Dealing with panic attacks,a daily battle.

[clairabella]

Today i thought i would share my experience of panic attacks and what they mean to me..so many people suffer from these dreadful attacks so i thought it would be interesting to see how others feel about them.
I have had ups and downs more times than I care to mention, but I also have had periods of been really good for a long time, so I know there is hope and once you lose the fear of the wretched thing the power they hold over you lessons!
When I get a bad panic attack I feel like I could turn into some kind of crazy woman, my thoughts run out of control and I fear I could do something bad, I cannot get this fear out of my head it seems to get stronger and stronger and just surges through me like a tidal wave, I think “any min now, this is it.. this is the one” I am going to crack and either throw myself off the roof of a very tall building or harm someone!!I fear im losing control and going to make a total fool of myself.
The fact is those of us who suffer from panic attacks are not going to lose it,go mad,have an hearattack or run screaming for the hills. In fact, I am sure that with all the panic attacks we may have experienced in public places, nobody even noticed we looked uncomfortable. We are, by nature, social animals and dread to be seen in some kind of an embarrassing situation. Jumping up from your chair in a business meeting and screaming for an ambulance may go through your mind, but it is unlikely to happen. In the end, even if we do embarrass ourselves socially, does it really matter We have to learn to be kind to ourselves. So what if we were to cause a scene and create great embarrassment? Life is too short to keep up with appearances all the time. In fact, the more honest we are with are fears, the less pressure we are subjecting ourselves to, and the more our panic attack symptoms will dissipate.Of all the panic attacks ive ever had ive survived them all...i didnt die..i didnt go crazy..i didnt have an heart attack in fact nothing bad happened at all- apart from those intense scary bodily sensations i came out of them just fine.
I try to accept my panic attacks now and not let them frighten me but its such a challenge I know I will have days when I fall back down, in those instances I just have to remember to pick myself back up! At times I get so overwhelmed by all of this, I just want it all to go away.
but through all of these daily battles and the constant struggle with my irrational thoughts I always find myself saying another day has passed and I was able to function somehow!!!Oh and the thoughts of me running around like a crazy woman didnt happen either...they never ever do because thats what they are - just thoughts :D

*UPDATE 25/07/2011*

I thought i would update this post as things have improved quite dramatically for me the past week or so.

I have now been panic free for 3 days and my inappropriate anxiety has come down enormously...i no longer feel so scared its amazing going from 3 panic attacks a day to not one feels kind of strange i must say!!I actually dont know for definate what brought the change about...i think it was a combination of things....ive been reading an amazing book called...panic attacks what they are..why they happen...and what you can do about them by christine ingham i cant recomend this book enough!!Also there was a great thread on this site that helped me immensly and gave me the final push i needed(unfortunatley it has since been removed).

I know its early days but i feel pretty optimistic...the fear seems to be gone the reason i know this is because today was my annual check up..these thing s are such a challenge for me -my anxiety goes through the roof...but today was different somehow, i woke with the usual knotted stomach and tense feelings...but instead of retreating from them i totally accepted it... it is completly normal to feel anxiety when doing things such as doctor or hospital visits...even people without anxiety feel anxious at such times so why worry and make it worse.Anyway everything went fine..bp was normal which is a first for me!!

I just wanted to share this has its a big acheivement for me i may still have a way to go but i just wanted to offer hope to you all out there that are still suffering....it can be done the change needs to come from within....acceptance is tough....these are your thoughts...they dont come from somwhere over which you have no control...you make the thoughts so that means you can change them-and only *YOU* can do that!!
__________________

[shaka]

Great post!! wish i could lose the fear of the dreaded things then i would be cured
your post has reminded me that you can do it, lose the fear i like most on here have done it before so we can again

Thanks for a great post it has give me hope so come on fear do your worse :unsure:

uummm well not yet maybe when i'm ready

[rocklover]

That is a fantastic post and one I can completely relate to as I am currently struggling alot with my second major bout of anxiety and panic. All I can do at the moment is get through each day as best I can and you're right I never go crazy despite having a panic attack every day when I get up.

My biggest fear is that I will throw up as my main anxiety symptom is awful nausea and I have emetophobia (fear of being sick), so I find the panics really hard going. But so far I have survived, I am hoping that one day this knowlege will help me, at the moment I literally have to fight my way through the day and then dust myself off and start again the next morning.

It's hideous to live like this, but I can't give up as I have two kids who need their mum, albeit a fairly crap mum at the moment.

