just need to unload

[saffy f]

Hi
I've been a member on here a few days and been on line alot as I am having a bit of a bad time at the moment.
I just wanted to write this post as a bit of a release really.
I went to the Dr last Monday after having my worst panic attack ever,it really scared me.
Basically I have had panic attacks and HA for about 10 years on and off,I just never admitted it to anyone.
I was in a very abusive relationship with the father of my twin boys,I left him when the boys were 3,they are 14 now,as I wanted to give them a good life and protect them plus I needed to save my sanity.
All was fine for a few months and then I started really worrying beyond control that I was going to die and leave my boys.It continued for years but I didn't say anything as I was a bit ashamed tbh.
Anyway to cut a very long story short I have been to the dr gone on meds and had an councelling appointment booked. It has helped reading your posts but I am just feeling worried that I will always feel like this when I have got so much to live for.I want to stop feeling that something horrible is going to happen to me.I know i have got to help myself and i will its just very scarey sometimes isn't it.
Thanks for listening(reading)sorry to moan :-(
xx

[Tyke]

Hi Saffy

Life is tough at times and is even tougher on your own bringing up kids. It isn't surprising that you worry what would happen to them if you weren't around. You have had an awful time with your ex, but you have been brave enough to move on and put that behind you. You have been to the doc and are taking steps to help yourself. There is a charity called WomensAid who help women that have experienced domestic abuse - maybe it would be worth getting in touch with them if you haven't already done so?

Wishing you the best for the future.

Tyke :)

[debs71]

Hello Saffy,

I promise you, you will not always feel this way.

The main thing is that you are getting help for your anxiety. Anxiety is like a rollercoaster ride. You may have times when it peaks up again (bad days) and days when you are on a good even level for ages and then have a few blips along the way.

The key thing is tackling the anxiety and panic with the things you are already doing, and then finding particular coping methods that work solely for you, so things like breathing techniques, relaxation, exercise, music...whatever you find calms things down for you and which help you get through the blips.

It is so, so hard not to think that we are going to have anxiety/panic forever and never shake it off when it is at a very high level, but just tell yourself constantly that it is your high anxiety making you THINK you can't ever be right again, and playing tricks on you, but YOU WILL get through it.

You have clearly had a horrible, horrible time and you are very brave to now tackle your anxiety.

You can do it.xxxx:hugs:

[saffy f]

Tyke and Debs

Thank you both so much for taking time to send me a reply.I really appreciate your advise and kind words.
Saffy xx

[Landers]

You aren't moaning Saffy. I think you are really brave to fight back from the way your thoughts and anxiety make you feel - it is funny sometimes we can tackle physical stuff but our minds can be such a challenge! You are doing just what you should, reaching out, talking about it, getting help, and those are really awesome steps that will definitely help. It sucks that we can't just tick a box and be done with it, but you will feel so strong and in control when you are in control of your thoughts and I am confident that day will come :)

Good luck x

[saffy f]

Thank you Landers.
I have had my referral come through the post today which is good.
It's been a great help finding this site and thank you for your reply

Take Care xx

[michellemoo]

Hi Saffy, I just wanted to tell you i understand totally how you feel. I too was in an extremely violent and mentally abusive relationship 20 years ago. My anxiety and panic didnt start until i had been away from my ex for 4 years. I had 2 children with him and i have spent the last 20 years petrified that something would happen to me or them. I had cognitive behaviour therapy this year after trying numerous treatments and i must say i feel 80% better than i did. I have been in very dark horrible places in my mind before, but since having cbt i feel more able to cope. Maybe you could give it a go it may help you too, good luck and mail me if you ever need to chat :) Michelle

[saffy f]

Thank you Michelle that's very kind of you,the same applies here absolutely.
I have had a letter from the councillor to make an appointment for a phone assesment and they will go from there.
I have periods of time when I feel ok for ages and then wham! it comes back.Doesn't need a reason
I am glad that you've found CBT helpful for you and I hope it continues.

S xx

[saffy f]

Hi
I have now been sent home from work as they think I would be better off at home resting.I think i would be better carrying on as normal.I went back to the doc as feel like I'm not getting any better,it seems to be quite constant for the last month,Told them at work last week how I've been feeling for the first time.Went back to dr as getting panics a lot,never felt this bad
They have changed my meds and given me beta blockers which I'm worried about taking.
Just need to pull myself together but cant.Think Im ok one minute and not the next,for no reason.Usually i can pull myself together but cant this time.Very confused :-(