blondeangel
05-05-06, 03:10
HI everyone..
I have been having the worst bout of panic and anxiety attacks lately. Some of you know already some of my episodes...sometime my attacks turn into crisis where I lose it pretty much and have self abused myself (cutting). Anyways....I think I am doing well for what is happening currently...I can't believe I havent gone mad. First, my professor at school i call professor snape, cuz...well she is a bitch falied my fianl exam..it was written and not multiple choice, and not only that she gave me 32%. I have NEVER failed an exam...and 95% of my courses taken the past few years are A's. Plus I can't get my final back so I think she did it on purpose to screw me. Anyways..I am going to appeal the grade, but it is a lengthy legal process, and I am not looking forward to that...but I KNOW I deserve a better grade.
My fiance/bf has been away across the country for over a month, and I gave him most of my savings to go out there to work. Anyways...over a month later I have not seen any of the money he owes me, and I am just beginning to recover from my injury...but it is slowly coming along. He ended up giving me his WORD that he would have money that he owed me in my bank on Monday...and it is now Thursday night, and I have not seen a penny, nor have I heard from him. Anyways..I have to pay 3 months rent, plus late fees by the end of this month or I am evicted...so the pressure is on and I am working like mad, with my injury that is not healed yet, and I am feeling so sick from the stress. I have not been able to eat well, and I keep getting nauseas (I know I spelled that wrong..I think) because of my anxiety levels being so high. I had to see the doctor today before I went to work, and I was shaking all over and felt awful, but my meds really help. It helped me feel normal again, anyways.
When I talked to one of my friends at work she told me that she doesn't know how I keep myself together, because a lot of people in my situation would not be able to do it...but it is freakin hard!!! THREE AND A HALF YEARS WITH THIS GUY...and I have been a good woman, and he uses me and takes off on me...and doesn't even have the guts to say that he is leaving. And he had the nerve to take the rest of my savings and even asked me last week for money...which I didn't have because my money is going to rent...not to him.
I think what hurts the most is tha I trusted him, and told him things about my past and my past abuse and it is like he just didn' t care...it is like he did the same thing...used me. I feel so betrayed and hurt. I know I could never take him back ever even if he begged for me back.
I am so sick of my panic and anxiety attacks and feeling sick from them, and stressed, and dizzy and depressed. I have had 3 crisis in 3 weeks due to my professor and him. Well, my reactions to them...not them. Betrayed by my teacher and by my boyfriend/fiance.
I have not even been on here when I have had my attacks mostly..usually I just curl up in bed and want to hide when I have them. Anyways..there is not much point to this post....just venting. I am so frustrated, angry, hurt, sad, upset, sick, and stressed out from everything that has been going on lately in my life.
And all I want is to be happy.
So anyways, because I am going to have to work my brains out on an injury and under major stress I may need to come on here again...just to talk. I hope I don't get any major attacks, but I may need some extra support....and I want to thank everyone who has talked to me through my bad times and others...this board has been helpful for me, and it is nice to know that there are people out there who care.
Thanks everyone.:D
I have been having the worst bout of panic and anxiety attacks lately. Some of you know already some of my episodes...sometime my attacks turn into crisis where I lose it pretty much and have self abused myself (cutting). Anyways....I think I am doing well for what is happening currently...I can't believe I havent gone mad. First, my professor at school i call professor snape, cuz...well she is a bitch falied my fianl exam..it was written and not multiple choice, and not only that she gave me 32%. I have NEVER failed an exam...and 95% of my courses taken the past few years are A's. Plus I can't get my final back so I think she did it on purpose to screw me. Anyways..I am going to appeal the grade, but it is a lengthy legal process, and I am not looking forward to that...but I KNOW I deserve a better grade.
My fiance/bf has been away across the country for over a month, and I gave him most of my savings to go out there to work. Anyways...over a month later I have not seen any of the money he owes me, and I am just beginning to recover from my injury...but it is slowly coming along. He ended up giving me his WORD that he would have money that he owed me in my bank on Monday...and it is now Thursday night, and I have not seen a penny, nor have I heard from him. Anyways..I have to pay 3 months rent, plus late fees by the end of this month or I am evicted...so the pressure is on and I am working like mad, with my injury that is not healed yet, and I am feeling so sick from the stress. I have not been able to eat well, and I keep getting nauseas (I know I spelled that wrong..I think) because of my anxiety levels being so high. I had to see the doctor today before I went to work, and I was shaking all over and felt awful, but my meds really help. It helped me feel normal again, anyways.
When I talked to one of my friends at work she told me that she doesn't know how I keep myself together, because a lot of people in my situation would not be able to do it...but it is freakin hard!!! THREE AND A HALF YEARS WITH THIS GUY...and I have been a good woman, and he uses me and takes off on me...and doesn't even have the guts to say that he is leaving. And he had the nerve to take the rest of my savings and even asked me last week for money...which I didn't have because my money is going to rent...not to him.
I think what hurts the most is tha I trusted him, and told him things about my past and my past abuse and it is like he just didn' t care...it is like he did the same thing...used me. I feel so betrayed and hurt. I know I could never take him back ever even if he begged for me back.
I am so sick of my panic and anxiety attacks and feeling sick from them, and stressed, and dizzy and depressed. I have had 3 crisis in 3 weeks due to my professor and him. Well, my reactions to them...not them. Betrayed by my teacher and by my boyfriend/fiance.
I have not even been on here when I have had my attacks mostly..usually I just curl up in bed and want to hide when I have them. Anyways..there is not much point to this post....just venting. I am so frustrated, angry, hurt, sad, upset, sick, and stressed out from everything that has been going on lately in my life.
And all I want is to be happy.
So anyways, because I am going to have to work my brains out on an injury and under major stress I may need to come on here again...just to talk. I hope I don't get any major attacks, but I may need some extra support....and I want to thank everyone who has talked to me through my bad times and others...this board has been helpful for me, and it is nice to know that there are people out there who care.
Thanks everyone.:D