Claustraphobic - can't travel, get panic attacks even in sleep [Archive]

jabalong

12-08-11, 11:51

Hello, sorry to hear about your troubles. I too have suffered from claustrophobia in the past and thought I'd share my story and how I got over it.

I initially developed claustrophobic tendencies when I was around 25. Previously, I'd never had any such issues. As a kid I liked to build constraining forts (in snow, boxes, etc), we took very long car trips where we kids were often crowded in, I took public transport regularly that was always packed, etc. Never had any problems.

But as I say around 25 or so, I developed claustrophobic feelings that were quite specific at first. I didn't really like being in cars anymore, especially in the back seat and not at all in the back of a two-door car. Also didn't like being in traffic.

Here's how I think it came on. When I was 20 I sold my car, moving from a suburban driving lifestyle to a downtown walking and public transport lifestyle. For the next five years I spent very little time in cars and was very happy about it.

On a philosophical level, I became a big proponent of that kind of lifestyle and grew to dislike our car culture. But also just on a practical level, I really liked having the option of always being able to get out (say of a bus) and walk where I needed to go, never having to really endure being stuck anymore (in traffic, etc).

So somehow in building up all these conscious negative feelings about cars and rarely being in one anymore, this seemed to have resulted in a subconscious, visceral dislike of being in car situations. As subconscious things go, it manifested itself progressively.

While I didn't like being stuck in traffic (but no one does of course), I didn't mind driving - as it was something I always enjoyed. And I didn't mind being in the front passenger seat, I think because you have that same perspective of a driver with a big front window. But I didn't like being in back seat anymore, where you have a more crowded in view. I can't remember how it started exactly, it wasn't outright panic attacks initially I don't think, though I could be wrong.

I remember though when I was 25, riding in the back seat of an SUV for the first time and I did feel this strange, unfamiliar sense of almost panic. There was something about the boxiness of the SUV, the lack of headroom, just wanting to get out, but I stuck with it. So I figured I just didn't like SUVs.

Other than this SUV panic attack, it was more just an evolving discomfort in the back seat of cars. But then at some point a year or two later, I found myself for the first time since I was a teenager probably, riding in the back seat of a two-door car. I remember getting in, not really thinking much about it. Then we started off and this terrible panic hit me. I was as surprised as my friends. I was just like I can’t do this, stop the car.

To analyse it, it was part of this sense of being confined in small space. But more so with the two-door car was the realization that I had no control over my exit, as I couldn’t reach the door or even a window that opened I don’t think. And it was this sense of being stuck in a situation that I couldn’t get out of myself if I needed to that brought on acute panic. If I had a door and window I could open (even if not practical at 100km/h), then I was fine, though still not liking cars much.

But with neither SUVs or two-door cars being much of an occurrence in my life, it was still a very isolated issue. But it started to gnaw at me as I while I had a good handle on my life circumstances that had created the conditions for this problem (as detailed in my life changes above), I couldn’t really understand how I’d developed this suddenly acute problem.

And with this awareness that I was now “claustrophobic” albeit in specific situations only, it was now a conscious problem, in the sense that it was something I started to think about in more situations. As such, it then manifested itself in a movie theatre – not a small one, a very large one. But as I was watching a movie, I had a moment of lapse in concentration where my eye wandered from the screen to the seats and this realization suddenly hit me that I here I was in the middle of a packed row of seats and could not easily get out if I wanted to.

I should add here that I grew up a quiet kid and my temperament had always been not to make waves, I liked going unnoticed. So it wasn’t that I couldn’t physically get out of that theatre, but the idea of bothering everyone during the movie to get up was not something I liked doing. But as I sat there, I thought this is crazy, I don’t want to get out, I want to watch the movie and if I needed to get out I could. The feeling subsided but it had been strong, with that sense of panic.

