bogie2
30-04-06, 23:01
Hi
This is such a great site and it's amazing to see I'm not alone.
I suffer from GAD and health anxiety and often feel so miserable about it that I wish I was dead. I'd never kill myself and don't actually feel suicidal, I just sometimes feel it would be better for everyone and myself if I actually had one of the many illnesses I worry about.
I'm single and have been for years. Just can't envisage anyone putting up with me.
I have lots of issues. I worry about illnesses constantly. I seem to fixate on 1 illness at a time and it seems to go into a compartment of my brain and niggle me until I'm convinced I have it.
Because I'm single - and I know this sounds insane - but I worry that people think I'm some sort of sexual deviant. I had boyfriends a few years ago but since I became a teacher, I've just been too busy and tired. People have tried to fix me up with their friends and because I didn't fancy them, I started to worry that maybe I wasn't straight after all. I've even worried that people might think I'm into children or animals. I have to say I've never felt the slightest thing towards women/children/animals but I'm haunted by the worry that I might turn into someone who does. Some days it makes me feel physically sick and I feel uncomfortable if I look at women in provocative clothes or kids who I dont know, as I'm scared I might get some kind of reaction which would prove it to me.
I'm also scared about being more than 4 minutes from a hospital. I read somewhere that if you have a heart attack, you have to have a response within 4 minutes. I live right opposite the A&E dept of a hospital so always feel safe at home. Driving out of town ,even going to my parents house makes me feel a bit panicky. I'm not too bad if I know the route I'm doing, but if I'm driving somewhere unknown in the counrtyside, I start worrying that I'll stop breathing, and I have to really concentrate in order to breathe. Sometimes I cough and get really confused about whether I'm breathing in or out. I eventually get quite panicky and start looking for places to pull over. I tend to calm down on approaching a town as I know there will be a hospital and someone to help me.
Am I a complete fruitcake?
I'm actually having counselling with a community psychiatric nurse at the moment but there seems to be no end to it as every time I go I seem to bring up more and more issues.
Will I ever get better? I used to love driving and flying but the thought now of getting on a plane and not being near a hospital will stop me ever going on holiday again.
Is there actually any hope for me?
This is such a great site and it's amazing to see I'm not alone.
I suffer from GAD and health anxiety and often feel so miserable about it that I wish I was dead. I'd never kill myself and don't actually feel suicidal, I just sometimes feel it would be better for everyone and myself if I actually had one of the many illnesses I worry about.
I'm single and have been for years. Just can't envisage anyone putting up with me.
I have lots of issues. I worry about illnesses constantly. I seem to fixate on 1 illness at a time and it seems to go into a compartment of my brain and niggle me until I'm convinced I have it.
Because I'm single - and I know this sounds insane - but I worry that people think I'm some sort of sexual deviant. I had boyfriends a few years ago but since I became a teacher, I've just been too busy and tired. People have tried to fix me up with their friends and because I didn't fancy them, I started to worry that maybe I wasn't straight after all. I've even worried that people might think I'm into children or animals. I have to say I've never felt the slightest thing towards women/children/animals but I'm haunted by the worry that I might turn into someone who does. Some days it makes me feel physically sick and I feel uncomfortable if I look at women in provocative clothes or kids who I dont know, as I'm scared I might get some kind of reaction which would prove it to me.
I'm also scared about being more than 4 minutes from a hospital. I read somewhere that if you have a heart attack, you have to have a response within 4 minutes. I live right opposite the A&E dept of a hospital so always feel safe at home. Driving out of town ,even going to my parents house makes me feel a bit panicky. I'm not too bad if I know the route I'm doing, but if I'm driving somewhere unknown in the counrtyside, I start worrying that I'll stop breathing, and I have to really concentrate in order to breathe. Sometimes I cough and get really confused about whether I'm breathing in or out. I eventually get quite panicky and start looking for places to pull over. I tend to calm down on approaching a town as I know there will be a hospital and someone to help me.
Am I a complete fruitcake?
I'm actually having counselling with a community psychiatric nurse at the moment but there seems to be no end to it as every time I go I seem to bring up more and more issues.
Will I ever get better? I used to love driving and flying but the thought now of getting on a plane and not being near a hospital will stop me ever going on holiday again.
Is there actually any hope for me?