Feel awful

[Velma66]

Hi all
just need to get stuff off my chest really. I've had anxiety & depression for 7 months (been off work) & the last few weeks I'd made a breakthrough, felt so much better & more "normal" than I had in ages.
On Tuesday eve we took our cat to the vets, he had been getting increasingly skinny since we lost his brother in Feb of this year. We took him to get checked out & have his nails cut-whilst the vet was cutting his nails he was getting so stressed & upset but he hated the vets anyway. In the next instant he had a heart attack on the vets table & died instantly-they tried to revive him but no good. This was right in front of my husband & I. I cannot begin to describe the loss we feel, it was such a shock, I know he was old (wouldve been 17 next week) but it was how it happened-we feel so guilty, if we hadn't taken him he might still be here. I haven't stopped crying since & my panic attacks are back-my husband has been amazing but I know he's devastated too-we've managed to go out for a few hours today, the house feels so quiet & empty without any pets.
I feel constantly sick & anxious & on the verge of a panic attack all the time-I'm also experiencing derealisation.
We miss our cat desperately, I know we've only just lost him but I'm terrified of becoming really I'll again-I'm hanging on by my fingernails, I'm so scared of going back to that dark place-can't go through that again. Am I doing right by trying to keep going? I feel like I'm grieving for a close friend & fighting to keep out of the downward spiral, also can't get images of him dying put of my head. Any advice would be much appreciated.

[katykaty]

So sorry to hear about your cat. I lost 2 of my dogs this year, one through natural old age and the other was only 1 year old. He became very ill very quickly so we rushed him to the vets, he was kept in isolation for a week and then the vets told us we should make the decision to let him go. It was the hardest thing ever, with our older dog it was natural and expected but with the puppy the shock of it all made the whole loss even harder to deal with.

I noticed a rise in my anxiety and panic attacks in the time after losing our puppy and although it was in March I still regularly shed a few tears over him. People without pets don't understand the deep attachments that can be made, and the grief felt afterwards is the same as dealing with losing a person.

I have no advice as such but hopefully hearing that you're not the only one will help xx

[Velma66]

Thank you katykaty for your reply, I appreciate your kind words & yes it does help to know I'm not alone x

[strawberry1756]

Hi velma you are grieving and it was probabley a massive shock to your system. Because your mind might of been still going through the Anxiety and depression anyway you are bound to feel bad for a while. You will be fine and even if you do slip back you can always recover again. Im going through a bad patch at the moment and just keep thinking of the recent times that I felt fine and I that I will get that back again. xx:flowers:

[kimmidoll]

Hi Velma what a horrible situation to be in. I cant even imagine how much of a shock that must have been for you. You mustnt feel guilty though you loved him dearly and there was nothing you could have done for him. my deepest sympathies to you and your husband and i hope that you can find some peace. XX

[Velma66]

Thank you so much for your replies-you are very kind and I've found your words really comforting x