Acceptance?

[SueBee]

For the last four months or so, I've been cutting down on my antidepressant, with the goal of being med free.

Last few weeks, I've not felt 'right' and yesterday, I had the most horrendous panic attack. I felt like quitting my job as I was thinking I'll probably fail sooner or later, so may as well get it over with - you know how the negative feelings snowball !

Slightly better today but I guess my question is, will I have to accept being on medication for life? It makes me feel so weak that I have to rely on it to feel 'normal', but I can't seem to cut down. I get so far and all the old panic symptoms return.

I just want to be the old 'me', confident with no meds. Too much to hope for?

Sue xxx

[recoil]

ive been of the cit for a few months now after deciding that im going to do this without the meds yes it been hard sometimes and i accept the fact that im not going to 100% my old self for a while i have good weeks and bad weeks but even when im feeling a bit down i still carry on an do the best i can .and not let my issues get to me .i an not letting it rule my life anymore.

[macc noodle]

SueBee

I really do think it depends on your situation.

My father suffered horrendous depression due to his brain not producing the serotonin to combat it. Ergo, he needed medication for it in just the same way that you take vitamins for general health. Some 35 yrs later he still takes a daily tablet, albeit on a small dose but without it he soon gets low.

He went through phases of thinking he needed to be meds free and that he could combat it through sheer determination - but it was not to be - so he took the other approach and that is that if he needs the tablet, he will take the tablet in exactly the same way as someone would take say a statin med.

He has had a very fulfilling career and yes, has still had bouts of anxiety and panic but only in a low level way that he could manage without added meds.

But, on the other hand, if your panic could be controlled with the benefit of CBT, then clearly there is hope that you will prevail and no longer need the meds.

I suffer HA and panic and am currently having CBT and am very hopeful of a full recovery in that my problems are reduced to that of the ordinary man in the street!!!

I guess my response would be that when the time is right, it will happen and it may take longer than you would like but don't beat yourself up about it in the meantime.

Macc Noodle

[mjh74]

Hi Sue,

Funnily (or not so in our case). I've been slowly cutting my Citalopram dose over the last 3 years (have been on it for 6 for anxiety). I've gradually dropped down from 60mg and about a month and a half ago dropped from 10mg daily to 10mg every other day. This has been the hardest drop to cope with so far. I thought I was pretty much hanging in there until the past couple of days. Today feels like I'm back where I was 6 years ago and I'm sitting here at work feeling absolutely petrified and despirately trying not to gag. I've taken 2mg of valium which I also haven't had for about 6 years and it has taken the edge off it and allowed me to actually sit and write this!
So you're not alone and I too would love to be free of these meds and actually have my own proper feelings and emotions for once. I think I'm going to go back to 10mg daily again and once I'm feeling "ok", try 10mg / 5mg every other day and see how that goes.

Best wishes and hope you feel better soon!

Mark x

[Hope38]

Hi, I've been batling the medication thing for a while. The way I look at it is my brain doesn't create enough seratonin so I need the meds like a diabetic needs insulin. Doesnt mean I cant help myself in other ways too. There are some good books out there re CBT, light therapy and vitamins x

[lmb_nj]

HI I just restarted cit. I was on it for 5 years or so for mild depression and anxiety. Also had a few years of therapy. Back in late 2010 I got it in my head I was fine and that let's see how I do with out the meds. My doctor agreed that we should try. I slowly came off of the 20 mg a day. I was doing fine I thought. But just this past month was becoming anxious. I didn't pay attention to the signs and well bam huge anxiety / panic attack. I'm now going back on. I kick myself for even going off. I did not have any side effects at that point, just thought maybe my brain fixed it self. I don't think that happened in my case. Now I'm suffering through side effects of starting up again.

I agree, that if it helps then take it just like other daily medications. Why suffer.

[debs71]

Thanks for posting on your experiences Sue as I think a lot of people share those experiences and your thoughts and feelings.

I have tried many times to come off meds over the years. Each time my anxiety and panic would return. I had got to a stage where I had accepted that I will always need to take them, and I think there is absolutely no shame attached to that, nor do I think so now even though I am reducing my meds to - I hope - none.

