Elsa_Alkaseltzer
20-07-11, 15:00
Hi, everyone. I am new to this forum, although not new to health anxiety. Here's my story. It is long, but I am sure some of you can relate!
I started worrying about my health chronically 10 years ago, when I was in college. I came down with a viral infection that, for the most part, was like any virus (sore throat, body aches, slight fever, tiredness.) But I also got a full body viral rash, which was weird --- I'd never had that before. The rash, along with the rest of the symptoms, went away in a matter of days. I felt fine again. But a few months later I learned that my viral symptoms mimicked those of early HIV infection. (And a ton of other benign viruses, but I decided to focus on HIV.) Based on the timing of my virus, I was sure I'd contracted HIV from making out with someone I'd dated around that time. I learned some things about him that led me to believe he might be in a high risk category. And even though we'd only kissed, I still thought I'd become that first established case to get HIV from kissing. It sounded crazy to everyone else, but I just knew it.
I ended up getting an HIV test three months after my "exposure." The test is said to be greater than 99 percent accurate at this point. My result was negative. I felt so wonderfully relieved...for a few days. Then the "what ifs" started to creep in. Long story short, I obsessed about HIV for the next several years, and it ruined many wonderful times in my life. I had about 10 negative tests before I finally found a way to let this go. In addition to the antibody tests, I paid for expensive tests that looked for presence of the virus. Everything was negative.
But that wasn't the end of my health worries. During much of my HIV phobia phase, I actually felt physically well. But in 2004 I started to be plagued by weird symptoms. And I just haven't felt well since then. Looking back on my HIV fears, I can see that I was suffering from health anxiety and that my worries were outlandish. But the way I've felt in more recent years seems much more real. Like something really, truly is wrong. A summary of my symptoms:
2004: Had several months during which I suffered from pins and needles sensations chronically, as well as aches in my arms and hands. Also suffered chest tightness and scored slightly abnormal on part of a lung test, leading me down a path of worrying about a rare, terminal cardiopulmonary disease. But heart tests showed no sign of that disease.
2005: Started getting bouts of joint pain. Also started suffering from chronic bloating and intestinal gas that continues to bother me today. Also realized that my heart races abnormally fast whenever I do any little bit of activity.
2006: Developed a mild case of Raynaud's, a condition in which the blood vessels in one's fingers overconstrict in response to the cold. Most sufferers do NOT have an underlying illness, but in some cases Raynaud's can be associated with certain autoimmune disease. So imagine what this has done for my anxiety.
2007: Started getting bouts of flu-like body aches that I continue to get from time to time. Also started to get some weird, embarrassing stomach noises as the result of my digestive issues.
2008: Got pregnant after seeing a cardiologist several times to try to convince myself I did not have a heart problem that would make pregnancy dangerous for me. Ended up having a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby girl in 2009.
2010: Went to a gastroenterologist about my worsening and chronic digestive issues. An upper endoscopy and biopsy of my small intestine revelead damage consistent with Celiac disease. I went through a roller coaster of emotions with this diagnosis. But at least it seemed I finally had my answer.
2011: After 5 months eating gluten free, I had no improvement. Subsequent tests revealed I don't have the genes necessary to cause Celiac disease. Therefore, we aren't yet sure why my biopsy showed such damage. This leaves me with a lot of room to worry about what else could be wrong.
Also in 2011: A breath test revealed that I may have a bacterial overgrowth in my small intestine. A little Google-ing on this, and I became terrified that this is the result of sclerodrma, an autoimmune disease that can cause the intestines to harden and lead to an overgrowth. Raynaud's is also linked to scleroderma, so it was easy for me to connect the dots on this one and scare myself something awful. I try to tell myself that if I really had this for the past 7 years I'd be worse off, and I'm worrying needlessly. But deep down I am still very afraid.
