lorenza
07-08-11, 23:50
I had a HIV test done in January even though I was low risk because I was freaking out that I had it and I'd given it to my boyfriend and we were both going to die etc. And it was negative of course, and I've been doing quite well with putting it out of my head.
But now its summer and I'm home for the holidays and away from my boyfriend and at night I find it difficult to sleep so I focus on things. And my mind is playing tricks on me trying to find ways to convince me I have HIV.
e.g. I was assaulted when I was last drunk so I don't remember it (I try and get past this by thinking the last time I was that drunk was 6 months before my test so even if I had been assaulted without realising (UNLIKELY) the test counts for that.
But now I've started googling rare case studies where people have taken longer than six months to seroconvert, e.g with jaundice caused by Hepatitis C infection, other immune system affecting diseases etc.
I really don't want to retest because I feel like if I do, I'm going to get in that pattern and keep retesting over and over.
ARGH.
But now its summer and I'm home for the holidays and away from my boyfriend and at night I find it difficult to sleep so I focus on things. And my mind is playing tricks on me trying to find ways to convince me I have HIV.
e.g. I was assaulted when I was last drunk so I don't remember it (I try and get past this by thinking the last time I was that drunk was 6 months before my test so even if I had been assaulted without realising (UNLIKELY) the test counts for that.
But now I've started googling rare case studies where people have taken longer than six months to seroconvert, e.g with jaundice caused by Hepatitis C infection, other immune system affecting diseases etc.
I really don't want to retest because I feel like if I do, I'm going to get in that pattern and keep retesting over and over.
ARGH.