thekat1979
05-08-11, 21:00
I'm very new here, and reading through some of the posts here I just wanted to list some of my thoughts that run through my head...my current diagnosis is depression, health anxiety, generalised anxiety and pure OCD...just wondering what is attributable to what disorder if you know what I mean...?
Anyway, and I'm sorry if any of this sounds odd, but:
- 'Feeling' a nuclear wave rushing over me (and that pointing into the sky will cause a nuclear explosion);
- Difficult to resist urge to jump in front of car to 'see what it feels like';
- Thinking i am going to do something horrible to a family member or friend;
- Thinking I am going to committ a sex act with a friend or family member;
- Thinking people are talking about me
- Thinking that EVERY twitch and twinge in my body is a heart attack/blood clot/brain tumour etc
- Difficult to resist urge to do odd things to oteher people - like, pulling their hair bobble out, or pulling the hat off the personssat in front of me on the bus;
- Spending all my time thinking I have died and nobody has told me - when i see flowers laid I think they are there for me and that I just haven't been told I'm dead yet;
- a 'Final Desitnation' thing going on all the time where I can see everuthing that can go wrong happening then find myself back at the point just before then scared to move, e.g. standing at a road crossing with my guide dog i can see the dog's head being hit by a car dozens of time, actually see it not just think it, then i'm not sure if it has happened or not, then i realise it hasn't, YET, so have to decide to cross the road but am scared to in case I was foretelling what will happen;
- every ambulance that goes past, or fire engine etc, is because someone i know/love is inside it and is dead;
- not being able to let my partner out of my sight because if I do he will die and it will be my fault;
- thinking that EVERYONE hates me/doesn't care about me/wouldn't notice if I wasn't here any more;
- always have an 'i've done something wrong and upset someone' feeling going on;
- I keep thinking I am going to walk out of a shop with something I haven't paid for and have to make a concious effort to make sure I haven't picked anything up on the way around that I haven't paid for...or I get the irresistable urge to walk off with something if it is near the door and I am NOT that person at all :-(
I am sure there are loads more but I'm upsetting myself so will just get these out for now and see what you guys and gals think.
I feel like a complete FREAK...I can't hold down a job partly due to blindness but also due to the fact that I cannot get out and about on my own without it being too much for me if I do it on my own more than once in a week and even then it is JUST to go out, get done what I have to then go home straight away. :-(
Anyway, and I'm sorry if any of this sounds odd, but:
- 'Feeling' a nuclear wave rushing over me (and that pointing into the sky will cause a nuclear explosion);
- Difficult to resist urge to jump in front of car to 'see what it feels like';
- Thinking i am going to do something horrible to a family member or friend;
- Thinking I am going to committ a sex act with a friend or family member;
- Thinking people are talking about me
- Thinking that EVERY twitch and twinge in my body is a heart attack/blood clot/brain tumour etc
- Difficult to resist urge to do odd things to oteher people - like, pulling their hair bobble out, or pulling the hat off the personssat in front of me on the bus;
- Spending all my time thinking I have died and nobody has told me - when i see flowers laid I think they are there for me and that I just haven't been told I'm dead yet;
- a 'Final Desitnation' thing going on all the time where I can see everuthing that can go wrong happening then find myself back at the point just before then scared to move, e.g. standing at a road crossing with my guide dog i can see the dog's head being hit by a car dozens of time, actually see it not just think it, then i'm not sure if it has happened or not, then i realise it hasn't, YET, so have to decide to cross the road but am scared to in case I was foretelling what will happen;
- every ambulance that goes past, or fire engine etc, is because someone i know/love is inside it and is dead;
- not being able to let my partner out of my sight because if I do he will die and it will be my fault;
- thinking that EVERYONE hates me/doesn't care about me/wouldn't notice if I wasn't here any more;
- always have an 'i've done something wrong and upset someone' feeling going on;
- I keep thinking I am going to walk out of a shop with something I haven't paid for and have to make a concious effort to make sure I haven't picked anything up on the way around that I haven't paid for...or I get the irresistable urge to walk off with something if it is near the door and I am NOT that person at all :-(
I am sure there are loads more but I'm upsetting myself so will just get these out for now and see what you guys and gals think.
I feel like a complete FREAK...I can't hold down a job partly due to blindness but also due to the fact that I cannot get out and about on my own without it being too much for me if I do it on my own more than once in a week and even then it is JUST to go out, get done what I have to then go home straight away. :-(