kitty
27-04-06, 11:33
Hi all
Well its my first time at Mental Health Team today at 1.30pm and well im completly crappin in to be honest, ive smoked nearly a pack of 10 fags already and ive been up since 10.00am LOL, i just dont know what to expect with it and ive been thinking all night if i should go or not and whilst i know i should go to get my help and to get started with the care but on the other hand i just dont wanna go at all They might lock me up and throw away the key even though i hope to god they dont i really to hope that they dont ...the thing that gets me is how the hell am i supose to open up to some one i dont even know never met.. yeah i know i do it on here but thats not face to face and i hate face to face things when it comes to telling people about the fact that i wanna die and hurt myself...this is gonna be extremly hard and im not sure if im ready for it at all. Ontop of all this i have to walk through town to get there and im not likeing going out of my place infact i hate it so much..as soon as i get outside my chest goes tight, i caant breath, i feel on edge, that people are staring at me and following me...all i wanna do is to lock my door and stay in my bed all day with my door and windows shut and locked and just to sit there in the dark!
Even though im at Mantal Health today i still need to make a dr's app for as soon as with the faact that when im eating i feel sick so oi force myself to eat and then i end up in the bathroom because i feel sick but not all the time it comes out on its own so i aid it out by using my fingers, i just feel really fat and ugly have felt like this for a while really well a couple of years... how come when poelpe look at me they see a skinny girl and when i look in the mirror or a photo of myself i look fat and disgusting i just dont get it at all! just why the hell cant i be normal?
Im so sorry with how long this is i really needed to geet this off my chest
Thank you for reading this
Hopefully someone might beable to put my mind at ease as i feel like im going insane very quickly and i dont like it at all
will let you know how it goes when i come back well if i come back!
Hugs to all
Kym
xux
Well its my first time at Mental Health Team today at 1.30pm and well im completly crappin in to be honest, ive smoked nearly a pack of 10 fags already and ive been up since 10.00am LOL, i just dont know what to expect with it and ive been thinking all night if i should go or not and whilst i know i should go to get my help and to get started with the care but on the other hand i just dont wanna go at all They might lock me up and throw away the key even though i hope to god they dont i really to hope that they dont ...the thing that gets me is how the hell am i supose to open up to some one i dont even know never met.. yeah i know i do it on here but thats not face to face and i hate face to face things when it comes to telling people about the fact that i wanna die and hurt myself...this is gonna be extremly hard and im not sure if im ready for it at all. Ontop of all this i have to walk through town to get there and im not likeing going out of my place infact i hate it so much..as soon as i get outside my chest goes tight, i caant breath, i feel on edge, that people are staring at me and following me...all i wanna do is to lock my door and stay in my bed all day with my door and windows shut and locked and just to sit there in the dark!
Even though im at Mantal Health today i still need to make a dr's app for as soon as with the faact that when im eating i feel sick so oi force myself to eat and then i end up in the bathroom because i feel sick but not all the time it comes out on its own so i aid it out by using my fingers, i just feel really fat and ugly have felt like this for a while really well a couple of years... how come when poelpe look at me they see a skinny girl and when i look in the mirror or a photo of myself i look fat and disgusting i just dont get it at all! just why the hell cant i be normal?
Im so sorry with how long this is i really needed to geet this off my chest
Thank you for reading this
Hopefully someone might beable to put my mind at ease as i feel like im going insane very quickly and i dont like it at all
will let you know how it goes when i come back well if i come back!
Hugs to all
Kym
xux