Roj_V
21-07-11, 11:12
I wanted to share my story...
I always liked the snow as a boy. It was magical. It was unlike any kind of other weather! Building snowmen, throwing snowballs and throwing yourself in fresh snow were just some of the best parts of it.
I like it when it snowed at school. Mainly because if any substantial amount fell, there was the possibility of the school closing, and you being able to go home to play out!
Secondary school was a bit different though. I don't ever recall us going home early because of the snow. I do remember however, spending a lot of break times in it. We used to have "fights" in it. I use quotes as it was just really a few us having a mess around in it.
One lunchtime, it had snowed and we were all out playing in it. I recall packing together a near perfect snow ball. My target was one of the lads i knocked about with. I aimed, and i knew i was no-where near straight away. Instead, it hit another lad from a lower class full in the face. It made him upset, and i remember him coming over and pushing me with a tear in his eye. I forget what happened next. I seem to recall him getting up crying and running off. We carried on messing around at this point, and were still trying to pelt each other with snowballs!
What happened next is one of the things that has scarred my life to this very day. My mate at the side of me noticed a gang of 25+ charging towards us. The lad that i had the altercation with was in the frontline. The gang leader looked much bigger than me, despite him being younger. I remember someone saying, "They're coming for you Vaughany!" There were several kids around at this point, and they all seemed to stop to see what was happening. I had a split second decision to make. Do i run, or do i stand up to them? My mate, sensing the danger, turned and ran. Should i follow him?
I didn't. After all, what did i have to be scared of? What were a few more lads than normal going to do to me? It was possibly one of the worst decisions i have ever made.
I can't remember much of what happened next, only that i was knocked to the floor in the mud and slush, and was having snow pelted at me, and that also a few kicks were hitting me hard. I curled up and covered my face. A further barrage of kicks to the head, the back, and my body. I could sense that i was the main point of everyones gaze at this stage. I was scared - what had i done to deserve this?!
After what seemed like an age, i picked myself up. A few of them yelled abuse, and i looked at all the people who were staring at me. I was a mess.
I was back on my feet and walking back towards the main school building with damaged clothes, covered in mud, and wet through. For the last part of the break i headed to the main reception part. I didn't go back to afternoon registration - instead i went to the matrons office where i sat for the rest of the afternoon. I was sat in like a robe as my clothes were drying out on a radiator.
I remember sitting there all afternoon by myself trying to comprehend what just happened. I can't remember if i cried, but i do remember that Ijust wanted to go home. I think i left before anyone else too as i was too embarassed to be seen by anyone that witnessed my ordeal.
I do remember that night i cried. I didn't want to go back the next day in case i saw the gang of lads that did that to me again. Ever since that incident, i have feared a group of lads coming towards me. It doesn't matter where - it brings back the painful memories of that day when it changed my life.
Not surprisingly, i left school after my GCSE’s. I took up working full time, met a girl (who is now my wife), and moved in with her in 2007. We found a nice quiet flat in a block of four with an elderly couple beneath, a young lady in the one next to her who was a nurse, and a nice friendly Indian couple next to us. Within a month of moving in, the couple next to us moved out. I didn’t think this was too big a deal.
Different people then started viewing the vacant flat next to us, and before long, a really scruffy young couple moved in (illegally, may i add, as it was signed up for in his Mothers name). Anyway, they banged about, and made a lot of noise, and i remember as time went on that i started getting more upset and annoyed at their noise and coming and going at all hours, and it made me feel really depressed. I remember strong feelings that i didn’t have anything to look forward to in life anymore.
I put up with it though, and tried to keep myself busy, until one Saturday night in late summer. We had been to the supermarket, and on our return saw they were dressed up heading out. We said hello. We weren’t really “mates”, but we tried to be friendly. I was sat up on my laptop until about 12:30am, when i heard some car doors bang. I looked out, and saw them getting out of a taxi, with some other people. Then another taxi pulled up, then another, and out piled a load of drunk teenagers. I went to bed then after i heard more noise. I don’t know how i slept.
I woke up early, and looked out. I could see our communal door had been damaged. The handle was lying on the floor. My shoes outside my door had gone. I didn’t know what to do. After a while, my partner got up, then i heard noises from next door. They must have been taking drugs as they were still “high” at this stage and bouncing off the wall. I wanted to confront them about where my shoes were, and the noise last night, but i remembered the last time i stood up to a group of youths. Instead, i locked my door. It was at this stage i suffered a panic attack. I had to get out, but i couldn’t. The communal door was damaged, and we had no other way out. Besides, i would have to open our front door which was directly opposite theirs. I phoned the police, but they didn’t seem keen to help. In the end, we did go out, and didn’t return home all day. My partner was more angry, but wasn’t frightened like i was. Upon our return home, i recall different neighbours getting together talking about the events of the previous night. Apparently others had witnessed them shouting racist language, urinating against the building, and molesting girls in the group. It was nice to know i wasn’t alone.
