Hello

[MarieS]

Hello. My name is Marie Shuck. I have been taking medication for depression, acid reflux and hormonal swings for a couple of years. The hormonal medication is not prescribed, I buy magnesium over the counter and it works magnificently for me. I have recently moved to Sweden from the UK to be with my boyfriend.

I have previously suffered panic attacks. They are strangely more common when I am in a relationship. I was single for four years until December 2010 and I think I had only one panic attack in all that time. I am not even sure they are called panic attacks, as I don't think I am going to die, but I am in a state where I know the panic attack WILL happen no matter how much I try to keep a lid on it, and I am afraid of the trigger when I am in public. I get waves of despair, a desire to escape, the build up of a teary outburst which is hard to control and requires looking anywhere but at people's faces. They of course wonder what is going on and you feel more and more of a fool and it just makes everything worse. I feel stupid, I let my partner down and he is unsure how I will react to anything that is new, particularly meeting other people who are good looking and self assured as I feel more self conscious than usual around them.

Controlling a panic attack can take the entire day, even after the 'danger' has passed and I will do anything to avoid talking about how I am feeling because bringing it out in the open causes me to burst into tears - and how do I explain that?

All it takes is one moment in which a social blip occurs - such as someone not laughing at my joke, meeting a new person who frowns at me or doesn't understand my language, someone talking over me... things like this and then I know how the rest of the day is going to be - fighting off a panic attack.

All right I said a lot there.

[nomorepanic]

Hi MarieShuck

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[becksfan86]

Welcome Marie,
Do you think you also suffer panic attacks as your away from UK? Is it just you and your boyfriend or do you have family there too? As if you didnt have no one that could trigger it off as well.
How are you finding sweden?

Take Care
Charmaine

[MarieS]

Hi Charmaine.

I think my panic attacks are kinda about not being what people expect of me, or perhaps me not being what I wish I could be because I can pinpoint only two types of panic attack that I have. One type is not measuring up to those I am introduced to in some way... I feel like I am letting down my boyfriend because I am not a tall pretty slim blonde swede but a dumpy, short, brunette brit... but that is here in Sweden... I also feel this way in the UK if I am with someone, even a good friend instead of a boyfriend... if they suddenly see a friend of theirs I am not aware of and I am introduced, I automatically check them out against myself and either become introverted or confident depending on my analysis. This can sound awful to readers here, because then I make out that if they are ugly or fat or whatever, I can take the high ground and act like I am better than them, but this is the truth. For instance, I was relieved when I found out that my boyfriend's family are all oveweight. Their weight was not a focal point per se, as in, I do not find any of them unattractive, but I did not feel unattractive myself.

The only other panic attacks I suffer from have to do with personal space and they are much easier to control. When I start breathing too fast in a crowded area I escape. Christmas shopping time is the worst, which is why I make sure I start my shopping in October and I bless the internet for saving me from attacks...