afraid of people...jitteryness..hyper-vigilance...

[rosepetal]

I managed to make it out to shop in Sainsbury's this morning....even got lots of healthy food.....

But in the queue my problems began...again...a woman was standing quite close behind me and I asked her to stand back when I entered my pin code into the chip and pin machine to pay...she did, but looked at me strangely....

I put my card and cash back and purse away, and picked up my shopping to leave....the woman then said in an irritated tone, but quietish, "can I move now!?" I looked at her and said "Sorry, but I suffer from panic attacks" (its easier to call it that than PTSD/hyper-vigilance....) and she then said "I can see!" (still in irritated disapproving annoyed tone..and so then I said.."could you please treat me with some empathy and understanding rather than judgement." and then walked away...

I remained calm and didn't 'throw a wobbly' even as I felt very wobbly inside....

And to the check out lady's credit, she waited for me to put everything away and pick up my bags before she started on Insensitive Lady's shopping......which was kind of her....

But I am so down from this...it happens often, this insensitive treatment in public...sometimes its been worse, sometimes people have laughed at me...and that really hurts and makes me angry and upset....

Why do people seem to hate me so?

Then walking down the road this afternoon there was a man about 100 metres + behind me...and I kept looking behind me to check he wasn't after me...was so jittery and hyper-vigilant....so afraid and wary.....

It hurts so much...

I've taken a propranolol and have eaten and am quietly settled in an internet cafe, feel a bit calmer...

But I'm so frightened of the world, of people, hardly anywhere feels safe....

[susan]

Rosepetal. What a lovely name! Nobody hates you. You dont sound like the sort of person anybody could hate. Now,me...? There are just some very rude people out there. My father used to say we should feel sorry for them as theyre obviosly not happy people. Im not that magnanamous! But, there you go. Ive taken to dressing smartly and looking at people very firmly through my glasses. For some reason people are far nicer to me then. Stupid isnt it! And to another poster, I really dont want to comment.. but I do.. its not my place,,and yet if being in a violent relationship (only on and off!) for 16 yrs doesnt make me obligated.. I stayed for my children- the proper home. We laughed a lot. He was my home. My panic attacks grew worse and worse. He looked after me and supported me when I felt shakey. I evicted him through a solicitor 5 yrs ago. The clincher was when he told me one day that I wasnt a human being, I was ****. I thought No, Im a human being who can find a soliciter. Its only after I properly got out of the relationship that I can see how awful it was and how brainwashed I was. Im still not completely better. But, Im a damn site better! Ive recently volunteered to work for Womens Aid. Also the Cinnamon Trust. I practise Buddhism, but have been allowed to join the Quaker Concern for Animals. (Multi faithed) I have aquired 2 springer spaniels who I take for long walks. Ive become vegetarian. Istill have trust issues and can fly into a hurt rage. but, each day brings more gifts. We all have the right to chose our own path. Getting on to mine wasnt easy. Like I said Im not magnanamous . I can forgive.. not forget or learn by it. Love and best wishes to all. Susan

sue

[giddy]

Hi Rosepetal - people do not hate you, there have always been rude people around, you're just more sensitive to them now because of the anxiety. Instead of focusing on the one person who was rude, think of all the other people who have been kind to you - like the check out lady.
I think you did brilliantly asking the lady to move back and then not reacting to her rudeness.
I totally understand about feeling jitery when someone is behaind you - again I think because we are so sensitive to everything, we build normal things out of proportion. I walk home from work and zigzag across the road to avoid 'dodgy' looking people (who I'm sure are perfectly nice!) and hate anyone walking too close behind me.
Take Care
Love Helen

[Meggy]

I'm new here, just introduced myself and problem not on this forum, on the introduction forum.

If you can get thru my very long intro post I explain my extreme fear of people coming to the door I don't know. Also jumping nearly out of my skin when someone I do know knocks on the door. There's not a way in the world I can answer it if I don't know a person. I won't even open the door to someone I know until I've had verbal and visual confirmation who it is. Service people in my home make me so edgy, even if I've called them. I decided once I'd rather live with a jammed up toilet than have a repairman in the house. A man came out about a month ago to fix the dishwasher. He actually made it far worse and right now I have no intention of calling him because he was rude, slovenly and both me and my dog were wrecks by the time he left but really - he was just rude, slovenly and oh, doesn't know how to fix dishwashers apparently. I didn't post this before but I have days when I can't bare to answer the phone either. I have caller ID but so many people figure out some way to masquerade who they are I let the answering machine get it. Sometimes it's someone I know. They ask is this Meggy and I'm so surprised it's someone I know, so prepared to say Meggy isn't home that I've in nervousness even said that to my son's wife who called once and asked is this Meggy? And I said no, she's not home, hung up before I could regroup.

I don't have the jitters or hyper vigilance in public. I was attacked in my home and that's where my problems are, mainly interpersonal relationships too that are new to me. I'd just rather keep it very light, keep a physical distance and observe them for months! Another poster touched on this tho and I had a similar experience with excellent results. Years ago when I was in college I took a voluntary 4 week class on how to take a test. The curricula was excellent. One of the surprising to me things they taught us was this: don't cram the night before a test. Get a good night's sleep so you feel strong. Eat a favorite dinner, at a favorite restaurant if possible. Give yourself a bubble bath, do your finger and toe nails. Get your hair fixed and on the day of the test wear your most smashing outfit. The idea was if you walked into a class giving a test the more confidence you have the better you do on tests. I started doing that, went the whole way. At that time I always knew the material but I didn't do well on tests. After the instructor taught us how to build our confidence by looking and feeling as good as we could? I swear to you, my test scores went up right away and pretty far too. I've used that lesson in other areas of my life.

You know sweetie you're evaluating the wrong personality here. Evaluating the woman with the inappropriate reactions. It wasn't you. It's common courtesy and even posted in places that those behind us should step back not to read anyone's PIN number. You were reasonable, she was not. I'm very impressed with how you handled that. With my current problems I would have been on top of her with anger like moss on a rock!

Meggy

[Piglet]

Rosepetal (gorgeous name), Susan and Meggy,

Girls I think you are all very brave in your own unique ways and can all be very proud of how you are dealing with things while feeling so scared.:)

Rosepetal I really did admire the way you dealt with checkout customer and totally agree that the problem there was in no way anything to do with you mate.

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.