Then one night, I was lying in bed in my small room, thinking about this or maybe just thinking about my small room, and I started to get a panic attack – just lying in bed in my room! Again, I didn’t succumb to it, but it was a real sense of panic that I had to work my mind down from. But now I had this problem that had started in a very specific genuinely “trapped” scenario (the back of a two-door car) that was threatening to spin out of control or so I thought.

I figured that this sensation of a panic attack is part of the natural protective arsenal of our bodies and/or minds. It’s kind of like Spider-Man’s “spidey sense” where he starts to get a tingling feeling when danger is near. Likewise, a panic attack is probably a way for our subconscious mind to warn us of a perceived danger and triggering our natural protective flight mechanism (as in fight or flight) so that we want to get out of that situation.

The problem in my view is that this protective mechanism is misfiring as the mind misreads what is and isn’t a dangerous situation. Anyway, this was all my thought process as I tried to work through what was happening to me. Not to oversimply it, but in my case I metaphorically put my foot down and said this is ridiculous, there is nothing dangerous or even really confining about being that movie theatre, let alone my bedroom.

But you can’t just will yourself to turn off that mechanism. I’d still find myself suddenly getting the early signs of that panic sensation. But what I did was sort of coaching myself. I’d stop and try to will myself to calm down. First thing I did is told myself that I wasn’t getting out of the situation. I found that if you let yourself think you’re going to flee, then that accentuates the panic until you do.

It’s kind of like if you’re out and have to go to the toilet, I can hold it in for a long time. But often the worse moment comes at that point where you get physically close to being able to get to a toilet. It’s like your mind that has been blocking off the urge to go because it’s not an option, as you start to think that you’re about to be able to go, it stops blocking the urges and they become a frenzy, so that in the end you might have to rush that last bit of the way to the toilet.

To me panic attacks work the same way. They start off often subtly but clearly, waiting for your reaction. And if you let yourself respond to them in the sense of giving in to that flight mechanism and thinking about how to get out of that situation, the panic attacks are like an alarm that starts ringing out of control to make sure you act. But if you don’t give in to them, put getting out as an option aside and try to tackle the feeling, the panic attacks recede.

So that’s what I started doing, when panic attacks happened in these public places. I’d feel that real initial tinge of panic, but then I’d confront it, not the feeling, but the situation. I’d try to calmly step back and look at the situation, I’d look at my room and say right this is just my room, the space is mall but it’s constant, the walls aren’t moving in, I’m fine, I’m safe here. And at the same time, say I don’t need to get out, I’m not going to do anything to leave here.

So part of this is how to generally tackle that panic attack feeling, that fear/flight mechanism, in not giving in to the idea of flight, not letting yourself think that fleeing is an option. But at the same time, you have to tackle the underlying problem, which is the claustrophobia. To my mind, claustrophobia is also born out of a natural subconscious protective mechanism – to try avoid confining spaces in which we could be trapped, which in nature could be fatal.

But at the same time, it’s obviously an irrational manifestation. Like with misplaced panic attacks, that claustrophobic response is our defensive mechanism going haywire as our mind misreads the safety of the situation. So you’ve got your mind crying out that you’re in a dangerously confining situation. So to counter this, just as I stepped back and willed myself to not panic (telling myself that exiting wasn’t an option or necessary), I tried to analyse the specific situation.

So as I sat there in the movie theatre, I looked at my space. Yes it was crowded in the sense people were around me. But I focussed closer on my own space, recognizing that my seat space was my own – that I had room for my body, for my arms, for my legs, etc. Yes, I was in a confined space, but that space was finite, it wasn’t going to shrink further and within space I was fine, there was plenty of room for me. And that pushed back this irrational sense of danger.

And I did successfully stave off this encroaching sense of claustrophobia, so that it stopped spreading out and was really only back to its original manifestation in cars. And again, I used the same technique for that. When the panic suddenly hit me, I’d push it back with this firm idea that fleeing isn’t an option. Then I’d try to step back, take a breath and look at this “confining” space exactly as it was.

