cant stop crying ,feel such a failure.

[Paddington]

there was me blathering on about fab med free holiday,and now i am falling apart at the seams.i am crying now,cant see keboard,i feel so ill and i dont understand !i feel very sick,and have numb feelings all over my body,even in my brain,it's vile and scarey and i keep having waves of panic all over me,i cant take much more i felt i was on the mend too,this been going on since wednesday,i didn't want to post about it felt silly but i need to offlaod as you are the only peple who understand,i get no help from my family and my mom is drinking her self to death and i am sooo scared she will die soon,as she has given up on life i think.Maybe this is reaction to all the painful stuff that's gone on in my life,i dont know.There i've put the stopper back in the bottle,so to speak!!I let go so much then ,STOP!!!Does any one else feel that if you really let it all go,all the pain and the misery past and present you just would not ever stop sobbing,sceaming etc???Soz 4 being such a harbinger of doom,prob just feling sorry 4 myself.love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Phne is ringing and i just KNOW it will be my Mom,drunk and sad again.xx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[Alexandra]

Hi Mary

Sending you a big big hug (((((((((((((((((((((((Mary)))))))))))))))))))))))

Im so sorry as i said in the pm that your going through this blip, you have gone through so much lately it just does'nt seem fair.
I do understand completely how you feel after living with an alcoholic father for many years i know where you are coming from, it really drains us trying to understand why our loved ones do this to themselves & hurt us in this way or that.

You are a strong & lovely lady Mary & you will get through this. Always here for you Mary as when thie chips have been down you have been a great friend to me.

Thinking of you & take good care hun.



Alex

Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart

[Paddington]

dear Alex thank you sooo much ,i dont know what gave me the strength to send this post,a cry 4 help really i spose,it's such a shame my own family dont respond in this way,i am always there for them yet i am labelled the 'oversensative one' great aye!!We all deal with our somewhat 'choppy' childhood in different ways it seems!I did pm yu all this but lost the lot,and any way it's nice to talk it out on here too.I am going for a walk round the garden see if i can get rid of these symptoms.It is looking loveley now,and i have filled it with fairies and angels!Thanks for being there Alex,god bless.love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[Piglet]

Mary,

Very big hug mate from another 'oversensitive one' and yes I too have felt if I started crying I may never stop.

Happy to say that this is not the case - we get far to used to holding on to our feelings. It's not good and you need to let some of it go. Give a pillow a good punch (I know it may not be essentially anger you are trying to get rid of but it is an excess of feeling so see if you can thump it out)!!!

Liked the reference to the fairies and angels - have you got a little crystal pocket angel at all?

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Paddington]

thank you piglet 4 your reply it means so much as i am sooo down at the moment,i feel very alone i am afraid,cept 4 a couple of people on here i dont know what i would do!As 4 my angels ans cherubs and faeiries,my house and garden are full of them,all shapes ans sizes all have names too,i am an old hippie at heart!!Have been in the garden tryin to 'pull myself together' but it aint working!So my old pal 'val'has been called upon and now i feel sad and weepy!Why oh why do these set backs have to happen and why do theyfeel sooo bad??Thank god for you and the others ,it makes a difference to my self esteem at keast to know some one out there cares how i am feeling right now.god bless.love mary.xxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[carlin]

Hi there, Firstly you are by no means a failure. You have had a lot going on lately, you have been the strong one, now you need looking after, the tears will stop mate, if possible have some 'you' time, of course you will be worrying about your mum, if poss. take the phone off, do not open the door and give yourself a little time, spoil yourself, forget everyone (if you can) for an hour, cry, scream, shout, none of that is a crime. And, you are not feeling sorry for yourself.......take care and keep in touch. xx

[Paddington]

thanks carlin,you are right about the phone of course and sonmtimes ido ignore it ,i have today 3 times,but she has had a few falls[blames the cat??]and i gert scared that one day i will ignore the phone and she is on the floor all broken and hurt,it's a no win situation,i even told her today that she makes me feel guilty[ooh that took guts,can be very cutting my mom!]then she was all nice and said i was to think of my self and that she would be happy sitting in a drunken stupour!!??What do you say/do when your mother says such things?it's all i've known since she had a breakdown 49 years ago!!!It does help to talk tho,thank you so much.I just want the old me back[ooops tears again]but i guess we all do.love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[jackie]

mary rose we are all thinking of you you are not a failure just struggling like us all at the moment

no giving up on yourself and no punishing it is not your fault

jackie

[ollie35]

Hi Mary,

I did p.m you earlier but for some reason it did not go and I lost my text.

Just wanted to let you know that there are many people on this site for you who do care. I have not been on long myself but find the people on here very friendly and helpful.

Try not to blame yourself or feel guilty for anyone elses problems, you have every right to be happy and taking on other peoples problems can only hinder your own health and well-being. You and your health are the most important thing at the moment, so try not to take evryone elses problems on board, try not to worry about things past or present, I know it can be hard to let certain parts go but worrying is the most useless emotion we have, it is just counter productive and serves no purpose whatsoever. If you feel like a cry then let it all out and realsie that you are just going through a tough time at the moment, that is how I coped with the darker days of my life.

Find something to smile about let the negative things go and you never know you may look back on this time of your life and be proud that you came through it a stronger happier person.

