Hey, I only have 1 fear and it sucks

[lleksam]

Hey,

I'm new to the site but not new to anxiety.

I have suffered from OCD for about 8 years and after 1 year of therapy have got it under control!

I was given an anti depressant when I first got ill and when I finally came off the pills after my CBT I started having mood swings and brain fog / feeling vague.. I started googleing - I had found out myself that I had OCD from finding a forum mentioning it.

I googled myself into misery....I had so many blood tests and I totally believed I had Reactive hypoglycemia, I even got my own blood test kit..

I started reading about P.A.W.S and found a support group for it...I then read about depresionalization....(even writing this word scares me and makes my anxiety spike) - I read 1 article about it and sent myself into the worse panic ever...I ended up in hospital where I was given a new medication, an MMAO anti depressant. It made me suicidal and I was taken back to hospital where I spent two weeks recovering and going back on my old medication.

I feel defeated now...I thought I was doing so well.. Beaten the OCD and off the meds I was finally free and now I get stuck in worry spirals and I can't stop thinking about depersonalization...I always check my vision and "do I feel all there" and connected to the world..

I have had good days and weeks but it always comes creeping back and the thing is I do feel disconnected and have brain fog from time to time and it never scared me before..

I just wondered how do others deal with this, How do you stop checking something you use all the time? I read about people checking their breathing and I think it is the same thing really, you always breath and you always see and sometimes we all feel off and have strange sensations but how to live with it?

Live with the doubt or the feeling?

Thanks,

Kaneda

[qrydem1987]

hmmm Depersonalisation and Derealisation, was by far my worst symptom of Anxiety and Depression. Being in a room full of people and feel alone, unable to concentrate or think straight unable to hold a thought for more than 5 seconds with a tight pressure around your head simple tasks become difficult, slight memory loss and confusion...

This is what i felt. And ofcourse its not permanent. It does go away mine lasted a month. only advice i can give you to get thru it, Is your not going crazy the world looks and feel different because literally it IS... your vision has become sensitive, the world looks brighter almost dreamlike. Your hearing is more sensitive so sounds are sharper and louder. Your mind is racing 100 mph with anxiety and worry about your brain fog that holding a thought tghat requires concentration is difficult, Many things happening but dont worry you be fine.. Just dont worry about it and it will go...

[lleksam]

Thank you for the reply.

I don't get it often, I think my main problem is that I am always focusing on if I do or don't have it, if I feel "normal"...


I'm glad to hear you got over it! :yesyes:

[xJust_Sarahx]

Hi,
I know where you are coming from, like focusing on one thing because lwhere you mentioned about people focusing on there breathing.. well im one of those people. All i can think about is my breathing... writing this i am thinking about it and feel anxious, and "breathing" is the word that scares me the most.Anything to do with breathing, and anything on television where people may have Asthma and you see them having an attack, or seeing anyone on tele breathless, or anything.. and i freak out. It has completely took over my life and has for so many years now.

I hate the smell of fumes outside incase i cant breathe, i will walk slowly to avoid getting out of breath, and i just monitor my breathing constantly. I hate it. And i struggle for ways not to focus it, and to control it. So i would love for it just to go and me to stop checking, but i know its long work. So in answer to your question.. i deal with it the best i can, iv learned to accept that if i let it get the better of me and stay in the house then "my anxiety" is winning, so i try and embrace it and as hard as it is i basically have no choice, with having 3 kids.
Its not easy but try and think of people that are worse off, thats what i do and think about it how you used to be before anxiety kicked in. I try and ease the way i am with using professor layton games on my DS, as sad as it sounds.. but it distracts me.

[lleksam]

Hey Sarah,

It is frustrating as hell, I know my vision is fine most of the time as its not changed since before my trip to the hospital.

Its almost like I'm always aware of my vision..I rarely turn off but I do have good days and even a week maybe where I do not worry at all or even feel like I'm checking myself.

I'm not sure what method I should approach this with...should I use the old "Yea screw it I do have it and I feel totally disconnected" so my brain gets bored of the thought or do I need to charm myself?

The anxiety from OCD and this is very different.

I actually used to like the days where I felt disconnected a little :P

Almost in a dream like state.

Maybe I need to learn to in brace it.

Thank you for the reply!