I am now on 5mg every other day of Cipralex, and this is the lowest amount I have ever felt stable on, and my aim is still to live a meds free life IF I am able to, but if I am not then so be it.

For me personally, the reason I would like to come off meds is more of a physical thing rather than anything else. I already feel far less sluggish and healthier having reduced it to the level I am on now, and over the years of bouncing on and off it, I have gained weight and just feel generally unhealthy. I know that that could also be related to anxiety/depression, but I just feel I have got to the point where I need something to change. I too just have a basic wish to return to the me I was before my mental problems.

Meds have been a Godsend for me though, and I agree with lmb_nj that nobody should suffer when they can clearly help. Every individual is different.

Lots of luck and love.

xxxx:hugs:

[nomorepanic]

Sue

No you don't have to be on medication for life.

I gave up Prozac 14 years ago as I didn't feel like I was really "me" whilst I was taking it.

I went the natural route - hypnotherapy, reiki, self-help, relaxation CD's, self-help books, CBT, diet, exercise etc etc

Would I go back on medication now - no way! I will continue to work at recovery the more natural way as to me it isn't natural to be taking medication that causes so many changes to your body and specifically your brain.

It can be done without medication but you have to want to do it and then you have to make sure you put everything in place to succeed as much as you can.

[Tyke]

Nicola - how long had you been on Prozac for? Did you come off it gradually? How long did it take? Did you get any side effects coming off?

Best of luck to all those on here who are trying to come off meds. I have been on Sertraline for a few months but am hoping to come off soon. My doctor said give it a full six months first, which is up at the beginning of September. I never really wanted to go on them at all, but my depression got so bad it seemed the only way out. My usual remedy of St John's Wort wasn't touching it. The Sertraline did work very well for me actually, but I always have this little worry that by messing with my brain chemistry like this I'll find my body will just decide to pack in making the serotonin it used to permanently and I'll never get off the tablets! If I need them in the future I'll feel more comfortable if I know I can come off them when I'm feeling better.

Tyke :)

[Kaida]

I do not produce seritonin, and i dont have a good uptake if noepinephrin, dopamine, or cortisol either, so i physically NEED to be on the meds, bravo to all of you that dont need them but i dont feel myself without them, i get irritable, dizzy withdraw so bad i almost need to be hospitalized cause theyre afraid ill either take a seizure or a heart attack ( not a panic related on, one due to withdrawl) not to mention, im impossible to live with.

i first started taking meds when i was 9. at 9 i ahted them and i worked my way down off a lot of my prescription, but i eneded up going right back up, also, because i tried to wean myslf off of them so many times to fight it. my body built up a resistance to thoes meds and they just stopped working completely one day. that day was almost the worst day of my life, i went into the hospital, had to get an EKG cause my heart was all over, i was having blackouts and dizzy spells, passing out holding my breath unintentionally, and mental images of 1000 ways i could die in various greusome rinerations. i NEVER want to go through that again so i willl deal with taking pills for the rest of my life. do i dislike it? yes, am i happeir to not take them? sure, is it worth it? no.

i have worked to hard to get where i am with meds to just throw it away and take another 2 years to get back to normalcy on a new med. i know either way id endup taking it or teyd lock me up. i hate it but its a fact of life.


i agree with the person that said i need seritaline the same way a diabetic need insulinits cemistry, not situational.

HTH!

[Anxious_gal]

Well your body gets used to being on Meds so when you stop you are likely to relapse some what, that's the catch 22 I guess, just because you feel worse with out the meds doesn't mean you need them, you are just going through withdrawal , u still believe with therapy , vitamins , healthy food , omega 3 , herbal remedies and working out and walking can help, if you feel no better after so long maybe consider if going back on meds is the best option ,

[kibbutz83]

Hi, does anyone think that wanting to be "the old me", is an illusion? Don't we have to learn to live with "the new me"? Surely if we try to fight what we've become, we will be forever fighting? I've been on and off ad's for nearly 20 years in an attempt to "escape" from myself :( My serotonin levels do improve when I am on meds, I can feel the improvement after a few days... but I also stop "feeling", and if I can't be in touch with "me", then I'm not sure there's much point to all this?