Worried again!

[Janeeey]

its been a long time since I posted - though unfortunately my HA has not gone away. To give brief history cancer is my fear - mainly gynae though occasional bc and bowel.

For over 2 years I have had irregular periods - at one point I had a cyst removed all normal. My smears are up-to-date and I had a scan in Jan all normal. My periods for last few months have actually been 'normal'.

But I can't stop worrying and constantly fear bleeding .. I check a bit obsessively and examine the tissue more than any normal person would! Today and sometimes in the past I sometimes find tiny bits of brown - somestimes they almost look like light bits of dirt - its hard to explain, and sometimes I see a tiny bit that looks smeared - its very tiny and I doubt many people would notice but of course I do - it makes me go cold with fear of cancer.

I am having CBT and am on tablets - I am 36 and just feel like my life is slipping away with all this fear. I want another baby but am actually scared to have sex in case I bleed - which I never had! It would almost be funny if not so tragic!

I am reassurance seeking I guess which is probably not healthy - but anyone with any experience of this / positive suggestions / reasurance most welcome!

[nikita]

I can completely identify with all you wrote. Firstly, I get that browny discharge a lot, mainly before a period is due and towards the end, sometimes also during ovulation.

[Christers]

Janeeey, can totally relate. I had a smear recently and they found I had erosion (which is very common, harmless and easily treated). Well, for the next 8 weeks (until i got the results back) i panicked i actually had cervical cancer. I obsessively checked for unusual discharge, any signs of blood etc. everytime i went to the loo. I was afraid to have intercourse incase I bled (like you too, this has never happened to me). Only when the results came back did I begin to stop the obsessive checking behaviours. Haven't been too bad since but am now beginning to obsess about breast cancer as I have VERY sore boobs before my period, one more so than the other. I've been to the docs and had a proper breast exam a while back and doc couldn't feel anything abnormal but unfortunately, this is the nature of the beast of Health anxiety: we often hop from worry health worry to another. I also find my periods can be irregular when I'm particularly stressed. I think what helps me is to keep my mind occupied with other things: keep busy. Your up to date with all your smears etc. so I wouldn't be worrying if I were you. That's why we have these checks every 3 years!