View Full Version : So tense I can't sleep at night
I've moved back in with my parents and since then things haven't been great.
I have headaches a lot, I'm a hundred times more anxious - I was having a really good year before - I feel more paranoid that people are looking at me and that the cats are going to jump on me at night when I walk home (I'm allergic), I suddenly feel vertigo on escalators when I've never had that problem before, and I can't get to sleep at night so I wake up late, and then don't want to get out of bed.
When I am awake, I'm less driven, less focused, much less confident. My self esteem has plummeted. My boyfriend helps when I'm with him but when I'm not, I'm not ok.
I feel like crying a lot more too. I hope it's just a time of the month thing. I've been badly depressed before and I really don't want to go there again.
What can I do to help myself?
Sorry to hear this but it's at least a good sign you are recognising the symptoms of you feeling worse. Your first port of call really needs to be your GP to talk about this and explore the options.
Hi Lior
Ingenious is right, you need to have a chat with your GP. You may be helped by medication or counselling - have you ever been on meds for anxiety/depression? Moving back in with your parents is bound to be stressful. Once you have had some freedom it is very hard to go back there. Is there any way you could move out again?
Tyke
I'm going to have to move out. I was considering staying after adamantly saying I'd move out again after some arguments, but I'm just not happy.
I don't think meds are the answer... I was on citalopram for almost a year because I was suicidal. I would love to have therapy again but I don't want my dad to pay again and I can't afford it. Therapy would be cheaper than moving out actually! But I want my freedom back :( I have to wait til September when my loan comes thru and my job starts again.
Well at least you know what you are doing about it now. You'll just have to get through the next few weeks as best as you can until you are in a position to move on.
I want to keep to that plan, but I doubt myself when my mum tries (as she does a couple of times a week) to persuade me to stay.
I said I want to cook for myself etc - I want to be responsible for myself. She doesn't like the idea of us not eating together every night, but we're going to try it. Maybe it will help.
Still very anxious, more anxious than depressed though. I'm not as bad as I once was. My parents think I should go back to my therapist. I hate it that I'm not financially independant; they'd have to pay for me to go and I don't want dad giving money. Then I owe them something - they don't expect to be paid back, they expect me to do whatever they want me to do for them. They expect me to be overjoyed that my washing is done for me. I like doing my own washing. I don't want to owe them. I feel like I'm forced into this position.
They've made me feel so guilty for going to private school. When you're 11, you don't understand about money. I wanted to go there instead of the grammar school but I hadn't got a clue about how it would affect my parents' lives. Yet they make me feel it's my fault they don't live in a bigger house, though it was their decision to send me. They've made me feel continually guilty through my life about how much I cost them. I don't want to cost them anything! I'm at university and I'm earning hardly anything.
If I live here, I owe it to them that they pay for my food and give me a rent-free room to sleep in. If I move out, I might have to ask for money if the show closes at the theatre I work at. I can't win.
I have cried every day for at least a week now though, and I don't understand everything that's going on here. So I think I do need to go back to my therapist. Admitting that hurts. I really don't want to be how I used to be.
Another thing - is it normal for parents to watch their oldest daughter sobbing after telling them she's thought about suicide - just watch, and talk calmly about practicalities, not a word or gesture of sympathy? I imagined that normal people would try to hug someone in that situation, but perhaps I have a warped view of what normality is. I would hug me if I were them, without a doubt. I always hug my mum when she cries or feels sad. I sat there sobbing and they just watched.
Another thing - is it normal for parents to watch their oldest daughter sobbing after telling them she's thought about suicide - just watch, and talk calmly about practicalities, not a word or gesture of sympathy? I imagined that normal people would try to hug someone in that situation, but perhaps I have a warped view of what normality is. I would hug me if I were them, without a doubt. I always hug my mum when she cries or feels sad. I sat there sobbing and they just watched.
Without making excuses for anyone, I would say that parents sometimes "switch off" when they see their kids distraught and upset. I'm sure there are myriad reasons and explanations for this but it doesn't mean that they don't love you or care - just that they've disconnected. Perhaps they think showing or mirroring your emotions will make matters worse and put up a tough façade. I know it's upsetting not to receive comfort when you need it, especially from those closest to you, but I think in a way it's also a blessing - it makes you tougher and forces you to stand on your own two feet.
I would give you a hug too if I were them but perhaps they're thinking long-term here, because a hug is great but doesn't really solve the underlying issues. I would hate to think that any parent would behave in this way to be cruel, but then some do believe in being cruel to be kind.
Hope things improve for you soon.
Thanks MM.
I don't think they're trying to be cruel, they haven't hugged me very much for years. Me being a young woman is a sign that they are middle aged and they hate that. They don't have a good relationship with each other, and I think their lack of affection with me is affected by that.
Also they can't relate to me, and they can't grasp who I am any more. It's my birthday today and the presents they got me were mostly completely off the mark, and this is the first time this has happened.
It's not the worst birthday but it's been quite a sad day to see how my family isn't doing so well. I tried to have a good time.
Happy belated birthday Lior.
Some things can't be changed unfortunately, but there are plenty of things that can. Concentrate on those and I'm sure you will do well.
TC
Hi Lior
This is a very difficult situation for you, but you won't be at uni forever and you will have better opportunities in the future when you have completed your studies. I know what it's like when parents aren't that supportive, or are supportive in a negative way. You can't change them, all you can do is make the best of others around you who do realise what you are going through and who will support you in a more positive way. Your boyfriend and any other friends can be useful here - get them to give you the hugs you are missing out on!
You have youth on your side Lior, so don't despair. You have plenty of time to turn this around, you just need to get through this difficult patch as best as you can. You CAN'T choose your parents, but you CAN choose your friends! Try to get out and about as much as you can so you aren't stuck in with your parents too much. Things WILL get better.
Sending you some missing hugs :hugs::bighug1::hugs:
Hope your next birthday is a happier one.
Tyke :)
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