zoe11
18-07-11, 16:52
hi everyone,
i have suffered on and off with having a cancer phobia for about the last 12 years..
i am married with 3 children.
it all started when i was about 24 years old and i was getting a bad aching neck at the time which i put down to moving house...this is when it all started..
i started to convince myself that i had a brain tumour, which brought on terrible anxiety, i couldnt eat or sleep, i lost weight, i felt absolutely awful!
at this time tho i never really realised what i was doing, until my throat tensed up and i couldnt swallow, it felt i had a lump stuck there and of course i once again thought i had throat cancer..the anxiety brought on this feeling where the muscles were tensing so bad, at this time i could not recognise my symptoms of making myself believe and think i had it, i just assumed i had it...
this carried on for 4 more years of feeling around my body, finding new things that had probably been there all my life, i just hadnt noticed..
With this i was running to the doctor every week with something new that i had found..
Then 1 day about 6 years ago i watched a program of some woman who had something wrong with her mouth, that was it then the focus had took a big turn to focusing around my mouth, looking in my mouth with a small mirror, feeling with my fingers...
with this happening tho seems to have taken the focus and the anxiety off the rest of my body, for what reason i do not know..
Over the past 12 years i have definitley began to recognise my way of thinking...
i think to myself, is it cancer that im really scared of or is it the anxiety that scares me the most, the horrible feeling that you get of not being able to cope, to eat , to sleep, to cope with everyday life..
I think that when i focus on something (in my mouth) that deep down i know is normal but it still becomes a focus i know
1. it will be on my mind
2. constant looking in the mirror and constantly feeling it.
it basically takes over, thats what scares me. so with this its like suffering from OCD aswell..
I feel that constant looking and touching makes you do it more and more, so sometimes i will say to myself , right i cant touch or look now till 10pm tonight which helps and takes the pressure off.
1 thing i do not do is look on the internet at pictures or read anything about it, that is the worst thing to do, as the years have gone on i can say to myself , right you know this is normal and there is no need to panic..
I havent really been to the gp about anything much for a long while, as i wrote earlier the focus on my mouth has taken the anxiety and worries away from the rest of my body. in 1 way thats a good thing.
i work in a hospital and the oral clinic there know about my condition and if i feel really down, which isnt often, i can sit and chat with them, they have been brilliant i have to say... i try not to do this tho because i feel its something for myself to sort out because its more mental than physical.
also as the few years have gone on the looking in the mirror for hours on end has gone, i will still look but very little to how i used too, but its not completley gone, i wish it would tho..
its good to know that im not the only 1 living with this and there are many more of you doing the same thing as me..
i am here to help also with anybody who needs to chat, i feel i can help with situations that bother any of you aswell and help you cope and try to help anybody try and think differently in the way i have helped myself through the years
i have suffered on and off with having a cancer phobia for about the last 12 years..
i am married with 3 children.
it all started when i was about 24 years old and i was getting a bad aching neck at the time which i put down to moving house...this is when it all started..
i started to convince myself that i had a brain tumour, which brought on terrible anxiety, i couldnt eat or sleep, i lost weight, i felt absolutely awful!
at this time tho i never really realised what i was doing, until my throat tensed up and i couldnt swallow, it felt i had a lump stuck there and of course i once again thought i had throat cancer..the anxiety brought on this feeling where the muscles were tensing so bad, at this time i could not recognise my symptoms of making myself believe and think i had it, i just assumed i had it...
this carried on for 4 more years of feeling around my body, finding new things that had probably been there all my life, i just hadnt noticed..
With this i was running to the doctor every week with something new that i had found..
Then 1 day about 6 years ago i watched a program of some woman who had something wrong with her mouth, that was it then the focus had took a big turn to focusing around my mouth, looking in my mouth with a small mirror, feeling with my fingers...
with this happening tho seems to have taken the focus and the anxiety off the rest of my body, for what reason i do not know..
Over the past 12 years i have definitley began to recognise my way of thinking...
i think to myself, is it cancer that im really scared of or is it the anxiety that scares me the most, the horrible feeling that you get of not being able to cope, to eat , to sleep, to cope with everyday life..
I think that when i focus on something (in my mouth) that deep down i know is normal but it still becomes a focus i know
1. it will be on my mind
2. constant looking in the mirror and constantly feeling it.
it basically takes over, thats what scares me. so with this its like suffering from OCD aswell..
I feel that constant looking and touching makes you do it more and more, so sometimes i will say to myself , right i cant touch or look now till 10pm tonight which helps and takes the pressure off.
1 thing i do not do is look on the internet at pictures or read anything about it, that is the worst thing to do, as the years have gone on i can say to myself , right you know this is normal and there is no need to panic..
I havent really been to the gp about anything much for a long while, as i wrote earlier the focus on my mouth has taken the anxiety and worries away from the rest of my body. in 1 way thats a good thing.
i work in a hospital and the oral clinic there know about my condition and if i feel really down, which isnt often, i can sit and chat with them, they have been brilliant i have to say... i try not to do this tho because i feel its something for myself to sort out because its more mental than physical.
also as the few years have gone on the looking in the mirror for hours on end has gone, i will still look but very little to how i used too, but its not completley gone, i wish it would tho..
its good to know that im not the only 1 living with this and there are many more of you doing the same thing as me..
i am here to help also with anybody who needs to chat, i feel i can help with situations that bother any of you aswell and help you cope and try to help anybody try and think differently in the way i have helped myself through the years