[clairabella]

Thanks for the replys...i loved reading them- thats the thing with anxiety and panic disorder it can make you feel like your the only one suffering and you feel so alone in the world.
Its the weirdest scariest thing that not many people understand. My heart always races - especially if someone asks me if everything is ok, if someone asks me that I freak out immediatley thinking oh my lord why are they asking me that, do I look sick, or look like I’m about to die. Its all very scary, and I convince myself that the feeling will never go away. Having one foot in reality and another on a alien land is something incredibly difficult to cope with. I have been there and back more times and I am there again right now . I spend the whole day thinking I'm either going crazy or I’m having a heart attack none of which as ever happened.It tricks you into beleiving your own negative thoughts, your logical brain gets swamped by the emotional part and you feel like your drowning.I beleive there is a way forward and its as simple as patience and time...everyone of us faces this everyday and that takes great courage - we never give up. Courage defeats all enemies we just need to face our enemy so that we win:yesyes:

[cb77]

Thanks clairabella for that inspiring post, today I have been feeling like my life is over as I am going through terrible anxiety and panic for the second time in my life after 5 yrs of thinking I was past it. I beat it last time and I will beat it again I just need to stop being afraid of it and look after myself better

[clairabella]

Thanks clairabella for that inspiring post, today I have been feeling like my life is over as I am going through terrible anxiety and panic for the second time in my life after 5 yrs of thinking I was past it. I beat it last time and I will beat it again I just need to stop being afraid of it and look after myself better

Its so true we need to stop fearing them - we spend so much time thinking what is going to happen to us during a panic attack(eg heart attack,stroke,faint,die) we actually lose focus of what is really happening and that is our bodies mearly preparing us for action...the body releases adrenaline in a split second- thats not much time to put logical thinking into action!The what ifs take over and we succumb to the panic...once weve banished the fear theres nothing left to fear!!As you say youve done it before so you can do it again be kind to yourself and dont beat your self up because of a set back..you will get there just as i will in time:)

[Mirabelle]

I think we would all be surprised how kind and helpful people would be if we did have a melt down. Just think how you would react if someone else did that. You would be understanding and supportive and not judge them. Also I think more people have been affected by these things one way or another than we imagine.
When I'm panicking in Tescos I tell myself that there are probably at least 10 other people in there struggling just the same.
We are just trying to pass for human!
x

[Kaida]

+1

just fyi im pringint this to post on my fridge to keep me going :) hope you dont mind.

as for public humiliation. im impossible to embarass to begin with, so ium not afraid of thins, BUt i have had many (and very public) meltdowns, ranginf rom freaking out and pacing around a room, or essentially tossing 20 ppls off their seats running from a room. i start pacing feeling faint, and if i dont get what i need to keep going or atleast feel that way, i go into survivle mode and just do whatever i have to to get to that point.

ive slapped people out of my way and i dont remember and i feel horrible for it. i once rammed into someone so hard running out of a room i broke their arm, they were low low days. but im getting better slkowly. YAY us!

[clairabella]

Yes thats fine kaida....if it helps you in anyway thats a good thing!!
I understand what you mean..theres been many times when ive been in a supermarket and had to abandon the shopping trolley in the aisle and make a dash for the door!!When your at you lowest point all you want is the miracle cure, you want to feel better right now you rush from one remedy to another with no avail. But what we fail to realise is nothing is going to mend us overnight…we didn’t get in that anxiety state over night…it took weeks maybe months to get to that level, anxiety builds and builds but then eventually calms down to a managable state if we let it…your body and mind will begin to repair itself naturally we just have to be patient and wait for it.

[Eva May]

How do we actually stop being afraid of the feelings though? I have 2 weeks "holidays" from work and have done absolutely nothing and actually feel more stressed out because of it. I refuse to go anywhere during the day because I am so afraid of having a panic attack in traffic, I don't know how to stop fearing the attacks :mad:

[clairabella]

How do we actually stop being afraid of the feelings though? I have 2 weeks "holidays" from work and have done absolutely nothing and actually feel more stressed out because of it. I refuse to go anywhere during the day because I am so afraid of having a panic attack in traffic, I don't know how to stop fearing the attacks :mad:

I have up to 3 panic attacks a day at the moment...each one is just as frightening as the last...im convinced that the next one will be the big one but it never is Eva....like i said at the begining of the post ive survived everyone on my attacks...i didnt die - the things i thought would happen to me never did.I suppose im starting to realize what is actually happening to me during an attack...ive researched loads on panic attacks and read lots of books.....gaining a better undrstanding of panic attacks helps immensly...dont get my wrong i havnt mastered this yet and the fear is still there i too wish the fear would go.....but i believe with a little patience and practise i will get there..i have faith in myself that i can get over this and im sure you will too...i dont fear an attack as much now when it comes i know it will be truly dreadful but its over within minutes im totally safe and they wont harm me.:)

[Eva May]

