MiniatureDisasters
06-08-11, 03:04
My partner left tonight to go away for a week and he's going climbing in some mountains so I won't be able to keep in touch with him much. Two-fold issues, first of all I'm a worrier, I worrier about absolutely everything so the thought of him doing something like this makes me really scared something's going to happen and he's going to die. Secondly, he's really all the family I have and about the only person I have I can rely on. I do have friends I would consider close, but if I'm having trouble he's the one I go to. We haven't been apart for this long in quite a few years + I won't be able to (and don't want to) call him up when I'm feeling down or just to check in.
When he left I was okay and just spent the evening as normal, but have just woken up with anxiety, mildly nauseaous feeling which is only under control because I know I don't need to go to work today so I don't need the whole 'I feel sick, I can't get on the bus to work, but I'm not ill so I need to be at work'.
I feel like I've just realised how alone I am. There's no-one I feel comfortable calling, though I know there are people who would listen, but we've just never had a kind of relationship where we call each other up with problems in the middle of the night (or during the day for that matter). It isn't like I don't have friends, this is just making me acutely aware of how much I rely on him for support which isn't a good thing, and makes me fear for what would happen if anything happened to him (selfish I know).
I have actually arranged to travel to stay with a friend tomorrow til Sunday, so I'm not really going to be all alone (although the anxiety and slight sickness is doing the vicious circle of 'I feel ill so I'm not sure I'll make it there, but if I don't make it there I'll feel so alone.Panic. Sick feeling).
I don't know what I'm saying really, I guess I needed to write on here once again just to go through how I'm feeling and know that someone's listening.
When he left I was okay and just spent the evening as normal, but have just woken up with anxiety, mildly nauseaous feeling which is only under control because I know I don't need to go to work today so I don't need the whole 'I feel sick, I can't get on the bus to work, but I'm not ill so I need to be at work'.
I feel like I've just realised how alone I am. There's no-one I feel comfortable calling, though I know there are people who would listen, but we've just never had a kind of relationship where we call each other up with problems in the middle of the night (or during the day for that matter). It isn't like I don't have friends, this is just making me acutely aware of how much I rely on him for support which isn't a good thing, and makes me fear for what would happen if anything happened to him (selfish I know).
I have actually arranged to travel to stay with a friend tomorrow til Sunday, so I'm not really going to be all alone (although the anxiety and slight sickness is doing the vicious circle of 'I feel ill so I'm not sure I'll make it there, but if I don't make it there I'll feel so alone.Panic. Sick feeling).
I don't know what I'm saying really, I guess I needed to write on here once again just to go through how I'm feeling and know that someone's listening.