I'm a complete mess, HA ruining my life.

[merrysee]

Hey all you fellow Anxiety sufferer's, it's been a few months since i've felt this low but i'm suffering really bad with HA worries again and it's ruining every aspect of my life, my home life, my marriage, my relationship with my kids, my current pregnancy, everything.
Here's where i am at the moment;
Last August i was suffering from daily panic attacks, horrible things that i really thought i'd beaten, i was at the doctor's constantly thinking i was going to have a heart attack or i was dying of cancer, this is where my health anxiety started.
Along with the anxiety came all the symptoms, that triggered off my HA worries, dizziness and headaches, thought i had a brain tumour, Bowel problem's, thought i had bowel cancer, etcf, etc.
Anyway my latest worry and by far the worst yet is my constant worry of breast cancer, i'm currently having problem's with my right breast, i'm scared to death i have breast cancer, i had a lump back in may that i was referred to a breast clinic for, i should also point out at the moment i'm 6 months pregnant, anyway the lump turned out to be normal breast hormone changes, probably to do with the pregnancy i guess. That was the issue sorted so i thought, now i'm having more problems in a differnet area of the same breast, my nipple to me looks slightly inverted, i'm not sure if it's always been like that i went to the doctor last week, and he said it looked normal as it was retracting when touched, but my right breast also itches like mad, it's sore, and uncomfortable, and i can't stop prodding and poking it, i look at my nipple so many times in the day i just can't help it.
I'm ruining my life because i can't stop worrying about things, i live in fear that i'm going to die from cancer, i'm unable to enjoy my pregnancy because of this and my husband can't take much more of me being miserable and down, i think i've got all the symptoms of a rare form of breast cancer called infammortary breast cancer, but i've been to my doctor's so many times lately there all sick of me too, what should i do?

[Mogwog]

Merrysee

I really feel for you lovely, I am in excatly the same postition (read my threads on it)
Although I am worry over a lumpy area. This has been my fear since I found a lump in 2009 it was benign.
I hate my breasts too, I cant stop poking and prodding and finding things :-(

I don't really know what to advise other than if they were at all worried they would refer you.

Heres a big cuddle.

Laura.xxxxxxxx

[Mogwog]

Btw I feel as desperate as you do, even saving to see someone privately :-(

[merrysee]

Thanks Mogwog, i understand the constant worry you feel too hun. x

[Mogwog]

Msg me if you ever want to vent.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[TooWorried]

Hi Merrysee,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know exactly how you're feeling. My health anxiety really got terrible when I was pregnant. I feel like it really robbed me of so much of the joy I should have been feeling....and I still feel that way. I have this perfect daughter who I love more than life itself, and there's always this voice in the back of my head that questions whether I'll be here to watch her grow up. It's horrible. My lymph nodes are my biggest obsession....followed closely by my breasts.

[merrysee]

thank you too worried, ive been in tears all day as i really can't cope with constant worrying any more, my husband has said he can't take much more of all this, he doesn't understand at all, keeps telling me to just stop thinking about cancer, easier said than done! My right breast is really painful at the moment too, my husband seems to think it's because i keep poking my nipple and prodding my breast every 5 mins, which i'm afraid to say i do do. Sometimes i'm not even aware i'm doing it, the summer holiday's are coming up and i know i'm going tp spoil it for the kids, i'll be miserable and upset and find it hard to get out and about. I think i need to go back to my doctor's but there very unsympathetic with me, i know they must think here comes the nutter again!
Sometimes i think i just won't follow up any symptom i have and if i drop down dead so be it, thats how low i get.

[Mogwog]

If only it were that easy to not worry about cancer - its everywhere, papers, news, mags, adverts.

Know that you're not alone, I know i'm going to ruin the holidays for my little boy, somehow I manage to do it every year :-(

I too get to the point where I think I don't care anymore and can't be bothered with all this.

I think you should see your Dr, they have a duty to care for you. This is an illness and can't be brushed off.

How are you feeling today?

Love and hugs

Laura.xxx

[sarah_85]

hi hun,
you poor thing. i read your post and there are a few things you need to know.
1)you are not alone, i think everyone who suffers with health anxiety is TERRIFED of the big "C". What you have to remember is tho, that altho we do see it everywhere and it is a "common" illness, it really isn't. much more people don't have cancer than do have cancer if you know what i mean. also, you are in a very low risk group for cancer if ur a woman of childbearing age. also, you are at lower risk of developing certain types of cancer (including breast, uterine and ovarian) if you have had kids and if you breast feed.
2)i work as a midwife and will tell you that, as im sure you know, your breasts go thru alot of changes during pregnancy and by this point in your pregnancy, your breasts have already started to produce milk. therefore, make sure you are wearing a comfortable bra, without an underwire, because ill fitting ones can cause blocked milk ducts and further irritation. also, hormones and expanding breasts can cause itching, and although i know you want to check yourself, try and minimise the prodding and poking of your breasts cause this can also cause blocked ducts.
3)i know it's not easy to accept, but the body is so sophisticated and you need to have faith in it. it's supported you all your life and is more than capable of sustaining your pregnancy and producing a healthy baby and making a complete recovery. keep telling youself that, everyday, that your body is amazing!!!
I really hope what I've said has helped you a bit. pregnancy can be a really worrying time i know, if you are feeling very anxious and upset make sure you tell your midwife and the doctors who are caring for you so that they can give you all the support you need.
loads of love. xxxx

[merrysee]

thank you sarah, your message was really comforting, i'm still having problems at the moment with my right breast and i've been very low today, hence my visit to no more panic, i just can't get it out of my mind that i think i've got a rare form of cancer called inflammatory breast cancer, as i said my problem is with one breast only, sometimes the nipple appears inverted, but other times, it looks normal, i'm having sharp stabbing pains in the breast and a area that it itchy, is it common to have problems in pregnancy with just one breast only, i've been to my GP twice about this now and he doesn't seem interested at all, he know's about my health anxiety and sometimes i feel like the boy who cried wolf, i've been to the doctor's so many times over the last year that i'm worried if there is something wrong then it will just get dismissed because they probably all think i'm mad. I'm so low at the moment it's unreal, sometimes i feel like i'd be better of not being here at all, constant worrying is so exhausting and i'm so tired of it all. xx