rubytuesday
26-07-11, 18:36
hi there,
this is probably all going to sound a bit odd but i am wondering if anyone else has the problems i do with uni work and anxiety. i find when i am reading i struggle to understand what the article/book is saying. it gets to the point where it's almost like there is a problem with my cognition, like i can't even understand how one sentence links to another even though in some ways i can see it's fairly straight forward but it's like there is a gap in my brain that just prevents me from 'getting it'. i can't see the points the writers are making and when i take notes it's like i am just repeating what they;re saying without understanding. when i try and think about it i get all tied up in knots. then when i come to try and draw up a plan for what to include i feel like i have no idea what i'm doing and i get so freaked out. then i get totally obsessive and can't stop thinking and trying to make points and connections but to no avail. then i feel like all i am doing is lifting exactly what someone else has said as i can't see my way around it myself as my brain is so muddled.
i managed to submit 1 essay in my first term even though i had all this shit in my head but it got worse and worse and then in second term my best mate had to sit with me to help me get through the second one as i had totally lost the place and was in a really bad way. i have had to drop modules as a result of just losing it when it came to essay time. i have been in a really bad place since then, it was back in april and i was going to leave the course but then thought i can't let this anxiety beat me and the voice that is telling me im not good enough and i don't get it. i have been trying to do reading and prepare for another essay before i go back as thought it would help me feel a bit better but i am now in exactly the same place and feeling TERRIBLE.
i am so frightened about going back to uni in september now as i feel like if i can't get past this then how will i ever be able to submit my coursework???? it's like i have this huge block now and the minute i start reading i just get really freaked which of course does nothing for my concentration and understanding. completing this course is so important to me as i really don't want to go through life feeling like a failure and that is how i felt when i thought i should just leave. it sounds crazy but it's got to the point where i am having suicidal thoughts as i think if i can't get past this then i am going to constantly feel like a failure but i can't see how to get past this. i have arranged an appointment with a private cbt therapist as just can't wait on nhs anymore.
this is a mad ramble but i wonder if anyone else has experienced anything like this, it would be really good to hear from someone if they have....i am getting desperate.
this is probably all going to sound a bit odd but i am wondering if anyone else has the problems i do with uni work and anxiety. i find when i am reading i struggle to understand what the article/book is saying. it gets to the point where it's almost like there is a problem with my cognition, like i can't even understand how one sentence links to another even though in some ways i can see it's fairly straight forward but it's like there is a gap in my brain that just prevents me from 'getting it'. i can't see the points the writers are making and when i take notes it's like i am just repeating what they;re saying without understanding. when i try and think about it i get all tied up in knots. then when i come to try and draw up a plan for what to include i feel like i have no idea what i'm doing and i get so freaked out. then i get totally obsessive and can't stop thinking and trying to make points and connections but to no avail. then i feel like all i am doing is lifting exactly what someone else has said as i can't see my way around it myself as my brain is so muddled.
i managed to submit 1 essay in my first term even though i had all this shit in my head but it got worse and worse and then in second term my best mate had to sit with me to help me get through the second one as i had totally lost the place and was in a really bad way. i have had to drop modules as a result of just losing it when it came to essay time. i have been in a really bad place since then, it was back in april and i was going to leave the course but then thought i can't let this anxiety beat me and the voice that is telling me im not good enough and i don't get it. i have been trying to do reading and prepare for another essay before i go back as thought it would help me feel a bit better but i am now in exactly the same place and feeling TERRIBLE.
i am so frightened about going back to uni in september now as i feel like if i can't get past this then how will i ever be able to submit my coursework???? it's like i have this huge block now and the minute i start reading i just get really freaked which of course does nothing for my concentration and understanding. completing this course is so important to me as i really don't want to go through life feeling like a failure and that is how i felt when i thought i should just leave. it sounds crazy but it's got to the point where i am having suicidal thoughts as i think if i can't get past this then i am going to constantly feel like a failure but i can't see how to get past this. i have arranged an appointment with a private cbt therapist as just can't wait on nhs anymore.
this is a mad ramble but i wonder if anyone else has experienced anything like this, it would be really good to hear from someone if they have....i am getting desperate.