Feeling alone and scared, in need of advice

[jc7349]

I'm not really sure where to begin....I'm 27yrs old and have suffered from mild to severe anxiety since I was child. I had a traumatic childhood where my Mums partner used to knock her about and be very abusive and this is where a lot of my issues come from. From the age of 8 until he left when I was 15 I was terrified about leaving her incase he killed her as he used to threaten to do this regularly. I saw a counsellor several years ago, but I couldn't afford to keep going. I do not have a lot of support from my family, when I tried to talk to my mum about it all she told me I was not to tell anyone or they would think I was a freak. My anxiety is very bad again, I worry about everything imaginable and can feel rather hopless and worthless and I feel unable to talk to anyone of my friends about it. I have been put on Anti Depressants by my Doctor, took my first tablet today and feel terrified about taking them as worried about the side effects or I will never come off them. I just feel like a complete failure and really worried about people judging me. I feel very alone and I am worried about alienating people and loosing them if I let them in to what I am going through. I find it so hard to talk about I tend to bottle everything up and put a brave face on it. I just don't know how to cope with it all half the time. If anyone can offer any advice I would be very gratful as I just find it so hard to let anyone in.

[diane07]

Hi jc7349

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[bevwilks]

Hi jc7349, firstly you need to let people in to help you. you can't do it on your own you will drive yourself mad. what is that saying, a problem shared is a problem halved.. secondly why not do some research into herbal medicine if your not sure about taking perscribed drugs.. I believe there are many herbal drugs that will help. but please talk to a friend about how you feel surely if they are friends they will want to help.. take care. feel free to personal message me if you want to.

[iluvu]

dear You,
the anxiety and pain you feel, at any and all moments, is not your fault. you do not, and did not, deserve to witness the traumatic events you did. what you did was live through, and are now living THROUGH and PAST what your mother also didn't deserve to experience.
what has helped me process things that seemed too big to handle myself, and when i felt no one else could help, is to create a book (that i called my Sad Book) where i could literally capture all the things that seemed to overwhelm me. often there is one or two ideas that take me over, that control every part of me. and by jotting them down in the book i feel like i have a new relationship with them. i can talk to them and let them exist somewhere that's no longer just inside of me.
please feel free to message.

[M155anthr0p3]

Hi jc,

Welcome to NMP.

You are not hopeless nor worthness. You're just going through a horrible time at the moment.
I am not saying medication is wrong or right. I am currently on Prozac & have found it to be a massive help to me but you need to do what is right for you.

This forum will be a great support to you.

Good luck

Emily xx