relationship ocd a cry for help please

[sarahf]

hello im really nervous at the moment so some advice would be lovely thankyou , this is my story. sorry its long but please i do need help.

it started when i was 17 , my ex boyfriend who i was with for four years dumped me (dont know why) hurt but i got over it fast because he was horrid to me, when we split up he asked me for sex and said to me hed take me back if i did , silly me he used me :( any way after all that a month or two later i met my now boyfriend ( of 2 years :) ) he is amasing in every single way possible my family love him ,his family love me its just all perfect. the relationship moved quickly within a month i fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. in around the 5th month of our relationship we had a time where we argued all the time but that ended soon :) but on the down side through out the first 6-7 months i panicked that he was going to leave me or cheat on me like my ex (which is why we argued all the time) i was very very insecure id cry most nights.

anyway the 7th month one day i was off round his and as soon as i got there BAM something hit me i felt a whole missing inside of me i didnt stop crying for three days all i felt was anxiety and dread. of course my boyfreind was crying also he sed to me " u dont love me anymore do you " i said of course i do but ever since that anxiety i havnt fielt much love for him atall :,( and i dont know why i just cant get that voice out my head saying u dont love him , or the pit in my stomach :( he left me because he thought i fell out of love for him , i was in tears every day and night i didnt eat or sleep . Aweek later he came to my door saying he loves me too much and all my feelings came rushing back i was so happy i jumped in his arms :) but the next day they all dissapeared again :( WHAT THE HELL :( so i carried on with the relationship because i new that i didnt want to leave him and if i did id regret it like before i wont meet anyone like him again. and also i have dreams most nights of him leaving me or me finding him kissing another girl or checking another girl out ( which he never does)

its a year and a half on and its still going on i have had so many irrational thoughts eg i dont love him anymore , i fell out of love , i never loved him , i like women , i was ment to be born a man ,i hate my family .
i also had a pannick attack one night because i felt someone sitting in my room a spirit and i panicked and cryed most the night.

anyway i dont know what is wrong i dont think of being with anyone else it makes me feel sick i want to be with this perfect man .also if i fell out of love wouldnt i of just gone and not thought and dreaded about it every day ? i have heard of rocd and it sounds a bit like what im going through but i feel like im using ocd as an excuss, i have been diagnosed with anxiety but never ocd . can i have rocd if i never had any form of ocd before ?

i have also had a few good weeks there was one week where i actually coloudnt wait to meet him , whe i sed i love u i didnt feel like i was lying and when i kissed him it was amasing :) but that soon went after a week :( i also have found it soo hard to lubricate myself or get arroused from sex with him , sometimes i can and i can really get into it . and whenever that happens the voice in my head says see you dont love him :( i dont really cry like i used to i just feel numb now :( i spoke to my mum about it all and she said u must still love him other wise when we argue i wouldnt care , i wouldnt spend so much time with him and i wouldnt of got all worked up and break down like when he broke it off with me

anyway im gabbering on can someone please help me theres much more to be said but ill wait . thankyou

[Tyke]

Hi Sarah

These do sound like intrusive obsessive thoughts to me. From what you have said, I do think you love him, but your illness is getting in the way a bit. Sex is bound to suffer with thoughts like this going on, but doesn't mean you don't really fancy him. Have you ever spoken to your doctor about your problem? Maybe they can offer some kind of help, counselling or medication or something. I know the Sertraline I am on can be used to lessen OCD symptoms.

Tyke :)

[Fly away Katie]

Hello hunny.
My eyes welled up reading that because i've been where you are now.
I'm so glad you wrote this. I don't think you have 'ROCD'. (you may have a little bit, but there again, who doesnt?) I think what yu have is completely normal. Being unsure in a relationship IS normal.

I went out with my ex for 2 years. 1st year was great with no doubts but it got to the 2nd year and I was having EVERY doubt you've just mentioned. Literally, I can't believe it. I feel like I wrote your thread myself! You're not alone.. Anyway, things got worse, I told myself I wasn't interested and I liked someone else. And then had to decide between my lover of 2 years and this new guy. I COULDN'T. So I stood in that middle position untill it was too late. I had a random text. My man of two years dumped me. And that is when I ABSOLUTELY KNEW I loved him.
7 months on, i'm STILL kicking myself. I STILL have feelings for my ex, who now won't even look at me. Never mind talk to me. It was the worst feeling ever when we broke up. He would take No reasoning at all. He said enough was enough. SO I had to walk away.

I'm so glad I could tell you this in time. I wish someone had told me this. My heart is BROKEN. Im glad I know I love him now but its too late now.

Keep smiling and remember how wonderful he is :) And tell him (men like compliments) ;) mail me if you need any more advice. Id be glad to help.

Lots of love, Katie xxxx

[sarahf]

thankyou so much for your replies they really helped me , i have not been to the doctors yet because im too worried they will say you've fallen out of love get over it .I feel awful Katie that you felt like this also its just been a year and a half down the line and it hasn't got any better . did the doubts all come on suddenly with you also and where you distressed from them ? i would love to talk more katie thankyou :) xx

[Niknok]

wow, I also constantly question my relationship and keep leaving my partner then instantly regret it!! I never even related it too the OCD and anxiety, thank you for opening my eyes too! I really hope you work things out and feel better for talking about it! x :)

[verity]

definatly sounds like you are getting intrusive thoughts. I would recommend counselling, dont be afriad to seek help.