In theory I know all of this too but still when I say right come on and go to Dublin or somewhere I just wont because I know I'll run into heavy traffic which always sets me off and it won't be just one attack it's going to be one after the other after the other and I'm not strong enough to face that

[clairabella]

In theory I know all of this too but still when I say right come on and go to Dublin or somewhere I just wont because I know I'll run into heavy traffic which always sets me off and it won't be just one attack it's going to be one after the other after the other and I'm not strong enough to face that

Of course your strong enough..your facing this everyday and that takes courage...you get up everyday and face the same scary thoughts and feelings, thats a brave thing to do!!!Your much stronger than you give yourself credit for, you must beleive that.Some day it will all click into place for you, dont be hard on yourself take little steps, you will eventually get to dublin of that im sure.Put that theory into practice one small step at a time!:hugs:

[rocklover]

I wish I could be as brave as you Clairabelle, but I haven't got the strength at the moment and I'm pretty much housebound.

I panic from the moment I wake up and from then on I am in a high anxiety state for most of the day, the reason for this is the fact that I feel sick constantly (my main anx symptom) and as I have a phobia of throwing up I just panic pretty much all the time.

I have been on Mirtazapine for nearly 4 weeks and it hasn't stopped the panic yet. However, I now expect to panic on waking as I have been doing this for over a month now, so because I expect the panic, it happens without fail.

I don't know how to break the cycle, because if I had just one day panic free I know I could work on that and would no longer see panic as a foregone conclusion.

[clairabella]

Hi rocklover.....all i can say is we all have our own journey to make...its a very difficult one i can vouch for that!!Im dealing with this in the best possible way i can...i refuse to let this control my life - i want my life back and ive come to the conclusion that the only way ill get it back is to make positive steps to change my own attitude.Theres some really good books out there that may enlighten you a bit more and that have helped me....a really good one that i recommend is called Panic attacks what they are,why they happen,and what you can do about them by Christine Ingham....another is feel the fear and do it anyway by susan jeffers....I really do think knowledge is power when it comes to panic attacks!!Hope this helps you a little...x

[Eva May]

Love your attitude it's really inspiring :)

[rocklover]

I'm doing a self help book at the moment and I'm on the waiting list for 20 sessions of CBT. I'm also waiting for a relaxation CD that is being posted out by my local Depression & Anxiety service, although I had to remind them today as I have been waiting for a week now.

I have also ordered some aromatherapy stuff and a few bits from the NMP shop to aid my recovery. I am drinking bucket loads of camomile tea and trying to think positive, although this evening I have had a mini breakdown as I can't cope like this much longer.

[lmb_nj]

very good things you are doing to get yourself on the road to recovery. I too have tried calling therapists to get on their calendar. also used had a "phone" session today with mental health benefits I get through work - confidential of course.

i'm scared I won't recover.

[clairabella]

I'm doing a self help book at the moment and I'm on the waiting list for 20 sessions of CBT. I'm also waiting for a relaxation CD that is being posted out by my local Depression & Anxiety service, although I had to remind them today as I have been waiting for a week now.

I have also ordered some aromatherapy stuff and a few bits from the NMP shop to aid my recovery. I am drinking bucket loads of camomile tea and trying to think positive, although this evening I have had a mini breakdown as I can't cope like this much longer.

Excellent there all good positive steps to help you on your way...the more you put into recovery the more you get out...just keep focused and never despair you will get there in the end just keep going!!Theres some really good relaxation videos on you tube- you could listen to those while you wait for yours to arrive.I also do visulisation exercises every morning it sort of gets me in the right frame of mind to start the day....different things work for different people but anythings worth a try i find!!Oh and i lurvvvve camomile tea i drink it by the bucket load too!!Dont focus too much on the mini breakdown thats already in the past...be proud of what else youve acheived today no matter how small...and look forward to tomorrow....:)

[anastacia-72]

Hi,

I am so happy to read all this story, to know that i am certainly not the only one who is dealing with panic attacks. This morning i woke up and i noticed that my panic was very bad. And i was so suprised by this because yesterday everything was fine and than i wonder WHY? Why is this panic here today, i do not need you. Now i am at work and i am very anxious to go home by tram. i do not know how to manage. Some days everything goes fine and than i think: see you can do it and i try to keep hold of that feeling. But it is out of my hands because today i am very bad. Also my husband is a seaman and is at sea and that gives me lots of stress because i am home alone in a big city.

Anyway, i try to read some stories here that give me power sometimes. this forum helps a lot, i recognize a lot of my own problems and that is helping.

Thank you guys!:yesyes:

Anastacia

[clairabella]

Hi anastacia.....sorry to hear your not feeling too good today....i have days like that too its quite disheartening when youve had a really good day then the next one feels so bad...just remember that you have acheived so much already- and you are doing as well as you can today..dont put too much pressure on yourself keep a hold of the feelings that you will be ok and things will get better...

[M155anthr0p3]

Fantastic post, thank you so much for sharing.
Its put my mind at ease (for today ha!)

xxx

[clairabella]

your welcome..its not an easy journey to make but you will get there in the end!!

[clairabella]

Just thought I'd post a quick update as It's my first day back at work after 2 weeks off..things going ok so far....still no major panics just a touch of butterflies but I can handle those...so far so good!!

[clairabella]

*UPDATE 30TH JULY*

It has now been 10 days since my last panic attack...and i have to say i feel almost back to my normal self...theres still a few issues i need to deal with but im getting there.This was my second bad episode of anxiety,the first been in november 09 the things i learnt the first time around definatley helped me. Although the panic and anxiety was just as bad i seemed to cope much better...and yet again i have come out the other side unharmed.Im not saying i wont ever go through it again but i can say with confidence knowledge is power when it comes to this horrid condition.
No matter what anyone tells me or how many books I read I know I’m always going to be a worrier, I doubt anything will change that. I know that with practice I can change my thought pattern and learn to deal with my feelings but that wont change me as a person. I’ve always been this way and most probably will continue to be so.
Its down to me to see this for what it really is...its the way i deal with situations and my life that gets me spiralling out of control.....from now on im in charge and whatever comes my way i will say with sheer determination *i will handle it,and i can handle it*!!!!

[clairabella]

*update 5th august*

Hi everyone...so another week as passed and im still panic free.Ive had some tough days but ive come through them...i got stung by a wasp on monday and cant beleive i diidnt end up having a full blown out panic attack...ive never been stung in my life and was convinced that when i was i would be the person who would develop anaphaltic shock...but surprise surprise nothing happend...ill admit for the first hour or so i was pretty anxious,but who wouldnt be,i just told myself that this is the way non-anxious people would react!!!Its still a challenge for me everyday..and i still have a little background anxiety but i dont fear an attack anymore...i tell myself that its ok to have a panic attack and if i do have one so be it, i will get through it just fine!!Why be afraid of your bodies own self-defence mechanism.So to sum up-things are moving along just fine at the moment,the fear of attacks as definatly gone, true acceptance is definatley the key....boy oh boy thats the hardest thing you will ever do(truly accept)...we all want to believe that its something more but you know what it very rarly is....99% of the things we think are going to happen to us never do...why worry over the 1%.......you only get out of life what you put in...so go out there and enjoy life....we are are own worse enemies when we suffer anxiety...we have to remember that its us that holds the key to unlock the door...youve just got to find it first :D I wish you all well on your own journeys...you will make it to the end- just dont let the dips in the road set you back!!!

[mjh74]

Hi clairabella (http://nomorepanic.co.uk/member.php?u=25431),

So lovely to read of your experiences and how you're handling them. I'm having a bit of a rough patch and it's easy to assume you're back at square one and not just having a blip.

Keep up the positive thinking, you're doing great!


Mark x

[clairabella]

Hi everybody....i just wanted to post a quick update

I am no longer suffering from this terrible condition and i am absolutly confident i wont again....ive cured my panic attacks and dont let fear control my life anymore.It controlled me for such a long time i began to think there was no way out and i was doomed to live my life like this forever, but i was wrong the cure was within me, i made a few simple changes to my life and realised the things i was doing wrong, i realised I was the problem and that i allowed my thoughts to take over my life. I learnt to accept that i cant control things that are beyond my power...i was trying desperatly to control everything about my life....death,illness,rejection etc,things that i cant possibly change or have control over. I let them go and moved on....these things will happen regardless, i wont waste a minute more of the life i have worrying about them...what will be will be...Once i stopped focasing on all the bad stuff and concentrated my thoughts on doing other stuff the anxiety subsided...gone were the headaches and tension...aches and pains diminished....d/p and d/r lifted. I now have structure to my life...i go to the gym twice a week,walk my dog everyday,eat a healthy diet and meditate.Ive turned the corner and theres no way im going back...theres only one way im going and thats forward!!Love and best wishes to you all!! xx

[Roxanne 1986]

I barely signed up today to get support and find people just like myself everyone around me thinks I over exaggerate with my panic and anxiety it breaks my heart because they dont know what I go through ive been suffering anxiety for about 3 yrs and I got my first full blown panic attack 3 week ago and the worst part was tht it happened when I was sleeping
Ever since then im scared to fall asleep night after night I wake up with intense fear pounding heart and shallow breathing I feel as im becoming depressed but after reading all these posts my anxiety went down a bit and feel better knowing these panic attacks wont kill me
And now its almost bedtime for me and not looking forward to another attack