Hurtful Comments

[moggles]

What do you say to people who make comments like "you sound like an elephant coming down the stairs" or when I told my friend about a restaurant that gave you all the food you could eat and they said "bet they werent too happy about you coming". I am hurt. I am unhappy about being overweight and my friends know it too. How would you handle their comments?

[Spy]

Hi Moggles,

It sometimes hard for people to realise when what they say is hurtful, I think if it was me I would say gently that you know that they don't intend for what they say to make you feel self conscious about your weight but you would really appreciate it if they would not make those kind of comments - that it affects your confidence and you find it hurtful. If they are friends they will be sorry that they have upset you and be a bit more mindful in future:)

Take care x

[moggles]

I would like to add that I am about 2 or 3 stones overweight.

[moggles]

It is difficult because these comments are made in jest. I am supposed to find it funny. I was slim most of the time I knew them but now they just make endless comments and it is difficult to interject.

[KK77]

If you didn't mind such comments then you could laugh it off as something trivial and meaningless, as it's very easy to find fault and criticise people. But even a 'joke' loses its funny side after a while, especially if it's at your expense.

However, it does bother you and you find it hurtful, which can't be helped Moggles. Therefore your only course of action is to speak to people who make such comments and tell them how it's making you feel. If they carry on doing it then it's time to part company. No one should tolerate being made to feel shit about anything and as I said before, it's easy to criticise and find fault in people.

Also as you get used to speaking your mind your confidence will increase - although it can feel awkward at first, naturally.

I hope that helps and you're able to turn this around for yourself.

[moggles]

Thank you for the comments. But my friends are are right. I am big and I am overweight and hate being that way. I feel inferior because I know I should not be this size. I never used to be. I hate myself for not having the willpower to stay with slimming diets and stuff.

[KK77]

Thank you for the comments. But my friends are are right. I am big and I am overweight and hate being that way. I feel inferior because I know I should not be this size. I never used to be. I hate myself for not having the willpower to stay with slimming diets and stuff.

But that doesn't mean they should rub it in your face, esp as you say these comments are 'hurtful'. I would question whether they're even 'friends' personally.

They could find gentler ways of telling you if they care, surely?

[lmb_nj]

Agree with Melancholia77. Friends should not make you feel worse! They should be supportive and help you and praise you for the steps you take to better yourself.

[moggles]

Truth is they dont need to tell me what I know already. Because it was me that has said to them how overweight I am. I can see their faults but I could not retaliate with hurtful words to them. Sorry. dont mean to go on......

[Hope38]

Some people speak before they think. I would explain that you found the comments hurtful and that it does nothing to make you feel better about yourself.

[moggles]

Tried to stick to a plan. My mum is dying. I cannot get myself together. I should have more control I know but I get so much anxiety that I just cannot stick to my plan

[KK77]

Perhaps you could say that Moggles - that they don't need to keep saying such things or alluding to your 'weight' issues.

Sorry to sound so harsh but there comes a time when you must put your foot down.

You're not "going on" about it. I totally understand your sentiments but you can't keep making excuses for their behaviour.

[KK77]

Tried to stick to a plan. My mum is dying. I cannot get myself together. I should have more control I know but I get so much anxiety that I just cannot stick to my plan

You don't need to explain yourself. It doesn't mean you'll never succeed. You will.

I'm very sorry about your mum.

[lmb_nj]

You don't have to be hurtful back to them, just ask them to be more supportive. It seems you talked to them already about how you are feeling about your weight and how it is bothering you. Ask them to help - you opening up about this concern you have of yourself should not have made them take jabs at you in jest!

[SueBee]

Moggles, I know how you feel,

I think some people put us down to make themselves feel better about themselves.

I've decided recently to cut these people out of my life completely. Who needs others making you feel inferior when you don't rate yourself highly to begin with.

Surround yourself with people who appreciate you as you are, anyone else can take a flying one :D

[moggles]

You have given me something to think about. Yes Sue you have a strong point there. The person who makes these comments is an alcoholic.

[bazbaz71]

Hi Moggles,

Poor you. Sometimes people 'press a button' which is something you are very sensitive about. If they don't realise the effect it has on you, maybe they just think that its fun and you are laughing along with it. If so they are worth retaining as friends but you need to say that this is not taken as a joke anymore. (How would that person who is an alcoholic feel if you turned the joke about 'all you can eat restaurant' around on them? Presumably if it was 'all you can drink' they would be under the table all night? I'm sure they wouldn't like you telling them that as it would be too close to home I'd imagine!)

If they know how hurtful they are being and continue they are not nice people and you deserve better. You'll only find out how genuine they are by telling them how you feel and seeing if they stop.

B

[moggles]

That is good advice and I will tell them. It is difficult though when they say "only kidding" "dont take things so personally". Things is I am not fat just a bit overweight. Size 18.

[kg78]

Try saying something like "Gosh that was really hurtful, did you mean to sound so rude/nasty?" and repeat EVERY time this person makes a horrible comment. If they don't take the hint after a couple of times then they are deliberately nasty and trying to put you down for whatever reason, and you don't need people like that in your life.

[moggles]

Try saying something like "Gosh that was really hurtful, did you mean to sound so rude/nasty?" and repeat EVERY time this person makes a horrible comment. If they don't take the hint after a couple of times then they are deliberately nasty and trying to put you down for whatever reason, and you don't need people like that in your life.

I think that is something I could really do and it does make so much sense. Thanks

[Anxious_gal]

some People with addictions have emotional problems,
this person drinks alcohol which makes them numb, it can be easy for them to make nasty to comments to you.
they find you weak spot which for you is your weight, so they can point the finger at without looking at them self.
people like that think, hey I'm not so bad, look at you with all that weight on you .....
you can't hide your weight, where as the alcoholic if not too far gone can hide their addiction.
lose the weight for your self not for any one else, all that matters is how you feel about yourself.
That person is a bully, I'm not sure how you react but stop the joking about your weight.
just say nothing.
if you joke with them you are letting them know it's ok when really it's not.
people often use humor as a way to ridicule and humiliate people.
maybe limit your exposure to this person.

[lauraebowes]

im over weight too ive always been slim but after having my little boy i havent mangaged to get the weight off i still use the excuse of ive just had a baby...... hes 6 lol, nxt time they make a comment tell them they arent perfect and you dnt appriciate it if they are your friends then they should repect u. dnt get urself dwn about it xxx:hugs:

[M155anthr0p3]

I don't care how overwight you may be or may think you are, they deserve a slap.
I'm sorry but how dare they put you down like that. Who needs enemies eh.....

Don't let it get to you xxx

[miss_moose]

Me and my fiance are over weight, myself due to medical problems, and his grandma (Who is actually bigger than both of us) is always making hurtful comments about out size.

I had an eating disorder and weighed 6 and a half stone for a long time, and when i'd eventually go to about a size 10-12 his grandma came to visit us and before i got a "hello" she said to me "Oh we'll have to put you on a diet won't we!":mad: I was fuming and so upset.

She came to our house today too and I'd had a ginger biscuit to settle my tummy and she told me to put them down, because of the calories.

She's so hurtful, but my fiance doesnt think she knows it.

[Anxious_gal]

miss mouse she is jealous! she would love to be your size and your age!

[moggles]

I wish some of the 605 people who viewed this thread could make a comment because maybe it would help others.