Landers
07-07-11, 12:37
Hi everyone,
Still new to this forum and hope you won't mind me letting off some steam and talk about my journey to cope with HA and my anxiety history. Do you want to share yours as well?? One thing I like about this forum is it shows me I am not alone.
I had pretty dreadful anxiety years ago and had CBT therapy to overcome it. Then I only had 1 or 2 panic attacks a year.
the last full blown heart-pounder mind-melter was last year when my mother in law was diagnosed with a brain tumor (She was almost 80) and she chose not to try and treat it, and I was really far away (like 10,000 km away) and couldn't be there to support them.
In the last couple months I've developed HA and it started when I read some media thing about something cancer related, and has since spiralled out of control at a good speed. I counted today, and have managed to panic myself desperately to the point of sobbing about no less than 15 or 20 things since then! My usual suspects are cancer, blood clots and heart attack, but I've also had some kidney and liver failure panic, autoimmune... When I counted them all I had to laugh, and try to think of what I have left out!
I was starting to get the better of it, but I am slipping back, and am trying hard to educate myself.
I got this book called Overcoming health anxiety, and have been learning about some of the different hoops my mind is jumping through, like how I assume the worst, am hyper sensitive to any change, have been over generalising...
I have managed to acknowledge that probably a source of some of my issues is my mums long history of hypochondria, OCD, and GAD, and she was always convinced I was a sickly and frail child, and would tell me very often that I was fragile and prone to disease. SO i've always assumed I am prone to disease, even though I think I've actually fared better than most people and have no serious family history.
I've also managed to acknowledge that the way I cope with my HA is making matters worse. I look for safety online and I just find out more that makes it worse. I read that something can kill 1 in a million and I think I will be that 1, even though if those were the odds for the lottery I would never believe I would win that!
I am trying to learn to think about it differently, and acknowledge my thoughts as just thoughts, and admit that I can't think myself into it!
Last week I got the first injection of the gardasil vaccination, because I was so worried about cervical cancer I thought I had to have it. Now since yesterday I've had a swollen lymph node under my arm where I got the jab, and have been feeling flu-ey. Today i've had diarrhoea and stomach cramping, and I know both of these can be anxiety related or side effects of the vaccination! The lymph node thing scared the hell out of me, and I've since gone into a huge spiral of panicking about the side effects of the vaccine, which has led me back to worry about blood clots and cancer.
the vaccine I got so I would panic less about cervical cancer. Argh!!!!! It is so frustrating! It makes me so cross that my fear has led me to do something which has actually now made me unwell perhaps! So I feel rubbish and have cramping and feel frustrated about it all, and mad that I have HA. I wish I could be like my DH who can switch worry off like a light when he decides there is nothing there to worry about. But I need to learn to embrace and control my thoughts first.
I have a Dr's apt tomorrow to discuss the side effects and swollen node, if they are related to the vaccination and if I should get the last 2 injections - I am worried my Dr will think I am nuts and a hassle. Never having had a swollen underarm node spooks me. But I am trying to remain relaxed and accept it is likely a side effect, not a sign of something serious. (though in my mind even the side effect has taken on scary intensity). I am still checking my self for signs of lumps, just checked my breasts now and had a boost of panic when I thought i felt something near the swollen node, but I think the other side has the same thing. Grrrr!!!!
I am working through the book as it has some nice worksheets and activities to fill in and will try this chart of keeping track of my thoughts, though it seems I might run out of paper...
Sorry for how long that is, but it sure feels better to pour it all out.
Still new to this forum and hope you won't mind me letting off some steam and talk about my journey to cope with HA and my anxiety history. Do you want to share yours as well?? One thing I like about this forum is it shows me I am not alone.
I had pretty dreadful anxiety years ago and had CBT therapy to overcome it. Then I only had 1 or 2 panic attacks a year.
the last full blown heart-pounder mind-melter was last year when my mother in law was diagnosed with a brain tumor (She was almost 80) and she chose not to try and treat it, and I was really far away (like 10,000 km away) and couldn't be there to support them.
In the last couple months I've developed HA and it started when I read some media thing about something cancer related, and has since spiralled out of control at a good speed. I counted today, and have managed to panic myself desperately to the point of sobbing about no less than 15 or 20 things since then! My usual suspects are cancer, blood clots and heart attack, but I've also had some kidney and liver failure panic, autoimmune... When I counted them all I had to laugh, and try to think of what I have left out!
I was starting to get the better of it, but I am slipping back, and am trying hard to educate myself.
I got this book called Overcoming health anxiety, and have been learning about some of the different hoops my mind is jumping through, like how I assume the worst, am hyper sensitive to any change, have been over generalising...
I have managed to acknowledge that probably a source of some of my issues is my mums long history of hypochondria, OCD, and GAD, and she was always convinced I was a sickly and frail child, and would tell me very often that I was fragile and prone to disease. SO i've always assumed I am prone to disease, even though I think I've actually fared better than most people and have no serious family history.
I've also managed to acknowledge that the way I cope with my HA is making matters worse. I look for safety online and I just find out more that makes it worse. I read that something can kill 1 in a million and I think I will be that 1, even though if those were the odds for the lottery I would never believe I would win that!
I am trying to learn to think about it differently, and acknowledge my thoughts as just thoughts, and admit that I can't think myself into it!
Last week I got the first injection of the gardasil vaccination, because I was so worried about cervical cancer I thought I had to have it. Now since yesterday I've had a swollen lymph node under my arm where I got the jab, and have been feeling flu-ey. Today i've had diarrhoea and stomach cramping, and I know both of these can be anxiety related or side effects of the vaccination! The lymph node thing scared the hell out of me, and I've since gone into a huge spiral of panicking about the side effects of the vaccine, which has led me back to worry about blood clots and cancer.
the vaccine I got so I would panic less about cervical cancer. Argh!!!!! It is so frustrating! It makes me so cross that my fear has led me to do something which has actually now made me unwell perhaps! So I feel rubbish and have cramping and feel frustrated about it all, and mad that I have HA. I wish I could be like my DH who can switch worry off like a light when he decides there is nothing there to worry about. But I need to learn to embrace and control my thoughts first.
I have a Dr's apt tomorrow to discuss the side effects and swollen node, if they are related to the vaccination and if I should get the last 2 injections - I am worried my Dr will think I am nuts and a hassle. Never having had a swollen underarm node spooks me. But I am trying to remain relaxed and accept it is likely a side effect, not a sign of something serious. (though in my mind even the side effect has taken on scary intensity). I am still checking my self for signs of lumps, just checked my breasts now and had a boost of panic when I thought i felt something near the swollen node, but I think the other side has the same thing. Grrrr!!!!
I am working through the book as it has some nice worksheets and activities to fill in and will try this chart of keeping track of my thoughts, though it seems I might run out of paper...
Sorry for how long that is, but it sure feels better to pour it all out.