b00mzx
01-05-06, 01:26
Hey everyone, hope your all ok...
Now i know many of you who have seen my messages here before have noticed that i just write whatever i feel, but it makes me feel better, but anyway, i have been ok for the last week or so, until 2 days ago... the girlfriends mother came round and sat us down and told me that i had 2 weeks to get a job or to get out of her daughters flat! she also told us to get rid of our 6month old puppy, cos she is ruining the flat. I just took all the shouting, "effing & blinding" that she gave me, i know i shouldn't but i knew she had a point, but to tell me to leave was harsh, i havn't worked really since november 2005, but i left my last job because of stress with my parents seperation. My girlfriend doesn't want me to leave, nor does she want to get rid of our puppy, its her flat not her mothers, and the puppy is hers too, so i know what we will say " its my girlfriends decision if she wants me to leave" but her parents have said that if she wants help to sort her flat out (bad mould, damp, and no carpets) then they will only help if both me an the dog are gone!
Its tearing me up cos my girlfirend does not want me to go, i don't want to go, but it will tear her connections with her family wide open, and i dont want that.. her mother, step dad, and auntie came round the following day and told me yet again (shouting that loud i thought the local police would be called) and this time her mother broke down crying, and screaming at me, even though i didn't raise my voice or say anything to hurt her! This made me feel so guilty, that i wanted to just get out and end it all, i am to blame for everything, and i hate her family for making me feel like this.
That night i drank 4.5 pints and a double vodka redbull, and went for a drive, not sure what to do, this mixed with at least 3 anti depressants, was enough to make me determined to end it all, unfortunatly (or fortunatly) i just couldn't, i just want taking away so i cant hurt anyone anymore...21 years i have been on this planet, and i have 21 years worth of hurt behind me, i want rid of this black cloud!!!
so this is how i feel at this moment!
Rian
Rian951
Now i know many of you who have seen my messages here before have noticed that i just write whatever i feel, but it makes me feel better, but anyway, i have been ok for the last week or so, until 2 days ago... the girlfriends mother came round and sat us down and told me that i had 2 weeks to get a job or to get out of her daughters flat! she also told us to get rid of our 6month old puppy, cos she is ruining the flat. I just took all the shouting, "effing & blinding" that she gave me, i know i shouldn't but i knew she had a point, but to tell me to leave was harsh, i havn't worked really since november 2005, but i left my last job because of stress with my parents seperation. My girlfriend doesn't want me to leave, nor does she want to get rid of our puppy, its her flat not her mothers, and the puppy is hers too, so i know what we will say " its my girlfriends decision if she wants me to leave" but her parents have said that if she wants help to sort her flat out (bad mould, damp, and no carpets) then they will only help if both me an the dog are gone!
Its tearing me up cos my girlfirend does not want me to go, i don't want to go, but it will tear her connections with her family wide open, and i dont want that.. her mother, step dad, and auntie came round the following day and told me yet again (shouting that loud i thought the local police would be called) and this time her mother broke down crying, and screaming at me, even though i didn't raise my voice or say anything to hurt her! This made me feel so guilty, that i wanted to just get out and end it all, i am to blame for everything, and i hate her family for making me feel like this.
That night i drank 4.5 pints and a double vodka redbull, and went for a drive, not sure what to do, this mixed with at least 3 anti depressants, was enough to make me determined to end it all, unfortunatly (or fortunatly) i just couldn't, i just want taking away so i cant hurt anyone anymore...21 years i have been on this planet, and i have 21 years worth of hurt behind me, i want rid of this black cloud!!!
so this is how i feel at this moment!
Rian
Rian951