Take care

Paul

[Piglet]

I'm a bit of an old hippie too mate, so to sum up then we are both oversensitive hippie types with a fondness for fairies.:D:D:D:D

Roll with the punches love and try to be your own best friend as you are the one that knows yourself best and if not then come on here and chat to some other friends.

Take care

Love Piglet xx



"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[feege]

Hi Mary

I'm with Piglet there I love old hippies!!! I've always been too uptight to be a proper one though lol!

You are such a lovely warm person Mary and sometimes we all have to just let go and have a good weep wallow and wade in our pits.... and sometimes it can be really cleansing and a wonderful relief... I hope it can be that for you. You have had huge amounts to deal with and shouldn't expect yourself to just keep coping all the time - and that's the beauty of this site and all the special people here....

(((((MARY))))))

Be nice to yourself and I hope you feel better soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com

Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!

[Paddington]

thank you paul and fee,jackie too.I love all you guys ,i really do.I thought you might like to know that despit feeling really ill today,i asked my momif she would like to come here 4 a coupe of hours[get her awy from the house and the booze!]she said yes!!She hasn't been here 4 so long,just to see me!Well she had been drinking and lookes tired and frail[her bruises are awful from her fall]i mean she is 79 in july???well any hoo,she asked for some drink and i kept cganging the subject[i hadn't got any,any way!!]when she seemed sober and was saying she needed to go home[for whiskey!]we compramised and shared a really good bottle of wine!I really enjoyed her company and my kids enjoyed seeing their Nan!I will do this more often in future,barbies and stuff give us BOTH somthing to look forward to!I think i may have a virus you know as i do feel most odd and poorly[it doesn;t always have to be nerves,i guess we do get ill too!!???ha ha]thank you sooo much 4 all your support,i truley appreciate it.Have a good weekend all of you.My mom has just rung to say thanks and how much she enjoyed herself,but i can here her slurping the old booze already,too too sad.Hey maybe in time she wont need it so much?thanks 4 listening .love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[Barb]

.Hi Mary sorry you are feeling so rotten after your lovely holiday, thats often the way, its so good to get away from everything familiar and then you have to come back to all the same old places and problems.I m so sorry about your mum I went through hell with my son for 15 years so I know what you are going through, but thank heavens he stopped over 2 years ago. You are a lovely kind person and your mum is very lucky to have you, but you must look after yourself as well. I also collect angels and my house is full of them.

Take care of yourself

Luv Barb xxx

.

[feege]

Hi Mary

So glad to hear you had a nice time with your mum, especially under the circumstances....

I hope you feel better soon - it is easy to assume everything is anxiety isn't it!!!! Take care of yourself.

(((HUG)))



Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com

Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!

[darkangel]

hi mary rose

i dont really know all that much about you but i do know that you are just back from holiday which went really well. Like myslef I was on such a high and yesterday and today ive not been as good. Sometimes when we have a high there follows a low patch again and we get emotional try not to be so hard on yourself, think back to what you did acheive. I know a few times yesterday I had to pinch myslef to remind myself that I had just been in spain - it does all seem a bit unreal now - but we did IT. Please hang on to those strengths that you have and know that you can beat this thing called anxiety.

Rememeber we are NEVER failures because we TRY.

Take care and a BIG HUG to you
Darkangel


........life is for living not just for surviving

[Paddington]

hi guys,thanks barb,fee and Darkangel.i do think iam really ill!!A virus i think,was in bed allday yesterday,had to getup today but with out the painkillers every two hours i am in agony??th e dr said [bout year ago i think]that i may have m.e.???As this virus keeps cropping up.this time the symptoms are very aggressive,all my muscles feel ,well torn almost??And those numb feelings still there too,oh and nausea,awful head pain,BLAH,BLAH,BLAH!!!i know what dark angel means tho,we have to think of the god stuff,i was so happy on holiday,as she was,all chuffed and felt free!This virus is a swine ,just feel so weak!thanks 4 all the support guys ,it means SOOOO much.I have actually had a lovely mailoff my sister,but only to say i am 'a star' 4 having mom round ,dont feel very sparkly at the moment,hey ho !!oh deari am a moanin minnie,soz[blame the virus!]love to you all ,mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[Piglet]

Hope you feel better really soon - that's the trouble with us lot we blame everything on anxiety until we realise that we have a VIRUS!!!!

Wrap up warm and lots of fluids.

Love Piglet x

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Paddington]

oh thanks piglet,it is a rotter this one!Has any one else ever been told they may have m.e. i wonder???This isn't so much a health anxiety issue ,it's more that i have seen soooo many posts comparing the exact same symptoms???We have been told we have vertigo[when we haven't!]many share tum problems ,ibs etc.It's just a thought ,the m.e. thing??Does anxiety lowerthe immune system i wonder[mine is compromised due to the cancer i had anyway,they whip your lymph glands out!]Well it was just a thought!I had a mail off my sis again and she too is very concerned about our mom's health and thinks if she doesnt stop ,she wont see the year out!Thatis an awful thought and i wonder why she hasn't voiced this concern before?I do wish we could all be more honest with each other!I tend to say,gently,what the problem is,and get denial or at times rage!I think now it is fear,well i can deal with that ,the fear, as we can share it.sorry for waffling on ,it must be the medication!!!Thanks again.love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore