Rudimentary
05-07-11, 09:06
It's been a really really messed up 12 months for me, and it's affected my confidence so much that I was sacked from my job yesterday, because I wasn't performing well, felt unable to talk to customers and the responsibility was just too much for me. I feel like the world is out to get me & I have no self esteem. I used to be so popular and confident. I don't recognize myself anymore.
12 months ago, I was perfectly happy, living in Romania. I had 2 very good friends, a dream job and life was very easy. Then I got appendicitis, which then turned into peritonitis and ended up having surgery in a third world hospital. I was kept in for 3 weeks and put on a liquid diet for another 3 weeks after.My boss's decided to let me go as I couldn't do anything physical for the next 8weeks due to the 6 inch incision along my abdomen. After recovery, I was posted to Egypt, which was wrong from the very start. I changed jobs within the first week, the next place I went my boss kept trying to pressure me into sex and I lived in complete isolation. Then the civil unrest kicked off, causing the economy to crash, so the money I earnt over there because worthless. But while I was being evacuated my passport got stolen, meaning I had to spend the remainder of my money buying a travel document. On getting home, I discovered a lump in my breast. It turned out to be benign but the doctor wanted to remove it anyway. I had 2 infections in the month that followed and have been left with quite an ugly scar. By this point I was stressed and confused over the events of the last year but had run out of money, so I went to Denmark.
The whole time i've been here i've felt lethargic, unmotivated, sad, empty and have developed a sense of self loathing and a fear others won't like me. I can't get out of bed in the morning and the only thing I look forward to is the end of the day. I don't want to know the customers and have become very shy and don't know what to say to start conversations. I blush every time I make eye contact with somebody then they point out my face is red which makes me turn even redder, then my words won't come out, I sweat and then get very angry with the person who made me react like that. Yesterday I got the sack due to my social skills, which are now in free fall. Please help, I feel like my life is falling apart and someone up there just wants me dead.
12 months ago, I was perfectly happy, living in Romania. I had 2 very good friends, a dream job and life was very easy. Then I got appendicitis, which then turned into peritonitis and ended up having surgery in a third world hospital. I was kept in for 3 weeks and put on a liquid diet for another 3 weeks after.My boss's decided to let me go as I couldn't do anything physical for the next 8weeks due to the 6 inch incision along my abdomen. After recovery, I was posted to Egypt, which was wrong from the very start. I changed jobs within the first week, the next place I went my boss kept trying to pressure me into sex and I lived in complete isolation. Then the civil unrest kicked off, causing the economy to crash, so the money I earnt over there because worthless. But while I was being evacuated my passport got stolen, meaning I had to spend the remainder of my money buying a travel document. On getting home, I discovered a lump in my breast. It turned out to be benign but the doctor wanted to remove it anyway. I had 2 infections in the month that followed and have been left with quite an ugly scar. By this point I was stressed and confused over the events of the last year but had run out of money, so I went to Denmark.
The whole time i've been here i've felt lethargic, unmotivated, sad, empty and have developed a sense of self loathing and a fear others won't like me. I can't get out of bed in the morning and the only thing I look forward to is the end of the day. I don't want to know the customers and have become very shy and don't know what to say to start conversations. I blush every time I make eye contact with somebody then they point out my face is red which makes me turn even redder, then my words won't come out, I sweat and then get very angry with the person who made me react like that. Yesterday I got the sack due to my social skills, which are now in free fall. Please help, I feel like my life is falling apart and someone up there just wants me dead.