Boyfriend going to work, hate being without him!!

[raphaelite]

Hi everyone,

I feel guilty about being so unbearably clingy, but i get so panicky and upset when my boyfriend levaes me to go to work, or if we have to be apart for some reason. Realising we only have ten minutes left together or something like that can cause a full blown panic attack, and it must be very difficult for him to have to leave me like that. He left half an hour ago, and I've been inconsolable. Its even more frightening for me as we dont live together, and as he works alot of late shifts and I work some nights each week, we are not reunited the same night, which causes me a great deal of distress. I want a normal relationship where I'm not scared to be without him, but I'm afraid this happens with every single boyfriend I have, and funnily enough, sometimes still with my mum. I just don't know what to do and how to become more independant. Has anyone else felt like this?? Feel so alone :( and silly. xxx

[lizzie29]

Hi, I get like this - it's like a separation anxiety. I'm better than I used to be but need to know where my parents are going so I can contact them. If they go to the theatre or somewhere I can't reach them, then I dread it and spend the whole time worrying.

Do you know what you worry about? Is it cos you're on your own? Or do you worry about him being away and you don't know he's alright? For me it's a fear of having a panic attack and not having my parents near to help me (It triggered off when that happened a few years ago and I had noone to help when I was panicking for hours).

Once you identify why it is you're worrying, then you may be able to look at ways of solving it. Are you having any help from doctors etc?

[Velma66]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time-you are not being silly, it's part of anxiety, please don't beat yourself up over this-I too was like this, I couldn't bear to be alone, my husband had so much time off work with me, eventually I learnt to be on my own, with a lot of help from my therapist-I was like this with my Mum too, I felt like a clingy child of 5 and I'm 44!
I promise you it will get easier, I can't say every day is a picnic but you will learn to cope with the right help.
You will find a lot of help on this site, I know I have, I also find it helps to know I'm not alone with these feelings/fears etc
Take care & hang on in there! X

[raphaelite]

I think I feel this way because I know I'm happy and safe and secure with him and I feel loved, so I automatically assume I can't feel that way on my own, when he isn't there to love and care for me. Because I know I have nothing to distract me from my anxiety attacks and no one to coach me through them. I think I worry about feeling fear, anxiety and lonliness more than it actually affects me. If that makes any sense :huh:. I had sessions of counselling but it did nothing for me at all. Just dragged up some memories I didnt need haha! But isn't that sometimes the case :shrug:.

I'm also on 10mg of citalopram, been on 40mg daily but managed to bring it right down, which I'm chuffed with. Just feel there is something more than the anxiety and the depression that makes me feel this way. Is there any way I can get a diagnosis other than general anxiety? Because I think there is more to it than that, like separation issues.

Thankyou so much for your replies, feels amazing to know I'm not alone! It brought me great comfort. Sorry this one was a bit of a rant!! Thankyou for reading it :) xx

[margy1982]

hi there raphaelite, my name is margy, i know exactly what your going through, i have lived with my boyfriend for over a year now, and recently he has just got a job, but before he got this job we used to be together all the time, and my anxiety never flared up until now, when he goes to work and im on my own i feel so anxious and panic really bad, i feel when my boyfriend is here, i just feel relaxed and know that he is here with me and nothing bad is going to happen. Like last night he went to work at 9pm and as soon as he left i just had a bad panic attack. I know i sound stupid, but i do know what your going through, your not alone. :)