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JustMe24
13-07-11, 12:44
Hiya, my name is lily and im 24. I have recently been seeing a new therapist who believes i am suffering with P.T.S.D and i just wanted to talk to those who can relate a little to what i am going through and who may also have some advice having been there themselves.....so heres my story.

I was sexually assaulted, not yards from my house one day walking back from school at the age of 13, i know people have gone through a lot worse but it was very traumatic for me. I had little knowledge about sex and things at that age and it felt like i'd been thrown into this very adult and horrible world. It was reported to the police and i was interviewed, but pretty much straight after that it wasnt talked about...my parents didnt know how to deal with it and werent given any advice so im guessing they thought the best thing was to pretend like it never happened and move on. What i didnt know was that not talking about it wasnt helping and that started to show in my behaviour. I developed OCD, i'd self groom excessively, particulary straighten my hair until it was falling out but it felt comforting and i needed that self assurance. My parents noticed and threatened to send me to a therapist which at 13 was horrifying and so it shocked me out of the pattern, though it did return later in a different form.
About 6months after i got my first bf, who was 3yrs older than me but seemed alot older which i liked because i think i felt a need for protection...it didnt last long but we still saw each other because we had mutual friends, he treated me very badly during this time period, was very cruel with the things he said and gathered his friends to join in,so most nights i'd come home feeling even more worthless than i already did. Enough was enough and i stopped seeing them, but the damage was already done.
I went through various stages as a teenager, from being extremely rebellious with no self respect, to a withdrawn person who wouldnt let anyone see her in daylight. I always had this obsession with how i looked, but by the end of year 11 i was coping and when i got into 6th form at school i came into my own, had a amazing bf and friends who were supportive and was doing really well at school and started to have confidence within myself.
I got a place at uni, and for the first year all was well..i was very nervous and shy but i made a few friends,though i felt like the stupidest one in the group. I was doing good in my work and exams tho which was the main thing to me. We moved house which i found very hard,and not long after me and my bf broke up which broke my heart to be honest. I got through that by putting all my focus into my studies,but then one early winter morning i had to be in uni early, it was dark and a man approached me as i got off my bus....he followed me and kept getting in my personal space asking if he could be my friend and i just thought 'oh god its gonna happen again'. I ran and caught the bus straight home, i cried my eyes up all the way back. My therapist believes this is what triggered my now excessive behaviour, one because being followed alone is traumatic but also my association with that day i was assaulted.
I havent been out of my house alone since that day which was now 3yrs ago,not even to walk to the shop. i have panic attacks regulary, low mood and my ocd is extreme. help that ive had does not seem to be working and i just want to know what others think? feel free to ask anything sorry i've talked so much but i felt it was all valid
x x

keta
13-07-11, 14:44
Hi Lily

I have no advice as such but sorry to hear what you've been through, i have been sexually assaulted when i was 16 by 3 blokes and never got the right support by my family. I didn't even reported it as my mum said it was my own fault . Is the therapy you getting now helping at all ?

Marketa

JustMe24
13-07-11, 15:08
Aww its ok, sometimes i think its just good to talk to others who have been through something similiar. Im very sorry to hear that Marketa, that must have been very hard for you. No offence to your mum, but it was definately not your fault and you should have had her support. Some of it is helping,its nice to just talk to the therapist and know they aren't going to judge me or tell anyone what i've said. Have you considered it?
Lily x

keta
13-07-11, 15:33
I know it wasn't my fault and if i had bit of a support i wouldn't have ended up self harming, but it's all water under the bridge now for me. I have had 2 counseling’s one was CBT for my anxiety the other was a private one and that's where i spoken about it a lot. It just made me realize i shouldn’t blame myself for it. Both helped into a degree but as for anxiety and agoraphobia it's constant battle. I’m ok to go to work, food shopping, gym and take my little boy to school etc but anything else is always a struggle. I’m due to have 2 weeks of in August with my son and I know I will have to take him places to keep him entertained and I’m already dreading it but I think only way to break the cycle is to go and do things. I think you should consider it as no pills will make this better. Maybe little trips to local shop or library – obviously go in a day light so you don’t feel to scared or as somebody suggested here to a different thread get a push bike to get to places that way if you need to you can get away quicker. I think your therapist should encourage you do little steps like that. That’s just my thoughts hope you don’t mind x

JustMe24
13-07-11, 16:38
It sounds to me that your doing pretty well and you should be proud of all you've achieved so far, its definately not easy and is hard to keep at it but your fighting it which is the main thing. Its a really good thing that your trying not only for yourself but your son and i admire that. That makes sense, and i think your right..little steps is where i need to start. I like the idea of the library because its usually quiet and pretty empty during the day so maybe if i could try get myself there and continue to do it till im comfortable, i can try somewhere else. I'll stick with my therapy, but i've been referred to someone new which is supposed to be taking a few weeks so i'll give what you said a go,because i've got nothing to lose really....even if i cant do it atleast i can say i've tried.
Thanks you've been very helpful =D x

Lynnann
13-07-11, 19:58
Hi

Welcome to NMP, I can relate to your story and the incident at the bus would definately have triggered your reactions. It sounds like you have a good therapist who is helping. I struggled with Agorophobia for a long time and occasionally still have the wobbles. You can't let these people win. You are worth more than that. I agree with trying different theapies until you find the right one for you but ultimately a lot of it is going to be down to you.

The road to recovery is hard work but the results are worth it. Start with small steps even two steps outside the front door helps, the next time you try you can keep telling yourself it was ok last time and maybe manage three.

Your mind is simply trying to protect you, now you need to retrain it. I found it helpful to keep telling myself the incidents that happened in my life were isolated and tried to concentrate on all the days that nothing awful happened.

I do think a self esteem course would be helpful to you as the treatment you recieved from your first boyfriend combined with the assault in your early teens is a lot to contend with and survivors of assault and abuse and it was verbal abuse that you suffered tend to suffer from a lack of self confidence.

I wish you well in your recovery, I know that there is a great future ahead of you:)

Lynnann:flowers:

JustMe24
14-07-11, 14:21
Hi Lynnann thankyou for the welcome :)

Its good to have someone to relate too sometimes you think your the only one, tho im very sorry you've had to experience this also. She is a good therapist, i've had others but i seem to have made more progress in a short space of time. Really? Im sorry to hear that, you sound like your in a strong place though and have worked hard to get there which is definately what i aspire too,should be proud of yourself. Your right they dont deserve to win, I just get the odd day when i dont feel worth more than that if that makes sense. Definately, i think i was in alot of denial and thought it was gonna fix itself but i know now its something im going to have to work at and keep working at.

Thats a good idea,baby steps is the way forward i think...its just getting past that inital phase of feeling like an idiot, i dont know whether you were the same but it automatically feels like all eyes are on me as soon as i try it.

That makes sense, i have a habit of only looking at the bad you forget the days when everything was fine so i'll give that a try.

Confidence is a major issue, it doesnt help that im naturally hard on myself either. sometimes i look in the mirror and still see myself as i was back then and i cant stand it. So a self esteem course sounds helpful, im gonna look into it :)

Thankyou and may you continue in yours. Thanks also for taking the time to read my post. Fingers crossed:D

Lily

Lynnann
15-07-11, 00:23
Hi Lily,

I am in a good place now, it has taken a while with a lot of help and support from friends and family and a lot of help from the members here on NMP :D

Yes, when things aren't spoken about you feel like the only one, which is very isolating, it is a strange sort of relief to find someone who relates ( relief and sorrow for them having lived through their experiences). That said and done everyone has some issue in their life they struggle with, you are heading in the right direction to deal with yours :D

We all have the odd day were things are difficult and our self worth plummets (yes been there) but thats what friends are for, to pick you up, dust you down and tell you how fantastic you really are :D Although you won't believe them quite yet it will help you feel better :)

We do think that everyones eyes are on us but I promise they are too busy getting on with what they are doing, the most they may think is you are standing outside your door wondering if you remembered your keys :)

I am so glad you are going to look into a self esteem course, perhaps think about CBT, you can do that online at home if it is easier. start to retrain your brain :yesyes:

I look forward to watching your progress and getting to know you:)

Lynnann:flowers:

Chriswebster
18-07-11, 21:16
Hey Lily
I am heart broken to hear your story. I have 2 young daughters and really am not looking forward to them becoming independent in this world :-(
I can't offer any wise words but I can say you will find great support on this site.
I wish you well and a full recovery from your experience. Hold your head high and live life again girlie!
Best
Chris x