For the next three months, i struggled. I was forever listening to see if they were in, or if they went out i waited up to see what time they were coming back in, and checking they were alone. The young man did bring a bottle of wine (with his Mother) as an apology, which was a pleasant surprise, but i didn’t want him to know it was us that had complained.
They moved out in the December. The Saturday nights before that, we didn’t stay there. We either went to friends, or family, then dreaded returning home on the Sunday for fear of what we may find. It always seemed ok though.
We never settled though, and moved out ourselves in 2008. We moved to a semi detached house this time. I began to feel better. I still had the odd memory, and didn’t like bits, but i began to recover. I also turned to God, and became a Christian that year, which also helped.
In 2009, 3 youths moved in to a house 3 doors up, and all the bad thoughts and feelings hit me again. Saturday nights were hard oncemore, and oddly, Fridays were too now. We had no trouble from them, but they liked to drive their loud modified cars quickly around the street. I started to get nervous as soon as i heard a car with a modified exhaust. I sought a Christian counsellor at this stage, and although she was nice, i didn’t feel that we fully clicked and don’t know what values i got from her. One Saturday night, they must have had a fight between them, because one of the cars parked up nearby at 12:30am, the passenger got out and smashed all their windows, before returning to the car and speeding off. I know it hadn’t directly affected us, but i was shivering with panic.
The police were round the following day, and a few weeks later, they all moved out. I was anxious to know who would move in as i thought we may get a load more trouble. One guy seemed to move in by himself, but he soon went, and now a family are in there who seem nice and quiet. I hope they stay though, because if i see them go i will fear we will get someone else who is a threat moving in.
At present though, there are two Asian youths who live with their family, who keep racing around the street some nights (it’s like an oval the street we live on), and they are screeching their tyres and revving cars up at 1am. I have reported this to the police, but it is really making me depressed. It needn’t do, as i know they aren’t going to do anything to us, but I need some help.
This is my story – it’s been so tough the last few years. I am desperate to find a way out of it all, and find the old me.
I always liked the snow as a boy. It was magical. It was unlike any kind of other weather! Building snowmen, throwing snowballs and throwing yourself in fresh snow were just some of the best parts of it.
I like it when it snowed at school. Mainly because if any substantial amount fell, there was the possibility of the school closing, and you being able to go home to play out!
Secondary school was a bit different though. I don't ever recall us going home early because of the snow. I do remember however, spending a lot of break times in it. We used to have "fights" in it. I use quotes as it was just really a few us having a mess around in it.
One lunchtime, it had snowed and we were all out playing in it. I recall packing together a near perfect snow ball. My target was one of the lads i knocked about with. I aimed, and i knew i was no-where near straight away. Instead, it hit another lad from a lower class full in the face. It made him upset, and i remember him coming over and pushing me with a tear in his eye. I forget what happened next. I seem to recall him getting up crying and running off. We carried on messing around at this point, and were still trying to pelt each other with snowballs!
What happened next is one of the things that has scarred my life to this very day. My mate at the side of me noticed a gang of 25+ charging towards us. The lad that i had the altercation with was in the frontline. The gang leader looked much bigger than me, despite him being younger. I remember someone saying, "They're coming for you Vaughany!" There were several kids around at this point, and they all seemed to stop to see what was happening. I had a split second decision to make. Do i run, or do i stand up to them? My mate, sensing the danger, turned and ran. Should i follow him?
I didn't. After all, what did i have to be scared of? What were a few more lads than normal going to do to me? It was possibly one of the worst decisions i have ever made.
I can't remember much of what happened next, only that i was knocked to the floor in the mud and slush, and was having snow pelted at me, and that also a few kicks were hitting me hard. I curled up and covered my face. A further barrage of kicks to the head, the back, and my body. I could sense that i was the main point of everyones gaze at this stage. I was scared - what had i done to deserve this?!
After what seemed like an age, i picked myself up. A few of them yelled abuse, and i looked at all the people who were staring at me. I was a mess.
I was back on my feet and walking back towards the main school building with damaged clothes, covered in mud, and wet through. For the last part of the break i headed to the main reception part. I didn't go back to afternoon registration - instead i went to the matrons office where i sat for the rest of the afternoon. I was sat in like a robe as my clothes were drying out on a radiator.