My current worrisome symptom: A few months ago I started having pin prick sensations again, all over my body. They bother me every day, throughout the day --- like someone has opened a safety pin is jabbing me. =(
Well, there you have it. As you can see, health worries really plague me, and it's really because I just don't feel well. And at this point I am not sure if it's just a continuation of my health anxiety, or if I really have something wrong. I don't know if I belong in a doc's office, or a therapist's office. And I just hate contstantly worrying that I am going to die and leave my precious daughter without a mommy. It makes me feel sick. =(
I started worrying about my health chronically 10 years ago, when I was in college. I came down with a viral infection that, for the most part, was like any virus (sore throat, body aches, slight fever, tiredness.) But I also got a full body viral rash, which was weird --- I'd never had that before. The rash, along with the rest of the symptoms, went away in a matter of days. I felt fine again. But a few months later I learned that my viral symptoms mimicked those of early HIV infection. (And a ton of other benign viruses, but I decided to focus on HIV.) Based on the timing of my virus, I was sure I'd contracted HIV from making out with someone I'd dated around that time. I learned some things about him that led me to believe he might be in a high risk category. And even though we'd only kissed, I still thought I'd become that first established case to get HIV from kissing. It sounded crazy to everyone else, but I just knew it.
I ended up getting an HIV test three months after my "exposure." The test is said to be greater than 99 percent accurate at this point. My result was negative. I felt so wonderfully relieved...for a few days. Then the "what ifs" started to creep in. Long story short, I obsessed about HIV for the next several years, and it ruined many wonderful times in my life. I had about 10 negative tests before I finally found a way to let this go. In addition to the antibody tests, I paid for expensive tests that looked for presence of the virus. Everything was negative.
But that wasn't the end of my health worries. During much of my HIV phobia phase, I actually felt physically well. But in 2004 I started to be plagued by weird symptoms. And I just haven't felt well since then. Looking back on my HIV fears, I can see that I was suffering from health anxiety and that my worries were outlandish. But the way I've felt in more recent years seems much more real. Like something really, truly is wrong. A summary of my symptoms:
2004: Had several months during which I suffered from pins and needles sensations chronically, as well as aches in my arms and hands. Also suffered chest tightness and scored slightly abnormal on part of a lung test, leading me down a path of worrying about a rare, terminal cardiopulmonary disease. But heart tests showed no sign of that disease.
2005: Started getting bouts of joint pain. Also started suffering from chronic bloating and intestinal gas that continues to bother me today. Also realized that my heart races abnormally fast whenever I do any little bit of activity.
2006: Developed a mild case of Raynaud's, a condition in which the blood vessels in one's fingers overconstrict in response to the cold. Most sufferers do NOT have an underlying illness, but in some cases Raynaud's can be associated with certain autoimmune disease. So imagine what this has done for my anxiety.
2007: Started getting bouts of flu-like body aches that I continue to get from time to time. Also started to get some weird, embarrassing stomach noises as the result of my digestive issues.
2008: Got pregnant after seeing a cardiologist several times to try to convince myself I did not have a heart problem that would make pregnancy dangerous for me. Ended up having a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby girl in 2009.
2010: Went to a gastroenterologist about my worsening and chronic digestive issues. An upper endoscopy and biopsy of my small intestine revelead damage consistent with Celiac disease. I went through a roller coaster of emotions with this diagnosis. But at least it seemed I finally had my answer.
2011: After 5 months eating gluten free, I had no improvement. Subsequent tests revealed I don't have the genes necessary to cause Celiac disease. Therefore, we aren't yet sure why my biopsy showed such damage. This leaves me with a lot of room to worry about what else could be wrong.
Also in 2011: A breath test revealed that I may have a bacterial overgrowth in my small intestine. A little Google-ing on this, and I became terrified that this is the result of sclerodrma, an autoimmune disease that can cause the intestines to harden and lead to an overgrowth. Raynaud's is also linked to scleroderma, so it was easy for me to connect the dots on this one and scare myself something awful. I try to tell myself that if I really had this for the past 7 years I'd be worse off, and I'm worrying needlessly. But deep down I am still very afraid.
My current worrisome symptom: A few months ago I started having pin prick sensations again, all over my body. They bother me every day, throughout the day --- like someone has opened a safety pin is jabbing me. =(
Well, there you have it. As you can see, health worries really plague me, and it's really because I just don't feel well. And at this point I am not sure if it's just a continuation of my health anxiety, or if I really have something wrong. I don't know if I belong in a doc's office, or a therapist's office. And I just hate contstantly worrying that I am going to die and leave my precious daughter without a mommy. It makes me feel sick. =(