Katiex
11-07-11, 00:38
I have suffered from OCD for about 17 years. I'm 27 now. I have tried all types of medication but due to having Fibromyalgia and possible ME I don't tolerate medication well so I tried CBT and found this didn't help, or maybe I just didn't see it through long enough I'm not sure but I believe my OCD is so severe that I need medication more than talking.
I have tried to work (I am a part qualified accountant) but no job ever lasts.
I pour a glass of water and suddenly this horrible sense of fear starts in my stomach, my skin crawls, I feel sickly and worried as the intrusive thoughts of something happening to my children starts and that voice in my head telling me to pour the water away and refill until it feels 'right'. You know how stupid it sounds but for some reason that horrible feeling just won't go away until you've carried out what your head tells you to.
I open a door and the cycle starts again, touch it with one hand then the other then on the opposite side of the door do the same.
Reading a book. Get through a couple of words then its back to the beginning because my eyes didn't follow the line straight. The words seem to start jumping about.
Typing. Make a mistake and the whole lot gets deleted and start again.
Talking. You know that repeating a word a few times is going to have the person you're talking to thinking you're not right but it has to be done.
Putting a lid on something. Once, twice, 3 times, 4, 5.....can't do 5 because thats my sons age lets go up to 15 thats a safe number its quite far away from the kids ages.
Lights switches, oven knobs, taps, the radio buttons in the car, using a phone, brushing my hair, putting on mascara, itching, drinking out of a cup, changing a channel, walking up or down the stairs........argh!!!!! Absolutely everything is affected. Its become automatic. And the intrusive thoughts are unbearable.
And I HATE when people who obviously don't have it say to me 'you know what I have OCD because when I make my bed it has to be perfect' or 'I hate when theres a gap in my curtains its my OCD that' or 'I have to make sure my shoes are all lined up straight' Do they feel pure fear when doing this????? Do they feel so bad that it debilitates them every day of their life?????
I think OCD is taken so lightly by alot of people when they have no idea how it really is. Including my GP who doesn't seem to know how much I suffer with everything I have and struggle every day of my life with no help or support.
Sorry to rant :shrug: I just feel quite alone. I can't tell anyone close to me how I feel because they've really nastily spoke about me behind my back in the past.
I have tried to work (I am a part qualified accountant) but no job ever lasts.
I pour a glass of water and suddenly this horrible sense of fear starts in my stomach, my skin crawls, I feel sickly and worried as the intrusive thoughts of something happening to my children starts and that voice in my head telling me to pour the water away and refill until it feels 'right'. You know how stupid it sounds but for some reason that horrible feeling just won't go away until you've carried out what your head tells you to.
I open a door and the cycle starts again, touch it with one hand then the other then on the opposite side of the door do the same.
Reading a book. Get through a couple of words then its back to the beginning because my eyes didn't follow the line straight. The words seem to start jumping about.
Typing. Make a mistake and the whole lot gets deleted and start again.
Talking. You know that repeating a word a few times is going to have the person you're talking to thinking you're not right but it has to be done.
Putting a lid on something. Once, twice, 3 times, 4, 5.....can't do 5 because thats my sons age lets go up to 15 thats a safe number its quite far away from the kids ages.
Lights switches, oven knobs, taps, the radio buttons in the car, using a phone, brushing my hair, putting on mascara, itching, drinking out of a cup, changing a channel, walking up or down the stairs........argh!!!!! Absolutely everything is affected. Its become automatic. And the intrusive thoughts are unbearable.
And I HATE when people who obviously don't have it say to me 'you know what I have OCD because when I make my bed it has to be perfect' or 'I hate when theres a gap in my curtains its my OCD that' or 'I have to make sure my shoes are all lined up straight' Do they feel pure fear when doing this????? Do they feel so bad that it debilitates them every day of their life?????
I think OCD is taken so lightly by alot of people when they have no idea how it really is. Including my GP who doesn't seem to know how much I suffer with everything I have and struggle every day of my life with no help or support.
Sorry to rant :shrug: I just feel quite alone. I can't tell anyone close to me how I feel because they've really nastily spoke about me behind my back in the past.