Yes, there wasn’t much room and I didn’t like being confined in a car, but there was space for me to sit comfortably, my arms could move freely, so could my legs to some extent, I had enough headroom even though the roof is low, etc. So again I’d take this sense of fear at being in a confined space and turn it on its head so that I’d take control of this finite space. Yes, I’m in a confined space, but its dimensions are specific, they’re not shrinking and the space is enough for me.

Now there’s one other mental aspect to this. First, you’ve got the panic sensation, that you have to refuse to give in too. Second, there’s the specific sense of fear relating to the specific situation you’re in, which you have to not flee from in a panic, but step back, assess and confront head as not being a danger. The third aspect of this is how the mind gets to this condition and moves beyond it.

In my case, claustrophobia was a relatively recent phenomenon, as such it wasn’t something I’d built up a deep fear of going into a situation. Rather I’d be in a situation and it would bring on me by surprise. So I’d be in a car say, not having given any thought about it, fine then suddenly bang, wait something’s uncomfortable about it. it’s like one minute you’re thinking about other stuff, then your subconscious mind jolts you into this sudden focus on the situation and the fear.

Now as my problem grew worse, I thought the trick was to just not get to that point, to distract myself so that I didn’t suddenly think about it and have the onset. But I think that was wrong, because eventually it will just pop into your mind and you’ll have to confront. So better to confront it straight away with the techniques above. That said, don’t dwell on it, I found that once I’d rationalized my way out of it, best to get your mind onto other things, so that subconscious impulse recedes.

But you can’t just hope to ignore it, because it’s there and it’s deeply rooted in our mind’s natural protective mechanism. In a nutshell, I’d describe the technique I came up with for myself as: forestall the panic feeling and refuse to give in to flight; confront the irrationality of the fear in that specific situation; then get your mind to move on back to other things as quickly as possible.

Anyway, all this isn’t to say it was easy. I thought I’d gotten over my claustrophobia, but then I went backpacking in developing countries, where I had to take all kinds of extremely crowded and uncomfortable vehicle travel options. My claustrophobia manifested itself with a vengeance. And later back home, when I encountered a friend’s two-door car, I realized I still had a problem with that.

But I worked through it, I said to myself that everything I did for claustrophobia still applied – I wasn’t giving in to the panic, flight was not an option, my space was confining and finite, but sufficient. The added element though in that situation is that you don’t have access to the means of escape and there is a not irrational fear of the danger of that situation – if you have a car accident, you will have the hardest time extricating yourself or being extricated from that two-door back seat.

So what do you do when an element of your claustrophobia isn’t irrational per se, where there is an underlying fear that is somewhat justified? Well what I did is just pushed that assessment and rationalization of the specific situation further. Just as the space was confining, but I told myself it was not shrinking and sufficient, while I couldn’t access the door, I told myself that I didn’t need to, I’m not a prisoner, someone will help me get out when I need to.

And when it comes to crashes in this situation or I suspect with something like flying, to my mind you have to rationalize the circumstances and the odds of the thing you’re afraid of happening. So sitting in the back seat of that two door, I told myself the odds are we will not get in an accident and if we did and the odds are it wouldn’t be so bad we couldn’t get out, Yes, it could be worse, but you can’t live in fear of that worst-case scenario.

Anyway, that’s my story and largely I’m fine now. It’s not to say I don’t get those subconscious panic attacks sometimes, sure they do pop up, especially as in my regular life I’m not in confining situations that often. But I push back the panic impulse (like holding off the urge to go to the bathroom), I assess a situation and recognize that’s it’s fine, in all probability everything will be okay and whatever probability of danger is left I can’t let myself worry about what I can’t control.

And then I get my mind back on track to my life and whatever I was thinking about before, and that protective mechanism disengages, the panic alarm turns off and I’m fine. But in the moment, it’s an active process you have to work through.

I hope this is helpful.