Just airing thoughts of a bad time...

[mjh74]

Hello fellow sufferers,

I just thought I'd write this post as I've recently caused myself to experience panic attacks again in an attempt at cutting the dose of medication I'm on.

I've looked back at my postings on here from 2005 and just hope I don't end up that bad again....

What did I do you ask?

Well I was on 60mg of Citalopram from about 2005 to 2007. Since then I've slowly dropped my dose to 10mg and managed not to feel too bad in between. Sitting at 10mg has been great and I decided that after not having the panics for years, I'd try and cut the dose again to 10mg every other day. It has been the biggest change in feelings between drops and I've felt emotions coming back... anger, excitement etc. All the so called 'normal' emotions us humans are supposed to experience. 3 weeks at 10mg every other day and I thought all was going well until a sudden wave of dread came over me. This soon became a full on panic attack and it made me feel like I was back at square one, I felt so disappointed and was hoping it was just a blip for that day, sadly this wasn't that case. After some thought I decided to go back to 10mg every day again which I've been taking now for about 2 weeks. This weekend has been awful, I've had wave after wave of panic attacks and am starting to fear getting much worse and having to have time off work again. I work for the NHS and have just been slotted into a new post after a department restructure and fear losing that post if I have to take sick leave.
I seem to remember when stepping up a dose of these tablets, it takes me about a month to settle back down so I'm hoping I'm within that period now.

I was hoping to come off these meds some day and felt I was in a really good position to do so, obviously I was wrong and feel so gutted that I'm feeling the way I am now....


Thank you for reading!


Mark

[paulhem]

Mark - dont give up.


Medication we all know is not the answer. Meds are also addictive. They should only be used short term.


Its all about belief and challenging the panic attacks.


Remember how many times you thought you were going to pass out and even die?


Well guess what - your still here. So am i. So are we all.

Convince yourself the panic attack is a passing thing and it cant harm you - then they will start to lessen. Belief is the key here.

Challenge your panic attack when it starts - ask it to do its worst - you know what , it cant. It really cant harm you. Its your body and brain reacting to perceived danger.

You are not in danger. Convince yourself of that and beat this horrible thing.

[mjh74]

Hi Paul,

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I woke up this morning with adrenaline rushing around my body and as much as I'm damn well going to fight this thing, at the minute it's crippling me. I took some (5 years out of date) valium this morning just to get me into work. The trouble is, when I'm like this, my fear of vomitting (emetophobia) also surfaces so it becomes difficult for me to eat too.
It has to be mid to late 2006 since I last felt this way and it was such a slow process getting back on the road to recovery. I just hope I can even myself out a lot quicker this time. :scared15:


Mark