anxiety has ruined me

[pablo22]

hi my names paul, i live in ireland and for since this time last year ive been disgnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, and panic disorder.

i'm gay and growing up in a catholic school definately didnt help, my panic attacks are extremely debilitating, and my current fixation is on my heart. it feels like its just gonna stop. ive tired cbt and doesnt work, i smoke about 14 cigs a day ( trying to give up does not work. full ****ing stop).

it all began last summer in berlin with my friends, talking about it just brings me back to that horrible situatuion so id rather not. but i will say its a pity nobody in that hospital spoke any ****ing english.

i got robbed by the taxi driver, lost everything, and only by chance caught up with my friends (who were all drunk, and laughing at me for going insane).

ive had alot of tests done, but was advised by one doctor to go for an EKG, (i had gone for 2 already, one in berlin, but i discharged myself, and one in the A and E here). but then when i went back to the same practice my family docotor checked my heart and said i was fine. i feel like im going insane, i feel like im dying. this isnt me.... this isnt how i want to live my life...

help i need friends im new to this. thanks

[diane07]

Hi pablo22

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[nomorepanic]

Hi and :welcome:

Can we calm the language down please as we don't allow that on here and things can be said without swearing.

Why do you say CBT didn't work? It is not a miracle cure - you have to work at it. What happened etc?

Why do you think you have heart problems?

[pablo22]

sorry i apologise, im just upset, distraught and disillusioned. ive been on lexapro for a year and it really has worked, but sometime i feel like i just cant cry? is that the SSRIs?

I accept cbt isnt a miracle cure, but when i have panic attacks, i just cant implement the techniques, i get lost in myself and it just spirls from there.

heart problems? well we have this electronic heart thing at home and i onle got a reading off 113/63 today... and then i just lost it.

[pablo22]

sorry i forgot to mention most of my gerneralized anxiet, is health related.

[nomorepanic]

Ok so your blood pressure was 113/63? That is a perfect blood pressure reading

Take some time to read the website info on the left about HA and also in the online shop there are some free leaflets to download and read that may help.

[suzy-sue]

Hi pablo and :welcome:to NMP.... Do you get missed beats and palpitations ? Im sure if you have been tested your heart is fine .A lot of us have had this fear ,but thats all it is .Its caused by Anxiety and is pretty scary at first .But it wont kill you .You will get plenty of help and support here .Have a read on the main Menu, it has lots of information if you havnt already done so .Nice to see you here .t/c Sue x

[pablo22]

ye i went to the doctor about that he told me about missed beats and how its fine, i just struggle to remember that when im having a panic attack ha. i feel that its still (in this country anyway, and given my age) that anxiety is SUCH a taboo. my dads view of it would be to just walk it off, bless him i love him and all but he just doesnt understand.

thanks for the help guys, i think i might go back to the psychiatrist... and try to re-instate them techniques :)

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya and wecome to NMP I hope you find the site as usefull as I have and make plenty of new friends along the way :biggrin:

:welcome: