W.I.F.T.S.
28-04-06, 12:09
I've been having real trouble shaking off a feeling of unreality. Last night, I had a genuine crisis that kind of snapped me out of it. I got a call at about 2 am to say that my dad was on his way to hospital in an ambulance. I was very concerned and called my brother, but put it down to him having an angina attack and I was ok with it.
A little later I got a call to say that it was actually a small heart attack. I was very anxious after that .
I recently posted something about how my dad dying of a heart attack was one of my greatest fears, He's 54, he's got heart disease, he smokes a lot, drinks a lot, eats crap, never exercises and he's been having stress with work.
I didn't handle it that brilliantly- i relied on my brother to go to the hospital and see how he was, because i was too afraid of freaking out. But I didn't go to pieces totally, so that's a plus.
this morning I didn't want my girlfiend to go to work because I was afraid of being home on my own and dwelling on it too much. I've actually been to the gym, which is pretty good.
Ok, so I didn't know what to do and I didn't take command of the situation, but I didn't go to bits totally. The shock has kind of cleared my mind. I feel a bit shaky, but more real, like I have to really act and I haven't got time for self-absorption
My dad should be ok, I hope, it was only a minor heart attack. I've been trying to visualise him coming home and being ginger at first, but gradually getting back into the swing of things. I'm hoping that it will act as a spur for him to change his lifestyle and also for my brother to give up smoking too.
I'm not sure if I'm actually still in shock and it will hit me fully later.
Weirdly, once I had had the telephone call, I wanted to tell people. maybe it's a selfish thing, with me wanting to elicit (?) sympathy. I think also that it's me wanting to quickly shift responsibilty for dealing with it from me to someone else and getting them to look after me.
I was lying there awake, thinking what I would advise myself to do. I think that panic attacks are to do with not wanting to deal with things yourself, wanting someone else to take care of things for you. My advice would be to find my own strength, accept what has happened and look for the positives.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
A little later I got a call to say that it was actually a small heart attack. I was very anxious after that .
I recently posted something about how my dad dying of a heart attack was one of my greatest fears, He's 54, he's got heart disease, he smokes a lot, drinks a lot, eats crap, never exercises and he's been having stress with work.
I didn't handle it that brilliantly- i relied on my brother to go to the hospital and see how he was, because i was too afraid of freaking out. But I didn't go to pieces totally, so that's a plus.
this morning I didn't want my girlfiend to go to work because I was afraid of being home on my own and dwelling on it too much. I've actually been to the gym, which is pretty good.
Ok, so I didn't know what to do and I didn't take command of the situation, but I didn't go to bits totally. The shock has kind of cleared my mind. I feel a bit shaky, but more real, like I have to really act and I haven't got time for self-absorption
My dad should be ok, I hope, it was only a minor heart attack. I've been trying to visualise him coming home and being ginger at first, but gradually getting back into the swing of things. I'm hoping that it will act as a spur for him to change his lifestyle and also for my brother to give up smoking too.
I'm not sure if I'm actually still in shock and it will hit me fully later.
Weirdly, once I had had the telephone call, I wanted to tell people. maybe it's a selfish thing, with me wanting to elicit (?) sympathy. I think also that it's me wanting to quickly shift responsibilty for dealing with it from me to someone else and getting them to look after me.
I was lying there awake, thinking what I would advise myself to do. I think that panic attacks are to do with not wanting to deal with things yourself, wanting someone else to take care of things for you. My advice would be to find my own strength, accept what has happened and look for the positives.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.