kimmidoll
27-07-11, 22:07
Generally i don't talk about the things in life that get me down but i think it would do me some good to get it all out. here goes...
I grew up with one of the most dysfunctional families. My mother has multiple sclerosis, my stepdad who is my dad has sacrcoidosis (not sure if i spelt that right) my two brothers, autism and aspergers syndrome. So growing up me and my sis never really got a lot of attention. my real dad chose heroin over his kids so we ever saw him growing up either.
my sis and i had to learn how to look after ourselves really and everybody else.
when i was 13 i met my first boyfriend who got me in with the wrong crowd and i did many things that today i wish i hadnt. At 13 i'd tried drugs, had sex, been in trouble with the school and was cutting my arms because i couldnt talk to anybody with mum and dad too ill and stressed to help.
When i was 15 i fell pregnant and i never kept the baby. I feel i made the right choice but it was a horrible and painful thing to go through and it will stay with me forever.
shortly after that i went through a childrens panel and was told to really sort myself out or end up as another child through the system. It worked. I stopped hanging around with people doing drugs and i started seeing a child psychiatrist. i found she wasnt helpful and stopped seeing her but i did stop cutting my arms. I got my head down at school and did very well in exams considering what had gone on in my life. just before i was due o sit my highers i fell pregnant with evie. was 16, quit school and moved in with my boyfriend.
he wasnt a nice guy and used to hit me. one day when evie was just a few month old he went too far and i left him.
I then met my partner bob who i am still with today and he helps me through so much. he encouraged me to go to college and puts up with all my panics, pararnoia, derpession anger and everything. sometimes i really wonder why he doesnt leave me. I'm 19 now and doing so much better and i'm a brilliant mum to evie and i'm proud of her and myself. But recently i've been very down because i came off citalopram. it was making things seem surreal and i felt like i wasnt there at all at times. Now things are hard because im trying to adjust without citalopram after being on them so long
I really feel i need to speak to a psychiatrist but my doctor doesnt think my problems are that bad and says the waiting lists are so long she wont put in a referral. So i guess i'm stuck in this rut until something gives. but it helps to know ive been in worse places before and survived.
so thats basically my life in a nutshell.
thank you for taking the time to read this and i feel a little better after getting this all out.
I grew up with one of the most dysfunctional families. My mother has multiple sclerosis, my stepdad who is my dad has sacrcoidosis (not sure if i spelt that right) my two brothers, autism and aspergers syndrome. So growing up me and my sis never really got a lot of attention. my real dad chose heroin over his kids so we ever saw him growing up either.
my sis and i had to learn how to look after ourselves really and everybody else.
when i was 13 i met my first boyfriend who got me in with the wrong crowd and i did many things that today i wish i hadnt. At 13 i'd tried drugs, had sex, been in trouble with the school and was cutting my arms because i couldnt talk to anybody with mum and dad too ill and stressed to help.
When i was 15 i fell pregnant and i never kept the baby. I feel i made the right choice but it was a horrible and painful thing to go through and it will stay with me forever.
shortly after that i went through a childrens panel and was told to really sort myself out or end up as another child through the system. It worked. I stopped hanging around with people doing drugs and i started seeing a child psychiatrist. i found she wasnt helpful and stopped seeing her but i did stop cutting my arms. I got my head down at school and did very well in exams considering what had gone on in my life. just before i was due o sit my highers i fell pregnant with evie. was 16, quit school and moved in with my boyfriend.
he wasnt a nice guy and used to hit me. one day when evie was just a few month old he went too far and i left him.
I then met my partner bob who i am still with today and he helps me through so much. he encouraged me to go to college and puts up with all my panics, pararnoia, derpession anger and everything. sometimes i really wonder why he doesnt leave me. I'm 19 now and doing so much better and i'm a brilliant mum to evie and i'm proud of her and myself. But recently i've been very down because i came off citalopram. it was making things seem surreal and i felt like i wasnt there at all at times. Now things are hard because im trying to adjust without citalopram after being on them so long
I really feel i need to speak to a psychiatrist but my doctor doesnt think my problems are that bad and says the waiting lists are so long she wont put in a referral. So i guess i'm stuck in this rut until something gives. but it helps to know ive been in worse places before and survived.
so thats basically my life in a nutshell.
thank you for taking the time to read this and i feel a little better after getting this all out.