ElectricAlice
19-07-11, 14:18
I just feel like I've got no where else to turn right now. And I need a bit of a vent.
Basically, my boyfriend is a smoker and in the past half a year I've 'noticed' (I say noticed like that because I know how things I notice as new might have always been there) his breathing is very rapid. Like one breath a second. And right now he caught a bug and has a cough.
The problem is, his breathing terrifies me. I wont go into crazy detail, but my mum, who passed away last October (miss her more every day and I feel so lost) had rapid breathing and she didn't get it fully checked :(.
And even though it's a completely different situation and My boyfriend has had this for ages now (so it's obviously not a symptom of a DVT) I keep freaking out and thinking there's something wrong.
When we're in bed I keep feeling his belly to make sure he's still ok and breathing. And I keep thinking he's died in his sleep. And it's become like a fixation that I keep doing this.
He won't go to the DR's. He says he's fine, he's fine, he's fine. All the time. And this morning I said I worry about him. And he said the word worry was becoming my catch phrase. And I felt extremely hurt by that. Because he is a chilled out, stubborn, quite moody guy. But he's understanding. And I don't feel like he's giving me enough support through this. And I'm trying really hard but he keeps getting so annoyed at me.
Like he doesn't understand how much fear and pain and grieving I feel every single day. And he says stuff like 'you just have to fight past it'.
I know 100% it has not been easy for him since October, because I have been a wreck. I'm only 22, and it is not easy. And he has been there for me. But not completely empathising with how hard it is. It feels like he's only 3/4 there with me, understanding.
And I just don't know how to stop the arguments. Because I want him to be patient, nice and supportive. And he doesn't seem to think sayin worry is my catchphrase is anything particularly mean.
And when I had my HIV scare he got really offended and thought I was trying to have a go at him.
I mean, I'd probably loose my patience with me, if I was someone else. But I just wanted to know if anyone else has problems with people not understanding their HA and getting pee'd off at them about it?
Blah :(
Basically, my boyfriend is a smoker and in the past half a year I've 'noticed' (I say noticed like that because I know how things I notice as new might have always been there) his breathing is very rapid. Like one breath a second. And right now he caught a bug and has a cough.
The problem is, his breathing terrifies me. I wont go into crazy detail, but my mum, who passed away last October (miss her more every day and I feel so lost) had rapid breathing and she didn't get it fully checked :(.
And even though it's a completely different situation and My boyfriend has had this for ages now (so it's obviously not a symptom of a DVT) I keep freaking out and thinking there's something wrong.
When we're in bed I keep feeling his belly to make sure he's still ok and breathing. And I keep thinking he's died in his sleep. And it's become like a fixation that I keep doing this.
He won't go to the DR's. He says he's fine, he's fine, he's fine. All the time. And this morning I said I worry about him. And he said the word worry was becoming my catch phrase. And I felt extremely hurt by that. Because he is a chilled out, stubborn, quite moody guy. But he's understanding. And I don't feel like he's giving me enough support through this. And I'm trying really hard but he keeps getting so annoyed at me.
Like he doesn't understand how much fear and pain and grieving I feel every single day. And he says stuff like 'you just have to fight past it'.
I know 100% it has not been easy for him since October, because I have been a wreck. I'm only 22, and it is not easy. And he has been there for me. But not completely empathising with how hard it is. It feels like he's only 3/4 there with me, understanding.
And I just don't know how to stop the arguments. Because I want him to be patient, nice and supportive. And he doesn't seem to think sayin worry is my catchphrase is anything particularly mean.
And when I had my HIV scare he got really offended and thought I was trying to have a go at him.
I mean, I'd probably loose my patience with me, if I was someone else. But I just wanted to know if anyone else has problems with people not understanding their HA and getting pee'd off at them about it?
Blah :(