I remember sitting there all afternoon by myself trying to comprehend what just happened. I can't remember if i cried, but i do remember that Ijust wanted to go home. I think i left before anyone else too as i was too embarassed to be seen by anyone that witnessed my ordeal.
I do remember that night i cried. I didn't want to go back the next day in case i saw the gang of lads that did that to me again. Ever since that incident, i have feared a group of lads coming towards me. It doesn't matter where - it brings back the painful memories of that day when it changed my life.
Not surprisingly, i left school after my GCSE’s. I took up working full time, met a girl (who is now my wife), and moved in with her in 2007. We found a nice quiet flat in a block of four with an elderly couple beneath, a young lady in the one next to her who was a nurse, and a nice friendly Indian couple next to us. Within a month of moving in, the couple next to us moved out. I didn’t think this was too big a deal.
Different people then started viewing the vacant flat next to us, and before long, a really scruffy young couple moved in (illegally, may i add, as it was signed up for in his Mothers name). Anyway, they banged about, and made a lot of noise, and i remember as time went on that i started getting more upset and annoyed at their noise and coming and going at all hours, and it made me feel really depressed. I remember strong feelings that i didn’t have anything to look forward to in life anymore.
I put up with it though, and tried to keep myself busy, until one Saturday night in late summer. We had been to the supermarket, and on our return saw they were dressed up heading out. We said hello. We weren’t really “mates”, but we tried to be friendly. I was sat up on my laptop until about 12:30am, when i heard some car doors bang. I looked out, and saw them getting out of a taxi, with some other people. Then another taxi pulled up, then another, and out piled a load of drunk teenagers. I went to bed then after i heard more noise. I don’t know how i slept.
I woke up early, and looked out. I could see our communal door had been damaged. The handle was lying on the floor. My shoes outside my door had gone. I didn’t know what to do. After a while, my partner got up, then i heard noises from next door. They must have been taking drugs as they were still “high” at this stage and bouncing off the wall. I wanted to confront them about where my shoes were, and the noise last night, but i remembered the last time i stood up to a group of youths. Instead, i locked my door. It was at this stage i suffered a panic attack. I had to get out, but i couldn’t. The communal door was damaged, and we had no other way out. Besides, i would have to open our front door which was directly opposite theirs. I phoned the police, but they didn’t seem keen to help. In the end, we did go out, and didn’t return home all day. My partner was more angry, but wasn’t frightened like i was. Upon our return home, i recall different neighbours getting together talking about the events of the previous night. Apparently others had witnessed them shouting racist language, urinating against the building, and molesting girls in the group. It was nice to know i wasn’t alone.
For the next three months, i struggled. I was forever listening to see if they were in, or if they went out i waited up to see what time they were coming back in, and checking they were alone. The young man did bring a bottle of wine (with his Mother) as an apology, which was a pleasant surprise, but i didn’t want him to know it was us that had complained.
They moved out in the December. The Saturday nights before that, we didn’t stay there. We either went to friends, or family, then dreaded returning home on the Sunday for fear of what we may find. It always seemed ok though.
We never settled though, and moved out ourselves in 2008. We moved to a semi detached house this time. I began to feel better. I still had the odd memory, and didn’t like bits, but i began to recover. I also turned to God, and became a Christian that year, which also helped.
In 2009, 3 youths moved in to a house 3 doors up, and all the bad thoughts and feelings hit me again. Saturday nights were hard oncemore, and oddly, Fridays were too now. We had no trouble from them, but they liked to drive their loud modified cars quickly around the street. I started to get nervous as soon as i heard a car with a modified exhaust. I sought a Christian counsellor at this stage, and although she was nice, i didn’t feel that we fully clicked and don’t know what values i got from her. One Saturday night, they must have had a fight between them, because one of the cars parked up nearby at 12:30am, the passenger got out and smashed all their windows, before returning to the car and speeding off. I know it hadn’t directly affected us, but i was shivering with panic.
The police were round the following day, and a few weeks later, they all moved out. I was anxious to know who would move in as i thought we may get a load more trouble. One guy seemed to move in by himself, but he soon went, and now a family are in there who seem nice and quiet. I hope they stay though, because if i see them go i will fear we will get someone else who is a threat moving in.
At present though, there are two Asian youths who live with their family, who keep racing around the street some nights (it’s like an oval the street we live on), and they are screeching their tyres and revving cars up at 1am. I have reported this to the police, but it is really making me depressed. It needn’t do, as i know they aren’t going to do anything to us, but I need some help.
This is my story – it’s been so tough the last few years. I am desperate to find a way out of it all, and find the old me.