to do it eventually basically just by facing it head on and a lot of mentally relaxing myself and positive thoughts. It was hard though.

Try not to think that history is repeating itself. Tell yourself over and over it hasn't happened as yet and it is NOT going to.

Best wishes and thoughts.xxxx:bighug1:

[Anxious_gal]

If you imagine the worst in a sense your bringing it on yourself, I mean this in a nice helpful way, try and imagine it going well rather than bad.
Positive visualization is a powerful thing, even sports people use it before a game etc...
Imagine feeling good, relaxed and in control.
I understand your fear, I have minor surgery coming up soon I am more afraid of it bring back the dreadful anxiety that took me months to recover from.
I have been trying to mentally prepare my self by imagining myself coping very well and even with the complications.
Only time will tell if this will work :)

If your afraid of the heat or over heating and feeling ill.
Here's some tips,
Keep a few water bottles in the freezer, so when you travel you'll have sometime to keep you cool and it's stays frozen for hours :)
You can buy a spray can and wet wipes in Boots, they used to be marketed towards women who were going through the menopause, the hots flashes.. to help them cool down, now recently I noticed they renamed it to gear towards summer heat and keeping cool.
The cold wet wipes are great, they feel lovely and cool on you skin.
Bright colors like white will help keep you cooler than dark colors like black.
Taking off your socks can really help cool you down.
Bring a little fan with you too.

Take some other things too, like a little bottle of lavender oil, or a hand held game or your ipod to help distract you when anxious.

Maybe you could ask your doctor for a few tablets to help calm you down, you can't drink on them though.

I think your very brave for not backing out even though your scared :)

[WillyB]

Thank you so much, your help is most appreciated. I will try to imagine that this holiday is going to go fine, and ill have fun. I think that as you say and what others have, the future is just a projection of the past. If i get through this 10 days ill be very happy, but again its the 'what ifs' doing me over right now.

When i went to italy 2 years ago, water bottles probably saved me, odd thing yes, but i kept several bottles of water in the fridge and just rotated them, every time i had a bad thought id gulp down my water. In a day i probably drank 2 or 3 times the 8 pints recommended.

Thanks again, ill try to not think about it too much.

EDIT : Ive just booked a booster session with my CBT therapist, in the hope he can give me that extra push. Im not sure if i have done the right thing or not, could this set me back more?

[debs71]

Ive just booked a booster session with my CBT therapist, in the hope he can give me that extra push. Im not sure if i have done the right thing or not, could this set me back more?

Well, I've not had CBT Willy, but I would guess that it can only be beneficial, especially if it is just before you go, as the coping methods will be fresh in your mind and give you that spur to get on with your holiday.

Stay positive!xxx:hugs::yesyes:

[Anxious_gal]

your cbt therapist will give you some good advice on how to cope better while on holiday.

[WillyB]

I just don't know what to do, I leave tomorrow and I'm already a wreck. I just cant deal with it, one of my older brothers doesnt think i should go, my mum says i dont have to but i know she's mad. My Dad says go. Its just a complete nightmare. This is tearing me and actually my family apart. My Mums on the verge of a break down, my Dad is just depressed, my brothers think im a complete wimp.

I feel exactly the way as i did the day before i went to italy 2 years ago. If i do go ill be a wreck and ruin the holiday again for others, if i dont go my parents lose all that money and ill still feel horrible. I saw my mates last night for possibly the last time for a long time. This is just awful i want it to end.